After losing Preslee, I was asked in an e-mail, “If you would have known what was coming, would you have put flavoring on Preslee’s sno cones, rather than just plain ice?”
(No mean comments please, we are sitting in the parking lot, I promise I didn’t drive with her strapped in like that)
Though the question made me smile, it’s something I’ve thought about over the past few years.
What would I have changed about my parenting?
Though I still ration sugar to our boys, because let’s face it, three boys hyped up on sugar is exhausting :) One thing I have changed about my parenting is when I get impulsive ideas, I usually go for it.
I’m sure many of you can relate, there are days I can’t wait to put the boys to bed, sometimes I begin watching the clock around 5:00 pm because I’m so desperate. And a few short hours later I’ll say to Pat,
“I miss them.”
And he always responds the same way.
“Then go wake them up.”
(Cannon)
I can’t tell you how many moments I’ve grabbed Cannon or Cruiz and silently rocked and cuddled them in a blanket. I’ve often said due to their colic, it was extremely difficult to bond with them. This is one of the things that has helped me break down their walls the most.
Or waking up Ledger and laying with him in his bed and having the funniest conversations together. Last night, after giggling together in his bed, we snuck down for a treat at around midnight… I know not great, but it was one of my “Would you have given her flavoring on a sno cone?” kinds of moments.
Though the pain and grief has been excruciating, I’m grateful the trial of losing a child has changed my view on parenthood. I know it will lead to many less “I wish I would have's” when our kids are grown.
And for that, I am thankful.
And just in case you’re wondering, the answer is yes.
What I wouldn’t do to sit down and watch her eat a little pink sno cone.
What I wouldn’t do to sit down and watch her eat a little pink sno cone.
Love you, monkey.
