12 Ways to Help Someone Who is in the Hospital

In 2010 we were living in Idaho and our 18 month old daughter, Preslee fell into a canal. She was found over a mile downstream by a farmer who immediately called 911. You can read more about her story here. She was flown to a hospital in SLC, UT and stayed for a week before she passed away. After writing 12 Ways to Help A Family Planning A Funeral, I had multiple requests to share how to help a person or family who is in the hospital. So I've compiled what we learned from our week stay at Primary Children's Hospital.

Note: We left a camera out on the table and I'm not sure who took all of these pictures. Sometimes it was a nurse, other times it was family. Years later, I'm so grateful for every picture we have with her.

1. Basic Needs - Everyone needs to eat and everyone needs clothing. We were so grateful when people dropped off food for us. Whether they ran and grabbed something at a restaurant or purchased something from the cafeteria, we always appreciated it. My cousin brought fruit and muffins and those were a hit because we could leave them in the room with us and snack when we wanted. My friend who was a nurse at the same hospital cooked us a homemade meal and ate with us in the cafeteria. My aunt who lived close to the hospital came and grabbed our dirty laundry and washed it for us. We were grateful for those who took care of our basic needs so we could give our full attention to Preslee.



2. Transportation - Once the decision was made to send Preslee on a helicopter to SLC, my aunt without being asked immediately reached out to an old college friend who owned an airplane. We had never met him before and were blown away when he agreed to fly us to Utah in the middle of the night with very little notice. We flew right in front of Preslee and he helped us track her on his GPS. We landed at a different airport than Preslee around 3:00 AM and my uncle was waiting for us and drove us to Primary Children's Hospital. Just in case Preslee arrived at the hospital before us, my brother was there waiting for her so she wouldn't be alone. So many people helped us with transportation that day. We didn't have a car during the hospital stay, so we were grateful when people ran errands for us or let us borrow their car. Be aware if the patient arrives on life flight or ambulance the person who accompanies them most likely won't have a car. 

3. Personal Items - When we learned Preslee was going to be transported by life flight to another state, we quickly went home and threw some clothes into a bag and left. It was clear the next day that we didn't pack everything we needed. I wore daily contacts and after a few days in the same pair I desperately needed some new ones. I was grateful when Patrick's step brother called and asked if he could bring us anything. He stopped by our house to grab a few extra things for us and drove 3 1/2 hours to deliver them to us. 

4. Posters and Pictures - We had multiple blog readers tell us to put up pictures of Preslee in her hospital room. They explained that it would help the doctors remember she was more than just a sick patient. My cousin's wife printed off pictures and brought tape to hang them up for us. The pictures and posters helped cheer up her room a little bit as well.

5. Send Money or Gift Cards - When the accident happened, we were college students, so finances were tight. Once the decision was made to fly Preslee to a larger hospital, a family friend who had arrived at the hospital, stopped Patrick and handed him a lot of money in cash. He had obviously thought ahead and told Pat he didn't want us to worry about anything we didn't need to. Pat just cried. I hadn't even thought about finances, but with Preslee being life flighted and knowing a long hospital stay was in our future, Pat later told me he had begun to panic about how we would be able to afford it. My mom later showed up with a check from her neighbors and told us they sent it so we could eat at the cafeteria without worrying. We were grateful for big hearts that really made a big difference!

Preslee with Grandpa Sullenger

6. Take A Shift - Patrick and I were reluctant to leave Preslee alone. We wanted to protect her, and it quickly became obvious our parents were doing the same for us. They strongly encouraged us to go get some sleep so we could focus and make important decisions for Preslee. When they realized that we didn't want to leave her alone, we had multiple family members offer to stay the night with her. Each night, someone different took a shift. From Pat's brothers, to our parents, we were so grateful for their help. If a family has other children and can't be there around the clock, I suggest calling and offering to go and visit the person in the hospital during the day. Family members did this for us when our twin boys were in the NICU and it was incredibly helpful.

Preslee with Grandma Siddoway

7. Send a Gift - Before our hospital stay, I didn't know you could send things other than flowers to the hospital. I had just never thought about it. My uncle's sister sent us a picture of Preslee with an encouraging note. Our ward and neighbors sent a blanket with the signatures of all the young children who attended our local church. My old high school teacher sent an encouraging letter telling me it was okay to take care of myself at times. So if you live far away, don't feel like you can't help. I've sent Crumbl cookies more than once to be delivered to friends.

8. Be Mindful of their Situation -  This one is hard for me to share, because we truly appreciated everyone who came to the hospital, and I NEVER want to stop anyone from supporting someone in a time of need. But I ask you to take a minute and think about how close you really are to the person or family and what role you should play.

Preslee with Great Grandma Wightman, Great Grandma Siddoway, Great Grandpa Siddoway

In the PICU, only three people were allowed to be in Preslee's hospital room at one time. So if visitors came we either had to leave Preslee and visit with them in the hall or one of us needed to leave the room to let the visitors in. Though every once in a while we didn't mind,  I remember there were a few times I felt upset as I waited in the hallway for a long time hoping someone in her room would walk out. I know I could have gone in at any time, but I really didn't want to be rude, especially when so many traveled over three hours to get there. What I learned from this experience is to do one of two things.

1. Call or text a family member. If you aren't immediate family, call or text to see if they would like a visit. This gives them an out if they really don't want one. I've had multiple people thank me for reaching out, but say today just isn't a good day. And that's fine! Please don't be offended. If I get this response, I usually move onto #2. But if they do want a visit, I always ask if they need me to bring anything to them. I also try to keep my visit relatively short. But if you are immediate family or their best friend, I would show up and help in any way I could.
2. Drop something off. This is usually my go to. If I don't know the person extremely well, I will create a care package (I'll share what I bring at the end of this post) and drop it off at the front desk with the patient's name and room number along with a note to be delivered. I know the things I drop will help in some way, but yet, I won't be intruding. I realize time is precious in the hospital and I don't want to take that away from them. 

9. Journal -  This coincides with the ideas above. Over the years I've been asked a surprising amount of times how to handle a lot of visitors at the hospital. I've come to learn that not everyone knows how to handle the situation. We didn't either. There was one day when it seemed like everyone came to visit. We were constantly being pulled out of the room and Preslee was struggling that day and it was stressful. I can't remember if I said something, but my dad quickly read the situation. He went down to the hospital gift shop and purchased a journal and pen. From that moment on, if it wasn't immediate family or really close friends, he was the one to greet them and explain that Preslee was having a hard day and that we needed to be by her side. He would hand them the journal and encourage them to leave a note. Though it wasn't optimal, I'm sure they wanted to talk to us, it allowed people to leave an encouraging message and allowed us to stay with Preslee. I still remember reading the messages in the journal and crying later that night. 

Also, please be aware that if someone is about to pass away their last minutes on earth are precious. If everyone that ever knew them came to say goodbye, it wouldn't leave any time for the family. I once received a phone call from a mom in this situation and my heart broke for her. She was so grateful for the support and didn't want to be rude, but with only hours left with her son, she didn't know what to do or say to the people who kept knocking on their door.

Again, I don't want to deter anyone from visiting and supporting anyone, but please stop and think through a few different things before you go. 

10. Take Care of their Home - While we were away in Utah, the people back home in Idaho stepped up and took care of everything at our house. I still can't get over what people did for us. People are so good! We ran a Sno Shack at the time, and my extended family and best friend jumped in and figured out how to run it for us. My SIL called her dad and asked him to mow our lawn. He later called her back and said someone had already beat him to it. My aunt and cousin went into our home and cleaned the entire house, did our laundry, and had the fridge stocked for us when we returned home. Talk about a humbling experience. It was such a blessing knowing we didn't need to worry about what was happening at home while we were at the hospital.

11. Child Care - Many units in the hospital don't allow children under 12. Therefore, if a family has children at home, they can't visit the hospital. The nurses told us that many times children are left alone in the PICU because families can't find or afford sitters on a regular basis. This broke my heart, because I know we were a rare case with having so many people there to support Preslee. If you know a family with small children, offering to babysit could be an incredible gift.

12. Make Arrangements to Help Them Sleep - The first night we flew down to the hospital and when the second night came around we were exhausted. We tried to sleep in the hospital and it just didn't go well. My parents noticed and without hesitation booked a hotel room close by. About five days later, my parents started looking into different options for us to stay, (The Ronald McDonald House) but Preslee passed away before we finalized anything. I think doing the research or giving the family different options of places to stay could be very helpful. We really did sleep better in the hotel, and having a shower there was nice. It also gave us some privacy to discuss and make important decisions regarding Preslee without others weighing in. Having family members looking out for our well being was a blessing.

Though we were only there a week, it seemed like a lifetime. I'm not sure Patrick and I would have survived without all the help we received during that week. I hope these ideas will help you show up for the people you love during a hospital stay.
  

Please note that this post contains affiliate links and sales made through such links will reward me a small commission - at no extra cost to you. 

Gift Ideas:

• Presentlee's Sending Love Care Package - With all these experiences in mind I've worked hard to create a package for people to send to someone in the hospital. Whether it is sent to the patient or to the parents who have a child in the hospital, our new package will be a useful and uplifting gift! The package includes a sleep mask, fuzzy socks, scrunchie, chapstick, jolly ranchers, and a custom handwritten card. And don't worry, a male version will be released soon! 
• Journal - I wrote quite a bit down while we were there. This one from Amazon is a great option as well. 
• Thank You Cards - I asked for these so I could thank our favorite nurses and doctors. 
• Noise Cancelling Headphones - Our good friend recommended these after he experienced a brain injury.
• Blanket - Hospital rooms get cold!
• Stuffed Animals - Many people sent one for Preslee along with necklaces and books.
• Amazon Gift Card - There's a lot of waiting time. Audio books or renting a movie might be a nice gift. 
• Cash/Money for food and gas.
• Uplifting Items - I see you necklace, I can do hard things necklace, Hope necklace, Hug Box.  

Hospital Bags:

These are the bags we compile for the Give Presentlee Foundation and what I usually drop off if I know someone unexpectedly ends up in the hospital.

• Tote bag
• Blanket
• Fuzzy socks (I look for the ones with grippers on the bottom)
• Chapstick
• Treats - Granola bars, Cliff Bars, Gold fish, jerky, trail mix,
• Journal or Notepad 
• Pens
• Hair Elastics 
• Contact Case and Solution
• Altoids or gum
• Children's Book - If there will be kids there, I'll often add kid items like books, small toys, and coloring books.
• Travel Size Toiletry Items
• Handwritten note

Have you experienced a long hospital stay? What did you learn? What things helped you? Please share with us below!

Gone Too Soon

It was a warm summer evening and I was counting down the minutes until my husband and I could leave for our date. It had been ages since we had been able to get away on our own. My in-laws had agreed to watch our 18-month-old daughter, Preslee, while we attended a movie. As soon as we walked through the door, Preslee took off running to join her older cousins. As I said goodbye and attempted to sneak in a quick little hug before we left, she quickly ran past me and never looked back. I smiled as I watched her play and thought to myself, ‘It will only be a couple of hours.’

My husband and I enjoyed the next few hours of rare found freedom. As we were driving out of the parking lot and headed back to my in-laws’ home, Patrick made a call to an unknown number that had called during the movie. In seconds, the atmosphere in the car changed. I could hear Patrick’s voice mix with desperation and fear as he spoke to the person on the other end of the line. I panicked as he suddenly made a U-turn and raced through a red light. I instantly knew something was terribly wrong.

My husband quickly explained that an old acquaintance, who was now a policeman, had heard our names mentioned on his work radio and immediately called Patrick’s cell phone. He told us to rush to the hospital because someone was being airlifted there. We both instantly knew it could only be one person, our daughter Preslee.

The next little bit is now a blur. The drive to the hospital. The way I felt when I called every family member back at the house to try and figure out what happened. Nobody answered. We finally pulled up to the hospital and frantically ran through the halls until we were led to the right place. We were pulled into a private waiting room where a male doctor told us our daughter was being flown to the hospital at this very moment and would arrive shortly. All he knew was she had fallen into a canal and had been in the water from anywhere from 0-30 minutes. He apologized for not knowing anymore details but told us we needed to prepare ourselves, because no matter the outcome, our lives had just changed forever.

The doctor quickly left the room and we sat there in disbelief. How did this happen? Shortly after, we were notified that Preslee had arrived. As I entered the hospital room, all I could see was a big group of doctors and nurses frantically working around a gurney. A sweet nurse noticed me and asked, ‘Are you mom?’ I nodded my head and replied, ‘yes.’ She gently grabbed me by the arm and pulled me through the group of people doing their best to save my daughter’s life and placed me right next to Preslee. At the first glance of her little face, I instantly began to cry. That’s when reality hit. She was so pale. There was no coloring left in her skin. The team of doctors worked frantically to warm her perfect little body that didn’t have a scratch on it. The nurses encouraged me to talk to her, so that’s what I did. Minutes later they detected a heartbeat.

After she had a consistent heartbeat, the doctor made the decision to fly Preslee to a bigger children’s hospital in a neighboring state. After six days of us rarely leaving her side and praying for a miracle, the doctors informed us that Preslee no longer had any brain activity and she would never regain it. We were devastated. The next day she passed away in my arms. Watching your child take their last breath is excruciating. Walking out of the hospital with empty arms is something you never really get over.

It took years to collect all the little details of what actually happened that night, but I eventually did.

With 10 adults and five kids present, anyone would assume our daughter would have been safe. But after unexpected guests rang the doorbell, a bag of popcorn started on fire, and multiple little kids ran around outside, it seems like it only took seconds for Preslee to slip past everyone and into the canal. Her absence was quickly noticed. Shortly after, adults were checking closets, window wells, and every possible hiding place. Family members were searching the neighborhood and soon after, the neighbors joined in on the search. My brother-in-law who was quickly aware of the canal in the backyard that separated the yard from the golf course began to follow it downstream. He ran alongside it for a mile and a half when he came upon a farmer who was pulling Preslee out of the water. Our sweet little girl had bumped into this farmer’s leg while he was working on the head gate in the canal. He instantly pulled her out of the water and began CPR while his brother called 911. We’ll be forever grateful to these men because not far downstream, the canal empties into a larger river. We were told there’s a good chance her body would have never been found.

Though my husband and I weren’t there, I’ll spend my life sharing her story because I’ve learned it only takes seconds for a drowning to occur. Did you know that among unintentional injuries, drowning is the second leading cause of death for children under the age of five? I had no clue. Every summer hundreds of drownings happen in pools and open water across the country. It’s heartbreaking to learn about each situation. All it takes is a turn of the head, a glance at a phone, or your attention to be held elsewhere and it can be too late.

As summer approaches and the canals and pools begin to fill with water, please learn from our experience. The number one thing we’ve changed in our home concerning water safety is that we never assume somebody else is watching our child. If I need to run inside, I vocally tell my husband he’s now in charge of watching our children, even if I plan on being away for only a minute. Our goal isn’t to scare you away from the water, but rather empower you and your family through water safety.

If you’re interested in learning more about some precautions and good rules you and your family can abide by, below is a document I helped create with a group of moms who have all had a child drown. Our hope is to educate others because most children slip silently into the water. There usually isn’t a loud noise or any splashing. It really does only take a few seconds.

Click here to download the Water Safety Printable.

This post was originally written for Love What Matters 

How to Help Someone Grieving During the Holidays

The Holidays are quickly approaching, and though it’s a magical time for most, those who have experienced a recent loss tend to struggle. Family gatherings and celebrations are often a painful reminder of what is missing in their life. As I think back over the past nine years following my daughter’s death, I realize there were many people who made a conscious effort to help us get through the Holidays. I wanted to compile different ways to help someone experiencing grief survive this time of year. 

1. Acknowledge the loss. It’s okay to acknowledge the loss. Often times people say, “I don’t want to make them sad,” but I can assure you they’ve already thought about their situation. Please realize that by saying, “I’m sorry,” at any time after someone has passed away is never inappropriate or too late.
   
   
2. Don’t be afraid to ask. We experienced Christmas just a few months after we lost our daughter. I realize it was difficult for family to know or understand the best way to help us, but I was so grateful when one side of the family asked how they could make it easier for us. I was thankful they asked, because though I loved my nephews and nieces, I didn’t want to watch them open presents. I just couldn’t. I felt guilty for feeling this way, but couldn't help it. When a family member asked how they could help, I was grateful to be given the opportunity to quietly share my feelings. After conversing, we decided that my husband and I would take off a little early on Christmas Eve before they opened presents. In contrast, when we visited the other side on Christmas day, I didn’t dare speak up and they carried on with tradition as usual. After watching the kids open presents, I went downstairs and cried. It made for a difficult day.
   
   
   
3. Think about all family members. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a million times easier finding a grief related gift for women than it is men and boys, but one thing I’ve observed is that males need to know they have support too. Try to acknowledge everyone in the family, including children. One year I dropped off a gift for a neighbor who had recently lost his brother. His wife later told me that it was the first time he had been given a gift, everyone else had only thought about his parents. Since then I’ve made a conscious effort to focus on more than just the female(s) in the family.  Here are some gift suggestions for men -here, and children - here.
   
   
   
4. Take Action. While grieving, it’s not uncommon to find it difficult to celebrate. A great way to help someone grieving is by incorporating their loved one into the holiday. Christmas ornaments, decor, jewelry, or even decorating headstones can be a great way to help remind them their loved one won’t be forgotten. When my husband and I struggled to decorate that first year, my dad showed up on our doorstep a few days before Christmas with a tree and angel ornaments in hand. (Read more about it here) I bawled while decorating the tree and was grateful for his unwavering support. I could tell he was nervous, but I’m so grateful he decided to act. To this day, we still decorate our angel tree with the same ornaments he bought us and use it as a way to incorporate Preslee during the Holidays.
5. Lighten their load. The holidays can be a stressful time of year for many different reasons, but when grief gets mixed in, it becomes just plain hard. One way to help relieve the stress of those grieving is by lightening their load. Whether it be dropping off paper products to help with dishes, making/buying dinner, or shoveling their walk way, your act of kindness won’t go unnoticed.
   
   
   
6. Read. If you aren’t familiar with the grieving process, take a few minutes and look into it. One of the best ways to support someone is learning more about their situation. This will help you understand what they need and will hopefully help you be a little more sympathetic to their situation. My aunt sent some information on grief to my parents right before the Holidays and my mom later shared with me how grateful she was for it. Understanding the grieving process will go a long ways and might just give you a little glimpse of why they are reacting or feeling the way that they are.

I know we’re not alone in this, because so many of you have shared similar experiences. Was there something that someone specifically did that helped you during the Holidays that I missed? If so, let us know, below.

How to Support a Grieving Dad

Sometimes I feel guilty. I have received so much support over the years after losing Preslee, but sometimes it hurts because Patrick isn't always included. I have received so many gifts, and Patrick - only a few. People will talk to me about Preslee, and many times won't acknowledge Patrick in the same conversation. 

I've learned this isn't uncommon.

So we wanted to share what Pat found helpful to him in this short video.

Happy Father's Day to all the great men out there!

We want you to know we see you, love you, and think about you!

Give Presentlee’s christmas project

The first Christmas after losing Preslee was awful. With no kids to focus on, and missing Preslee more than we could bare, Pat and I didn’t even discuss Christmas. I just couldn’t get myself to go there. We didn’t decorate, we didn’t watch a single Christmas movie, we avoided it all costs. We desperately hoped family wouldn’t ask us to watch nephews and nieces open presents that year. We just couldn’t do it.



To our surprise, about a week before Christmas, people began showing up. A tree was brought into our home and decorated. People dropped off incredibly thoughtful gifts. Anonymous cards with money were sent and gave us the push to Christmas shop for family members. And a stranger even sent us a gift card to Texas Roadhouse and told us she wanted us to have something to look forward to. We ended up inviting some friends and I remember actually laughing that night, something that I hadn’t done much of in months.
Every Christmas I think back to that time and recognize how much every act of kindness meant to us. People’s actions truly made a difference in our lives and I’ve wanted to be able to do the same ever since.

This year on December 17th, and what would be Preslee’s 10th Birthday, the Give Presentlee Foundation wants to make a difference for other families. We want to show up on multiple doorsteps (or send packages) and spread a little hope to those struggling this year just like we were eight years ago.



Last year our Give Presentlee Bags were a HUGE SUCCESS because of so many of YOU! This year we’re asking for your help again and there’s two ways to get involved.


Nominate - Our mission with the Give Presentlee Foundation is to help families affected by tragedy. Do you know a family or individual that has experienced something difficult and could use a little extra help this holiday season? If so, we would love to learn more about them and their situation. Please fill out this form to have them considered for a donation on December 17th. We will most likely be sending/giving cash to help with Christmas (Or other things if we see fit) and anyone in the US can be considered.


Donate- Last year while we were compiling bags (to learn more about this project, click here, and scroll down to the bottom of the page) for Primary Children’s Hospital, we were blown away with how many people wanted to contribute. It was because of so many of YOU that our project was an incredible success! If you’re looking to donate this Holiday season, we would love to be considered. The more money we can raise means the more people we can help. We will be using the money Presentlee donated from all the purchases made throughout the year, and we promise ALL of the donations made will be given to this cause.

You can donate here or just below.

Thank you!

Thank you to everyone who has purchased from Presentlee this year. This really was the main reason we launched the store, it was my hope to find a way to give back and you’ve helped us accomplish it.

Thank you to all those who continually support us with our endeavors for Preslee’s Birthday. We have such an amazing support system and will be forever grateful.

Be Present Service Challenge

It’s no secret that service flooded my life after losing Preslee. Countless people served me and it wasn’t until I began serving others that I was lifted out of the deep dark hole I found myself in. I still depend on service years later when I feel grief creeping back in. I have learned so much over the years, from not only my own experiences, but from many of the experiences you’ve shared with me.

A little less than a year ago, I posted a survey asking what readers wanted to read on the blog. I was hoping for a few suggestions, but I was BLOWN AWAY with the number of responses!  (Hundreds! Thank you! )Two of the topics that kept arising were:

• How to find happiness during trying times?
• How to help others experiencing difficult times?

I’ve thought about these two questions and have come to realize the answers are both very intertwined. I’ve had an idea swimming around in my head for quite some time and after brainstorming with my team over at Presentlee, we got to work creating a solution that will help people understand these topics a little better.

We’ve created a six week service challenge. Yes, six weeks, but don’t freak out! I promise it isn’t as overwhelming as it may sound. I’m a busy mom (just like many of you) and don’t have time for anything drastic, but I’ve learned it’s the little changes that make the biggest difference.

So we’ve made the challenge easy and you can pick how involved YOU want to be. We’ve selected topics each week to help anyone participating slowly think outside themselves a little more.

The topics each week are:

Week 1 – Love Yourself
Week 2 –  Love Your Spouse // Loved one
Week 3 – Love Your Kids
Week 4 – Love Your Friends
Week 5 – Love Your Neighbors
Week 6 – Love Your Community

For each topic we will give you a printable to guide you through the week that looks like this.

In preparation, I recently asked people to share their concerns of what holds them back when it comes to serving others. Whether it be confidence, money, or ideas, over the next six weeks we will be giving you tips, tricks, and ideas to help you support the people YOU LOVE. Because let’s be honest, it can be difficult to show up on somebody's doorstep and not know exactly what to do or say.

HOW TO START

Every Sunday the next week’s topic will be posted here on the blog which allow you to prepare for the next week. All six printables are linked above if you want to look ahead. Each printable gives three options of service ideas and the supplies needed for that week. You can do as many of the options as you’d like, or adapt it to fit your needs.

We hope you’ll join us for the challenge. To be honest, the reason I serve is often just as much for myself as it is to help the people I’m serving. I’ll expound more on this in my next post, but if you have questions, please let me know!

So grab friend to do this challenge with (It’s always more fun with a friend, and they help keep you on track) and follow along on Instagram @give.presentlee where I’ll be incredibly active, sharing personal experiences, tips/tricks and giving away prizes.

Let’s make a goal to Be More Present and spread hope to those who need it most. I can’t wait for all of us to make a difference – together.

Ready to start? Click here to take a look at Week 1.

How to help someone grieving during the holidays

The Holidays are quickly approaching, and though it’s a magical time for most, those who have experienced a recent loss tend to struggle. Family gatherings and celebrations are often a painful reminder of what is missing in their life. As I think back over the past seven years following my daughter’s death, I realize there were many people who made a conscious effort to help us get through the Holidays.  I wanted to compile different ways to help someone experiencing grief survive this time of year. 

1. Acknowledge the loss. It’s okay to acknowledge the loss. Often times people say, “I don’t want to make them sad,” but I can assure you they’ve already thought about their situation. Please realize that by saying, “I’m sorry,” at any time after someone has passed away is never inappropriate or too late.
   
   

2. Don’t be afraid to ask. We experienced Christmas just a few months after we lost our daughter. I realize it was difficult for family to know or understand the best way to help us, but I was so grateful when one side of the family asked how they could make it easier for us. I was thankful they asked, because though I loved my nephews and nieces, I didn’t want to watch them open presents. I just couldn’t. I felt guilty for feeling this way, but couldn't help it. When a family member asked how they could help, I was grateful to be given the opportunity to quietly share my feelings. After conversing, we decided that my husband and I would take off a little early on Christmas Eve before they opened presents. In contrast, when we visited the other side on Christmas day, I didn’t dare speak up and they carried on with tradition like usual. After watching the kids open presents, I went downstairs and cried. It made for a difficult day.
   
   
   

3. Think about all family members. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a million times easier finding a grief related gift for women than it is men and boys, but one thing I’ve observed is that males need to know they have support too. Try to acknowledge everyone in the family, including children. One year I dropped off a gift for a neighbor who had recently lost his brother. His wife later told me that was the first time he had been given a gift, everyone else had only thought about his parents. Since then I’ve made a conscious effort to focus on more than just the female(s) in the family.  Here are a couple gift suggestions for men -here and here, and children - here.
   
   
   

4. Take Action. While grieving, it’s not uncommon to find it difficult to celebrate. A great way to help someone grieving is by incorporating their loved one into the holiday. Christmas ornaments, decor, jewelry, or even decorating headstones can be a great way to help remind them their loved one won’t be forgotten. When my husband and I struggled to decorate that first year, my dad showed up on our doorstep a few days before Christmas with a tree and angel ornaments in hand. (Read more about it here) I bawled while decorating the tree and was grateful for his unwavering support. I could tell he was nervous, but I’m so grateful he decided to act. To this day, we still decorate our angel tree with the same ornaments he bought us and use it as a way to incorporate Preslee during the Holidays.

5. Lighten their load. The holidays can be a stressful time of year for many different reasons, but when grief gets mixed in, it become just plain hard. One way to help relieve the stress of those grieving is by lightening their load. Whether it be dropping off paper products to help with dishes, making/buying dinner, or shoveling their walk way, your act of kindness won’t go unnoticed.
   
   
   

6. Read. If you aren’t familiar with the grieving process, take a few minutes and look into it. One of the best ways to support someone is learning more about their situation. This will help you understand what they need and will hopefully help you be a little more sympathetic to their situation. My aunt sent some information on grief to my parents right before the Holidays and my mom later shared with me how grateful she was for it. Understanding the grieving process will go a long ways and might just give you a little glimpse of why they are reacting or feeling the way that they are.

I know we’re not alone in this, because so many of you have shared similar experiences. Was there something that someone specifically did that helped you during the Holidays that I missed? If so, let us know, below.

Oaklee turns one!

This was the quickest year of my life! But one of the sweetest by far. Words can’t even express how much we love this little girl. Patrick even admitted how happy he was that I talked him into one more :)

This girl woke up and caught on quickly something special was going on. She was the sweetest thing, loving the decor above the table and giving hugs to the adults throughout the entire day. My parents made the trip down to celebrate with us, which made the day even more special. 

I know its blurry, but it just captures what life is like with her perfectly.

Details to Remember:

• Buying pink decorations literally made my life. I won’t ever take that for granted.
• Oaklee kept giving my dad hugs throughout the day and attached to my mom’s hip.
• The boys excitement over every single thing.
• Homemade Cafe Rio Salads for dinner. Ledger out ate everyone by far!
• The boy picked out her Coconut cake and said it tasted, “Fantastic!”
• Oaklee was my only baby to really enjoy her cake. She loved hers and my mom’s as well.
• It was just a very happy and sweet day. Grateful she’s ours.

Oaklee at one:

• In 12-18 mo clothing.
• Size 4 diapers
• She has the smallest feet! Shoes are such a struggle. Still in the first size of mocs.
• 8 teeth, a bottom molar just popped through.
• Sleeps from 6 pm – 7 am.
• Still not walking, my slowest walker by far!
• Says: “Mama, Dada, A-choo, Banana, Night Night, Hi, Boo.” Cannon recently taught her how to growl…
• Loves emptying any shelf or drawer in record time.
• Loves her brothers and Pog.
• Has bonded with her dad a lot more lately, they are the cutest little buddies.
• My number one mama’s girl out of all my kids.

It’s been a struggle to watch my youngest turn one! But looking forward to see who she becomes even more. Happy Birthday Oaklee Grace, we love you!