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Showing posts with label Summer. Show all posts

Yellow Gerber Daisies

Grief blog

Here in UT, we live close to a beautiful cemetery. In front, there is a fountain that regularly catches Ledger’s eye as we drive by. Earlier this month, he repeatedly asked me if we could take a walk there. Day after day of him asking me, I finally said, “Okay buddy, lets go.”

Ledge jumped on his scooter, and I pushed Cannon and Cruiz and we took a walk on a busy road to get there. We stopped and let the boys appreciate the fountain up close, and then Ledger turned and and said,” Mom, let’s go see Preslee now.” I then understood why he wanted to visit. I knelt down to his level and explained that Preslee was buried in Idaho, and there are a lot of different cemeteries. (Death is such a confusing concept for kids) He was immediately heartbroken. I promised him we would visit soon.

The week of Preslee’s Angelversary, I suddenly became extremely homesick. And with Ledger still asking to visit his sister, Pat encouraged me to take the boys and visit. Pat stayed behind for work and I promised to be home on her actual Angelversary. My parents kept us busy, which I appreciate, but the highlight of our trip was definitely visiting the cemetery. If you live close to the cemetery, don’t take it for granted! I miss it.

Grief Blog

We stopped at a local craft store to buy new flowers fro Preslee. Ledger, who is obsessed with the color yellow right now, (Bumblebee, the transformer is yellow) immediately picked out a yellow Gerber Daisy and asked me if he could buy it for his sister. I know his request might seem small, but it was huge for me. He truly loves her. His connection with her blows me away sometimes. I could go on and on about all that he says about her, but I’ll save that for another time :)

  toddler drowning cemetery white headstone

After our visit, (and no pictures of the twins, they were banished to the car after repeatedly stealing the trinkets off surrounding headstones :) we thought we would give a kid friendly hike a try that my Grandma used to take me on when I was a kid. It’s super close to the cemetery, but to our surprise half of the hike was paved now (seriously?) but the boys were in sandals so it turned out okay.

cress creek child's hike
Ledger in the lead, Cruiz, and Cannon in the rear.
twins 
Left – Cruiz, Right- Cannon
cress creek

We didn’t make it to the top after Cannon sat down and refused to walk, when I bent down to pick him up, my camera whacked him in the nose and it instantly started bleeding. So I packed him down to the parking lot, and while I was cleaning him up, you can clearly see he was still pretty upset with me. Haha
Afterward, we enjoyed a picnic outside.

My dad was great sport and started a fire for a hot dog roast. The boys were thrilled!! When it was time to roast hot dogs, we found Cruiz in the corner with a cold hot dog in each hand, eating them as fast as he could! The one thing I miss about Idaho the most is the big back yards.

 hot dog roast

The next day, my parents had previously planned to take my uncle and his family boating, so we tagged along.

 Ririe Reservoire Ririe Reservoire
My uncle Greg was the man. He played with my kids, and even jumped in after Cannon when he fell/jumped into the lake by himself. Ledger kept jumping in, and would panic when he hit the cold water. Greg would crouch down and say, “Own the water, don’t let it own you. Be the Boss. When you are calm, the water is calm.” To my surprise it worked! Ledger still says it when he swims :) Towards the end of the night, Ledger jumped off the boat when nobody was looking, we all panicked for a minute, but he swam over to the dock all by himself. (Don’t worry, all the boys had a life jacket on the entire time)Ririe Reservoire child water skiis
Ledger waterskiing
Ririe Reservoire
The Wightman gang.
child water ski 
Ledger riding “Fancy.”
EZ ski EZ ski EZ ski Ririe Reservoire Ririe Reservoire orange boating flag
Cannon was obsessed with the flag.

tubingboating
Cruiz & Grandma 

We drove home on Thursday and made it home before Pat got off work.
And to my surprise, my sweet neighbor, who I’ve only known for two months, had a gift waiting for me. She handed me the most amazing vase with a poem and a picture of Preslee etched into it. Inside, there were yellow gerber daisies…Too perfect. The poem was written like it was from Preslee, and immediately had me in tears. For only knowing me about two months, I couldn’t believe the effort my neighbor put into it.
Thank you Kayli, we absolutely love it.
 
Thank you Patrick for encouraging us to go home, and thanks mom and dad for letting us visit.

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Cannon and Cruiz Turn 2!

It’s hard to believe that these two little boys are officially two years old!
The first year drug on due to an insane amount of crying, but this past year flew by.

Cannon and Cruiz,

You are wild little things, who keep us on our toes both day and night, but I can’t imagine life without either of you. I love your similarities, but love watching your differences even more. I have so much to say/document but I’ll save it for another post, because I only have about an hour (nap time) to bake a cake :)

Happy Birthday boys, we love you!
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If this is blurry, watch it {here}
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Red, White, & Blue

Oh, how I love the 4th of July!

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Other than living in Philly for one summer, this was the only 4th of July we didn’t celebrate in Rexburg, ID. I’ll admit I got a little homesick when I saw friends post pictures at the Rexburg parade,but other than that, we had an amazing 4th!

We celebrated with just our little family and it was wonderful.
No stressing over being on somebody else's timetable. We didn’t have to worry about missing naps. It was stress free with pretty happy kids.

We had a festive 4th of July breakfast. Then headed to the pool.

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During nap time, Pat and Ledger ran to buy some fireworks. Pat also introduced Ledger to 7-Eleven slurpies. I still can’t get myself to pay for sno cones after selling the shack, so it was as close as Ledger has gotten to one :) He’s still talking about it.

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The fireworks scared all of our kids. Ledger immediately ran inside and the twins burst into tears. Haha I guess Pat did them a little too close. So we stuck with sparklers and poppers.
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We had a fun festive little dinner and then drove around until we found a great little spot to watch the fireworks in Sandy. Pat and I were curious, we’ve both grown up watching the Melaleuca Firework show in Idaho Falls, which is the biggest show west of the Mississippi. Then while in Philly, we watched their show downtown, which is top 5 in the US, so we wondered how other shows would compare. But we were pleasantly surprised! From where we were sitting, we were able to see all the different firework shows in the Salt Lake Valley. It was really neat, and we ended up leaving a little early due to three tired boys who rarely stay up past their 7:30 PM bedtime. :) We missed all traffic, which put the cherry on top to our perfect day.

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Oh, how I love these boys.

And I’m surprised, every 4th, sometime during the day, memories of Preslee sneak into my mind - how it was our last holiday together. How she snuck over to the homemade rootbeer more times than I could count and ended the day on a sugar high. I remember not getting a single picture of her,(I must have forgotten my camera or something) and having the prompting to get my camera out late that night when we got home. But I remember her being so tired, and I didn’t listen…

We live and learn right?

With all the chaos that has been going on lately within our country, I’m still so grateful for the place in which we live. We are all so blessed with the freedoms we have, and for the people who fought for it.

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July!

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Ledger’s 4th Birthday

I can’t believe we finally have a four year old!

Grandma and Grandpa Siddoway made the trip down, so we turned the entire weekend into a celebration.

I can’t believe its already been four years since Dr. L placed Ledger into my arms,
we certainly have we enjoyed every minute of his life.

We love you Ledger!

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Ohana Oasis (Part 1)

Where do I even start? About a month ago, Pat and I spent 8 days in Kauai, Hawaii. It was amazing. Unbelievable. And I still can’t believe that it happened.

Back in March, I received an e-mail from a sweet reader telling me about her best friend Heidi Low, who had unfortunately also lost her daughter, Allison, 11 years ago. In the e-mail, I learned Heidi had a dream to create a retreat for parents who have lost children. She hoped to provide a week of peace and restoration; a space for parents to begin the journey of rediscovering joy in life after the death of a child. So she moved from Boise, ID to Kauai and set out to raise funds to make her dream come true. And that is how the Ohana Oasis Foundation was created.
Photo Credit: Nancy Williams - www.postcardmoments.com

We were told everything would be donated, from plane tickets, lodging, food, etc. We wouldn’t have to spend a dime. My response? This is too good to be true! Though I was a little skeptical, I thought why not give it a shot? I e-mailed Heidi, she informed me she was already full for this retreat, (Bummer!) but we could send in an application for next years retreat. I sent one in immediately, knowing I would forget if I didn’t. Days later, I received an e-mail from Heidi stating that funds had unexpectedly worked out and she could accept one more couple. If we could commit in 24 hours, she would book our plane tickets. I called my mom up nearly screaming with excitement, and crossing my fingers she would watch our three crazy boys for eight days. She agreed, (She’s a saint I tell ya!) and I immediately responded to Heidi’s e-mail. Then I admit I full out panicked. It all happened so fast, I didn’t know what we committed to! (I hadn't looked into all the details yet)

Heidi sent us our confirmation for plane tickets and rental car, a link to the house we would be staying in. We were told there would be two other couples coming on the retreat, (They had known about the retreat for months). We would all have our own bedroom and private bathroom. She explained we would wake up, eat breakfast, have a grief related activity, and then the day would be ours to explore the island, we just needed to be back in time for dinner. Simple enough. Pat was pretty nervous about the whole ordeal, but we both knew it was too good of an experience to pass up.

April 30th – Let’s Fly!
Pat and I flew out of SLC, UT early Thursday morning. We knew there were two other couples that would be at the retreat, but we had no idea who they were. I spent time at the airport wondering if we were all on the same flight and looking around to see if I could tell who they were. Pat kept telling me to stop looking :) (No, my guess was not right, but the other couples did guess us). We had a layover in San Diego, and I was shocked when I heard, “Ashley?” as I walked out of the bathroom. There standing line was my younger cousin, Hailey, on her way to Oahu!



We arrived in Kauai and Heidi’s friend, Nancy, there waiting for us. She was also the photographer for the week, (Thank you for all the photos!) We picked up our luggage and rental cars (Each couple was given a rental car) and drove about 45 min to Anini on the North Shore. And were shocked with all the chickens running around the island.




Photo Credit: Nancy Williams - www.postcardmoments.com


Krisit, Quinn, Matt, Cindy, Ashley, Patrick
(More about the other couples coming in the next post)  


Photo Credit: Nancy Williams - www.postcardmoments.com

Heidi (The Founder) and Michelle (Our Chef for the week) were both there to greet us. We were shown to our rooms and then were all given couple massages. Are you kidding me? My mind was blown in the first hour after arriving in Kauai. 


Michelle and Heidi

That evening after dinner, we all sat down and told our stories, learning about the difficult path that all brought us here. It's crazy how quickly a connection forms when you both understand how hard grief is.

May 1st - Limahuli Garden
Our first activity we were taken to the Limahuli Garden for a tour. Our guide was fantastic! The rest of the day we had to ourselves to explore and met up for dinner at the house. Michelle cooked Amazing food!




 Photo Credit: Nancy Williams - www.postcardmoments.com





Photo Credit: Nancy Williams - www.postcardmoments.com
Heidi, Matt, Cindy, Our Tour Guide, Pat, Me, Quinn, Kristi
Photo Credit: Nancy Williams - www.postcardmoments.com


May 2nd – 9 Million Dollar Estate
After our first day of exploring, we came home to a house without water- due to a broken water pipe. Bummer! The agency the house was rented through moved us to a different house until the pipes could be fixed. We packed an overnight bag and our disappointment quickly faded when we arrived. It was a 9 million dollar estate!  We spent most of the next day lounging in the pool, watching dolphins in the ocean, and soaking up the sun.







Later that day we went with Quinn and Kristi to play miniature golf and took a bike ride to the Stone Dam. I lost the golf game and was the only person that didn’t get a hole in one…Next time! I loved everything about the bike ride and the beautiful garden surrounding the dam. It felt like the Garden of Eden :) I was the only one who wore a swimming suit, so I was the only one who swung on the rope swing just above the dam. This was one of my favorite activates along with Queen’s Bath.




   
May 3rd - Bonfire
We drove just a couple minutes away to Anini beach where we snorkeled and Heidi and her friend Scott, made a bonfire and cooked us fajitas. We spent the night watching the sunset, camped out on the beach talking, laughing, and even crying as we shared personal stories with one another. Later that evening, Scott gave each of the men a single orchid, he explained in Hawaiian culture when someone died, Hawaiians would climb up to the highest point they could reach and plant something in their loved one’s behalf. That night Scott gave each of the men an orchid start, and told us to make a little nest for them with moss and tie them to the tree we were standing below. We learned they will eventually grow into the tree and will continue to bloom for years to come. He explained that these little flowers represent our children and if we come back years from now, we’ll be able to to see the same orchid we planted. It was a special night. It’s hard to explain the feeling that was felt there that night. It was a super neat experience, the feeling there is difficult to describe in words.






Photo Credit: Nancy Williams - www.postcardmoments.com



  
May 4th – Helicopter Ride
Blue Hawaiian was amazingly generous and donated a helicopter tour for Patrick and I. Can you believe it? Before the tour Pat and I drove down to the South end of the island and visited Wimea Canyon or “ The Grand Canyon of the Pacific.” My pictures don’t do it justice. We grabbed lunch at a nice little restaurant, that had the best carrot cake I’d ever tasted. But the highlight of the day was definitely the helicopter ride! We could not get over how beautiful the island is, and it’s amazing that 80% of the island is uninhabited. When we pulled in front of the waterfall that Jurassic Park was filmed in front of, with the movie’s theme song playing on our headset, I literally squealed! Thank you Blue Hawaiian!





Wimea Canyon



Stay tuned for the second part of our trip. I can’t wait to share more about the other couples and their children, and what this retreat meant to Pat and I. It was so much more than just a vacation, both Pat and I learned so much. We are so grateful for everyone who made this possible, the goodness of people truly is astounding. 


Read Part 2 {Here}
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Hi, we're the Sullengers! Life turned upside down for us in 2010 when we lost our daughter in an accidental drowning. Since then, we've documented our highs (life with all five of our kids) and our lows (struggles with grief) but amongst everthing we've experienced, we know as long as we hold on to one another we can get through anything that comes our way. Read More. . .

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