July

Every year, I think it will be different.
I’ve had an entire year to heal.
But even though I’ve come a long ways,
July tends to let a flood of emotions to rush in, and I’m left floundering.
It becomes a struggle to continue living everyday life, when I’d rather shut the world out.

But this year the emotions are different.
Though it hurts, I can’t help but feel blessed.
Blessed to have a healthy family.
Blessed to be a Mom.
Blessed to be happy again.
Blessed to have survived 4 years without my daughter.
Blessed to have Patrick by my side.

I remember when Kendra, another angel mom reached out to me just following Preslee’s death.
She stated it had been nine months since she lost her sweet Mackenzie.
I remember thinking, “Nine months! There is no way I will ever make it. The minutes pass by like hours, and the days seem to never end.”

I honestly couldn’t even imagine making it nine months without my daughter.
And now, here we are, a week away from four years.

I’d like to think Prelsee is proud of us.
The pain still exists,
the grief is still raw at times,
but we’re trying.
Trying to not let grief get the better of us.

Here’s to surviving July.