July 16th

7/16/2014


At the first of the month, I found myself at my in-laws house with my boys. My SIL Cara and I spent the day together, while our husbands went golfing. Later that evening, Pat had a city council meeting, and more family members showed up with their kids. I was attempting to feed the twins, and simultaneously keep an eye on Ledger as he ran around with cousins. As the older boys gravitated outside, it became very obvious I couldn’t keep an eye on Ledger while feeding both Cannon and Cruiz.

I panicked, it was too similar to the night we left Preslee. I told Ledger he had to come in, which led to a meltdown, he didn’t understand why he was the only kid who’s mom wouldn’t let him go outside to play. Shortly after, I knew I couldn’t do it by myself, so I packed up my kids as fast as I could and cried all the way home.

It was a horrible way to start the month, and left me with an abnormal amount of anxiety. 

Today marks four years since Preslee passed away.

Sometimes I’m not sure how we’ve made it this far without her,
but it’s our life, and we’ll continue on the best that we can.

And though most days I try to not let my grief consume me, I think it’s safe to say every once in awhile it’s okay to sit and cry, tune out the rest of the world, and surround ourselves with the little things that remind us of our daughter, and today is one of those days.

We miss you Monkey,
more than you know.

044ed070ed 

12 comments:

  1. Sending you a great BIG hug today via the internet and a fresh box of tissues. You are loved.

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  2. I can't even think of the right thing to say other than I hope her lovely life and the beautiful times you had with her will come into your memory and those are the things you focus on today. This day will always be hard no matter if it is 4 years or 40 years. But her life was not lived in vain as she helped others want to do better and she made a difference. Thinking of you today.

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  3. Thinking of and praying for beautiful today and everyday!

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  4. I'm so sorry! I wish I could take some anxiety and sadness away! I'm so grateful you hung out with me. I had a blast and am grateful to be your family. Love you guys and thinking of you today

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  5. May peace and strength surround your beautiful family today!

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  6. I am so sorry that this is your world, no parent should have to lose their child. I admire how you keep going, how you see the blessings you do have but also let yourself go through the grief when it hits. You seem to have a good balance and allow yourself those times of pain, and you need to, but you also try to focus on the wonderful things around you. I can't even begin to imagine how hard those times are, and you should be proud of yourself each day for how you deal with it all. I know you would give anything to hold your precious girl in your arms again but I know she is with you, and I hope, especially these anniversary days, you feel Preslee blanketing you in her love. She is with you, always, and I hope you can feel that when you need it most.

    I also want you to know how Preslee has touched my, and so many others, hearts. Of course you would give anything to have her back in your arms but I hope knowing how her life, you, and your family's story is teaching others to live a better life, cherish their kids even more and to get their priorities in line helps ease the pain just a little.

    Love, strength and prayers today and always.

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  7. Thinking of you today !! (((HUGS)))

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  8. I can't even imagine! Hang in there through those tough situations yall are tough cookies!!

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  9. I was introduced to your blog a few months ago, and now I must admit that I follow it regularly. I hope that's ok :) Thank you for sharing your raw emotions, and helping me to feel that I'm not alone in my own journey of grief. It's been a little less than 2 years for us since we lost our precious daughter Whitney at the age of 15. I am so sorry about your beautiful Preslee. So much of what you have written is exactly how I feel. I can't imagine how it will feel at our four year mark, hopefully the sting will have begun to fade, but I know it will still be there. How can it not? A mother can never "get over" the loss of her child! Again, thank you for sharing your story. It helps more than you probably realize.

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  10. wycwyc..what you can, when you can. Good call mom. I have been reading your blog for a few years now...since just after you lost preslee, and I wondered how you handled the anxiety. There are some things you can't unknow...I think it was smart on your part...never disregard that inner voice.

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