Made with Love

With the start of a new year, a new decade even, I've made it a goal to be more present with the people I care about. As a stay at home mom who uses Walmart pick-up to grocery shop, I can go days without seeing anyone outside of my home. I've made it a goal to check in on friends and neighbors a little more often and I tend to dislike showing up empty handed. I've learned that an inexpensive gift to give is a baked treat. Whether you enjoy baking, or swinging by the grocery store,  my tip is to bake or buy a little extra for someone else to enjoy. 

It's an easy way to brighten someone's day.

This week my favorite zucchini bread (I add chocolate chips to mine) was on the menu. I doubled the batch and had two extra loaves to deliver. I wrapped them in butcher paper, added these custom - made with love tags, and tied them on with bakers twine. I love how they turned out!

Click here to download the free printable.

Click here to download an all black and white version as well.

Remember, serving and helping others doesn't have to be a lot of work. Finding ways to make it fit into your lifestyle is key. What works for you? I'd love to know in the comments below.  

How to Help Someone Grieving During the Holidays

The Holidays are quickly approaching, and though it’s a magical time for most, those who have experienced a recent loss tend to struggle. Family gatherings and celebrations are often a painful reminder of what is missing in their life. As I think back over the past nine years following my daughter’s death, I realize there were many people who made a conscious effort to help us get through the Holidays. I wanted to compile different ways to help someone experiencing grief survive this time of year. 

1. Acknowledge the loss. It’s okay to acknowledge the loss. Often times people say, “I don’t want to make them sad,” but I can assure you they’ve already thought about their situation. Please realize that by saying, “I’m sorry,” at any time after someone has passed away is never inappropriate or too late.
   
   
2. Don’t be afraid to ask. We experienced Christmas just a few months after we lost our daughter. I realize it was difficult for family to know or understand the best way to help us, but I was so grateful when one side of the family asked how they could make it easier for us. I was thankful they asked, because though I loved my nephews and nieces, I didn’t want to watch them open presents. I just couldn’t. I felt guilty for feeling this way, but couldn't help it. When a family member asked how they could help, I was grateful to be given the opportunity to quietly share my feelings. After conversing, we decided that my husband and I would take off a little early on Christmas Eve before they opened presents. In contrast, when we visited the other side on Christmas day, I didn’t dare speak up and they carried on with tradition as usual. After watching the kids open presents, I went downstairs and cried. It made for a difficult day.
   
   
   
3. Think about all family members. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a million times easier finding a grief related gift for women than it is men and boys, but one thing I’ve observed is that males need to know they have support too. Try to acknowledge everyone in the family, including children. One year I dropped off a gift for a neighbor who had recently lost his brother. His wife later told me that it was the first time he had been given a gift, everyone else had only thought about his parents. Since then I’ve made a conscious effort to focus on more than just the female(s) in the family.  Here are some gift suggestions for men -here, and children - here.
   
   
   
4. Take Action. While grieving, it’s not uncommon to find it difficult to celebrate. A great way to help someone grieving is by incorporating their loved one into the holiday. Christmas ornaments, decor, jewelry, or even decorating headstones can be a great way to help remind them their loved one won’t be forgotten. When my husband and I struggled to decorate that first year, my dad showed up on our doorstep a few days before Christmas with a tree and angel ornaments in hand. (Read more about it here) I bawled while decorating the tree and was grateful for his unwavering support. I could tell he was nervous, but I’m so grateful he decided to act. To this day, we still decorate our angel tree with the same ornaments he bought us and use it as a way to incorporate Preslee during the Holidays.
5. Lighten their load. The holidays can be a stressful time of year for many different reasons, but when grief gets mixed in, it becomes just plain hard. One way to help relieve the stress of those grieving is by lightening their load. Whether it be dropping off paper products to help with dishes, making/buying dinner, or shoveling their walk way, your act of kindness won’t go unnoticed.
   
   
   
6. Read. If you aren’t familiar with the grieving process, take a few minutes and look into it. One of the best ways to support someone is learning more about their situation. This will help you understand what they need and will hopefully help you be a little more sympathetic to their situation. My aunt sent some information on grief to my parents right before the Holidays and my mom later shared with me how grateful she was for it. Understanding the grieving process will go a long ways and might just give you a little glimpse of why they are reacting or feeling the way that they are.

I know we’re not alone in this, because so many of you have shared similar experiences. Was there something that someone specifically did that helped you during the Holidays that I missed? If so, let us know, below.

WE CAN DO HARD THINGS-(Whittlee hamblin)

On the day that Whittlee Hamblin’s husband, Stewart, was given a clean bill of health from a brain tumor he was diagnosed with last year, she was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. This news came as nothing short of a shock to their systems. Having a young family, their oldest daughter is 5 and their twin daughters are 4, they never anticipated facing these heavy health related trials at this stage in their lives. They thought they were on the up and up with their health until a hard mass was found in Whittlee’s abdomen. She now halfway through her chemotherapy treatments and says she feels so much better since being treated.

Whittlee shared, “We don’t always understand why we are called to go through certain trials in life. However, I have learned that God’s plan is the best plan! When I put my faith in His timing I feel more peace in my life. When I trust that the trials I face are happening for my good, that they are rigged in my favor, I find evidence of this truth. I can see how perfectly God has orchestrated my life to be exactly the way it is. I can also see how these trials are blessing the lives of my family members and those in my community.”

Whittlee and her family are an inspiration to anyone who crosses their paths, and we are thrilled that she was willing share with us some of the things that are and are not helpful for her and her sweet family as they make their way through this trial.

What are some things that people say to you that you find helpful?

The most uplifting words shared with us through this experience have been “we love you and we are praying for you”. No other phrase has brought as much peace to our hearts as this simple expression of love and as those who surround us pray on behalf of our family.

Were there certain things that have been said to you or your family during this time that have been hurtful?

I firmly believe that the words people share are neutral and that the thoughts I have about the words that are shared are my responsibility. Put simply, I can choose to be hurt by words or I can choose to think that people are genuinely trying to help in some way. What hasn’t been helpful are stories of other people that have passed away from the same type of cancer that I have. I focus so much on living and keeping a positive attitude that these stories of death can pull me down quickly if I let them.

Can you tell us about some acts of service that have meant a lot to your family?

Absolutely! Here are some things people in our community have done that have majorly helped us:

· Sent a text message along the lines of “Hey, I’m headed to Walmart, Target, or Costco. Do you need anything while I’m out?” This specific text lets me think about what I’ve forgotten to purchase for my family and allows my friends to help in a specific way.

· A family in our church congregation has taken on the liberty of mowing our lawn every other weekend so my husband has more time with my family.

· 4 different friends trade off helping me with laundry each week. They’ll pick up two loads of laundry each Monday and return the clean, folded clothes the next day. This is so helpful!

· Another friend with more means has paid for a cleaning service to deep clean our home every other week. This is so generous and helpful. My husband and I can keep our home picked up and tidy during the week. But it’s so helpful to have someone come to deep clean the bathrooms and kitchen!

· I have a friend who will send me humorous memes via text a couple times a week. These make me laugh and help me see humor in my life!

Were there any actions from others that have been hurtful to you or your family?

Yes! When I was first diagnosed with colon cancer, well-meaning friends would often drop in out of the blue to say “hi”. During that time, I was in immense physical pain and wasn’t always up for visits. So these unannounced pop-in visits were very draining even though the intention behind them was good. We learned our lesson and made a sign for our front door. This sign indicated that we were having family time. It gave people notice that we would love a visit, but to text us first so we made sure it was a good time for our family. This helped tremendously!

A huge thank you goes out to Whittlee! We wish her all the best as she continues to fight. If you would like to follow Whittlee and the Hamblin family on their continued journey, here is where you can find her online.

Instagram handles: @whittlee & @inspriredhomepodcast @hamblingroupinteriors

Facebook pages: Whittlee Hamblin & Whittlee’s Warrirors

Website: whittlee.hamblin.cc

Gift Ideas

• Greeting Card
• “I Can Do Hard Things” Ring
• Custom “Do Not Deserve” Sign
• House Cleaning Gift Certificate
  
  

WE CAN DO HARD THINGS-(ALEXIS KOONTZ)

We say over and over again here on this blog that the most important thing is to just show up for someone who is trudging through a painful trial. And yet, even those of us who have lived through the unthinkable ourselves can still struggle to know how to show our solicitude when such a trial shows up for a loved one. That is what the “We Can Do Hard Things” series is about.

Sometimes you may think that there is nothing to do to ease the pain of a loved one’s loss, but today’s guest, Alexis Koontz, tells us, “If you are looking for way to help those around you during times a grief, think of something personal, something just for them.”

It was just over five years ago that Alexis lost her father. She was 23 years old, going to college and living on her own for the first time. She still remembers getting the call during her winter break from school. Her brother called to tell her that their Dad had died from a heart attack while living in Saudi Arabia. Being half a world away from him made her feel empty and alone. The person who knew the most about her was gone and she knew nothing could ever be the same.

Within the last 5 years, Alexis has gained some incredible insight of how to help someone after the loss of a parent. We are thankful that she was willing to share some of those insights to help us feel more enabled in helping a love one through such a huge loss.

What were some things that were helpful that were said to you after your father died?

Those who expressed feelings of empathy, rather than sympathy helped the most. Many people in my life who had lost a close family member shared their stories of loss with me. It was those who could relate to my situation and said more than “I’m sorry for your loss” that let me know everything would be ok. Those conversations made me not feel alone and showed me that my life could go on.

While people generally have good intentions, sometimes the things they say can be hurtful. Were there any things that were said to you after your dad died that ended up hurting you more than helping you?

The most hurtful words came from those who had the best intentions. People told me that I should not be sad, my Dad would not have wanted it. They said I needed to show him what his life meant to me. Many people even told me that my sorrow had a time line and would be over soon. All of those expectations made me feel like a failure as I grieved. I felt as though my sadness was my own fault, and I felt guilty for it. I wanted to just be happy to fit other’s expectations, but I needed time to move forward.

Can you tell us about some acts of service or gifts that meant a lot to you after the death of your father?

The best help came from those who did not expect my sorrow to stop me from living my life. The week after my father died, my brother and I were scheduled to go back to school for our Spring semester. My brother reached out to make sure I knew we could get through it together. While sadness still lingered, I learned that I could do ordinary things like study for tests and sit through lectures.

Right after my dad died, a promotion opened up at work. Although I was fully qualified, I was not emotionally up to taking on new responsibilities. It was through the encouragement of my supervisor that I stood up and took on the challenge. She helped me see that my skills were not gone even if my courage was low.

While some people were not be able to make big things happen, others got me my favorite foods, made sure I got out of the house, and let me know they were thinking of me in their own ways. I will forever be grateful for the gourmet cookies that were delivered to my house soon after the news got out!

What about anything that was done for you that was hurtful, despite good intentions from the other person?

The most hurtful acts came at work. A few well-meaning coworkers took it upon themselves to tell my story around the office. I would walk into a meeting knowing that everyone there had just been talking about me. The look of pity in their eyes was beyond unbearable. I keep many personal things out of the office, and those moments broke my trust.

A huge shout out to Alexis for sharing her experiences. She wanted to remind you that, “During these times, it is difficult to know what someone needs, but reaching out in simple ways makes all the difference.”

Gift Ideas:

• Keepsake Memory Doll
• Gourmet Cookie Package
• Round About You Print
• Uber Eats Gift Card

How to Support a Grieving Dad

Sometimes I feel guilty. I have received so much support over the years after losing Preslee, but sometimes it hurts because Patrick isn't always included. I have received so many gifts, and Patrick - only a few. People will talk to me about Preslee, and many times won't acknowledge Patrick in the same conversation. 

I've learned this isn't uncommon.

So we wanted to share what Pat found helpful to him in this short video.

Happy Father's Day to all the great men out there!

We want you to know we see you, love you, and think about you!