Cannonball and Cruizer


It’s no secret that these two are trouble.

identical twins

But trouble or not, we still adore them.
Even if they figure out a way to break everything... seriously everything.

  identical twins
Cruiz, Cannon
identical twins 
Cruiz, Cannon

harry potteridentical twins
Cruiz/ Cannon, Cruiz
dog pile
Dog pile

But something has happened over the past few weeks. They’ve become…easier (Knock on wood). They’ve spent hours playing together - and actually getting along. They are really trying to communicate with each other, and those around them. And they have started listening a little better. (Other than today when Cannon painted Cruiz with desitin.)

With all this good behavior, I decided to attempt a trip to the mall... without a stroller! I only had one store to visit, so I braved it. I know, I know, if I was reading this when I only had Preslee, I’d be thinking, “What’s the big deal?” But let me tell you, with three crazy boys (Who all love to run) and two of them being two, this is a big deal! Cannon and Cruiz only took off in different directions a couple of times, and I only truly panicked once when I couldn’t find Cannon, who was hiding in Sephora. But I was so happy with what was happening that I bought lunch!

three boys 
( Cruiz only ran away while I was grabbing the food once :)
I just wanted to document that for the first time in two years I felt like I had things under control as I sat there in the food court eating a corn dog on a stick. Haha

Oh the joys of motherhood.
Just a few short years ago, I would have never dreamed this would be one of my biggest accomplishments.
But it is, and I love everything that it entails.

Today as we played ring around the rosie for what seemed like the 100th time, I desperately wanted to freeze time. I hope to never forget the way they look at me and exclaim, “Momma!” or how many kisses the two of them plant on my lips in one day.

And I hope they never forget how much they are loved.
We love you Cannonball and Cruizer.

Shoreline Bag


I discovered the cutest bag!
Wherever I go, I’m constantly receiving compliments on it, and asked where I bought it.
shoreline bag

I ordered the bag online, and only viewed the outside. When I opened it up, I was pleasantly surprised to learn I LOVED the fabric inside! I’m obsessed with the black and gold.
Shoreline Bag Grief Blog 

I love it so much, I figured some of you might as well :) I was excited when Tiffany, the owner, agreed to give all of you a 10% discount off their own shoreline bag.
Click {here} to order your own.

Type in “ASHLEY” at checkout for a 10% discount.

Shoreline Bag

  And this is the reaction you get from me when your neighbors don’t know you blog and their whole family stares at you while taking pictures through their window :) 

Flavoring on a Sno Cone?


After losing Preslee, I was asked in an e-mail, “If you would have known what was coming, would you have put flavoring on Preslee’s sno cones, rather than just plain ice?”

downsized_0707001328 (1)
(No mean comments please, we are sitting in the parking lot, I promise I didn’t drive with her strapped in like that)

Though it made me laugh, it’s something I’ve thought about over the past few years.
What would I have changed about my parenting?

Though I still ration sugar to our boys, because let’s face it, three boys hyped up on sugar is exhausting :) One thing I have changed about my parenting is when I get impulsive ideas, I usually go for it.


I’m sure many of you can relate, there are days I can’t wait to put the boys to bed, sometimes I begin watching the clock around 5:00 pm because I’m so desperate. And a few short hours later I’ll say to Pat,

“I miss them.” 

And he always responds the same way.

“Then go wake them up.”


I can’t tell you how many moments I’ve grabbed Cannon or Cruiz and silently rocked and cuddled them in a blanket. I’ve often said due to their colic, it was extremely difficult to bond with them. This is one of the things that has helped the most.


Or waking up Ledger and laying with him in his bed and having the funniest conversations together. Last night, after giggling together in his bed, we snuck down for a treat at around midnight… I know not great, but it was one of my “Would you have given her flavoring on a sno cone?” kinds of moments.

Though the pain and grief has been excruciating, I’m grateful the trial of losing a child has changed my view on parenthood. I know it will lead to many less “I wish I would have’s” when our kids are grown.
And for that, I am thankful.

And just in case you’re wondering, the answer is yes.
What I wouldn’t do to sit down and watch her eat a little pink sno cone.

 sno cone 2

Love you, monkey.

First Day of Pre-K


first day of school signs

Today is Ledger’s first official day of Preschool. Last week they held orientation with the parents and students. I hoped it would be quick and easy because I had Cannon and Cruiz with me. To my surprise they threw the students right in to class and an instructor took the parents off to a different room. After about 20 minutes of struggling to keep Cannon and Cruiz quiet the instructor sweetly turned to me and said:

“Boy this is a long time for kids to sit still, I’m sure it would be no problem to send them in with the older kids until the end of the meeting.”

Oh gosh! So in they went, and never looked back. (Why don’t they do that at nursery?) Poor Ledger, who never escapes his two little brothers had to share his first day of preschool with his twin brothers. But Ledge was a good sport, and said, “They only frustrated me once, when they acted real naughty. But I gave them my treat that I didn’t like and they ate it.” preschool

Ledger, you make friends easily, and are extremely kind, and have so much to offer. I can’t wait to see the growth that takes place this year. Go get em Tiger.

And just because I had to take a million pictures to get a normal smile, I finally asked him why he was smiling like that. Ledger is obsessed with Mikey from TMNT and explained he was smiling just like Mikey, and today I caught him practicing his crooked smile in the mirror. So just in case this phase lasts long, you all understand :) 

preschool mikey tmnt

IMG_6354ed 36 pounds

41 Inches Tall

Teacher: Ann Hardman

Favorite Color: Orange and Yellow

Favorite Food: Spaghetti and Meatballs

Favorite TV Show: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Future Occupation: He wants to be an eye doctor when he grows up.

September 2015 Update


grief blog Patrick – is in the process of moving up to the next level at work which makes workdays quite busy. ADP, the owners, sold the company at the beginning of the month. Not the best timing, but we’re hoping there won’t be any big surprises.

Temple Square

Ashley – is giddy every single morning when she realizes something other than herself washed the dishes while she was sleeping. (Seriously, it’s like magic) She is still enjoying UT, but is counting down the days until she gets to make a trip home for her cousin’s wedding at the end of this month.

family history

Preslee – has taught her mom the importance of genealogy work. Ashley has spent the last few weeks finding names and hoping to finish their temple work soon.


Ledger – is obsessed with making forts, he spends hours playing with his toys inside them. He anxiously awaits for his brothers’ nap time when he gets alone time with mom. He is finally interested in writing/coloring so mom spends afternoons teaching Ledger how to write. He still isn’t sure if he’s left or right handed, so holding and writing with a pencil is still a bit awkward.

Rescue bots

Cannon – aka the Hulk usually destroys everything in his path. You can usually find him running around in circles wearing Ledger’s TMNT socks and a super hero cape.


Cruiz – this little sneak is the reason for all the locks on our cupboards. He talks nonstop, but we just can’t seem to understand him… (the same problem his mom had) but after the tantrums subside, you can usually find a sweet huggable boy who loves sneaking into Ledger’s room to steal his favorite toys.

fawn pug

Pog – has possibly benefited the most from our move to UT. A big fenced in yard allows her to run, and she’s lost quite a bit of weight. She is incredibly happy and laid back now and the UT groomers seem to love her, her change in personality makes Ashley happy she decided to keep her.

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