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Home Ashley grief Ledger Pog Preslee "Og"

"Og"

It's always incredibly bittersweet using anything that belonged to Preslee for the first time. I've noticed, that after Ledger uses her things, that sick feeling in my stomach goes away when I see that particular item usually buried in the basement. It helps that those items are no longer just Preslee's, but they become Ledger's as well. They become both of my kid's things, and I love that.

About a month before the accident, I bought this little frog or "og" as Preslee called it. It's a little kiddie pool, and sprays water in the front. Preslee would sign frog all day long, hoping I'd let her play outside in it. I remember this day in particular was incredibly hot. When she walked outside, she started blowing on everything, just like she did when her food was too hot. 
I couldn't stop laughing.

My parents took this frog, along with the swing and car seat before we got home from the hospital. 
About a month ago, I asked for it back. I was surprised how hard it was to see it again.

While looking at these pictures, I couldn't help but smile and cry all at the same time. My heart aches for her and that crazy messy hair.
That ghetto old necklace that had to be safety pinned together. I want to squeeze those little thighs one more time.






As painful as it was to set up, Ledger loved it, which made it worth it. He loves being sprayed a lot more than Preslee did, and sat in the water for about 30 min. When he was finished, he ran across the lawn with a soggy diaper nearly down to his ankles.






I hope we have a girl in the near future, I think it will be hard, but incredibly healing to be able to use more of Preslee's things. I still haven't given much away, the things I did I regretted almost immediately. I know I can't hold on to everything forever, but for now, most of it sits in 8 colored bins downstairs.
// Labels: Ashley, grief, Ledger, Pog, Preslee
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14 comments:

  1. Seeing Each DayJune 25, 2012 at 9:20 AM

    You're amazing with the 'I can do hard things' that you push yourself through. So pleased, for your little guy and mostly for you, that he loved it.

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  2. Auntie EMJune 25, 2012 at 11:54 AM

    I found it one of the most incredibly difficult thing to have to sort through stuff that belonged to my sweet husband. At first, I couldn't seem to find the desire to pack up his things or deal with his "stuff." But when I finally told myself I had to do it, I smelled every article of clothing....looked at everything he touched.....read things he wrote or or looked at things he drew. For you, because of your little darling girl, it must be so, so hard. I DO hope you have another daughter, Preslee's and Ledger's sister. I can't imagine how hard it is to see someone else, even if it is her brother, using "her" things. But I think you are incredibly brave to allow your son to use those things. He is helping you heal. He is helping you be a mama again. He is doing just exactly what he's supposed to do and that is bring smiles and sweetness into your life. I love his cheesy cute grins and smiles. He must be such a love and it must be wonderful that he's your son and yours forever, just like his sister. Yours forever....Have a wonderful summer.

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  3. JenJune 25, 2012 at 12:18 PM

    Thanks for sharing. I have a hard time giving anything away, period, so I feel for you, with the added memories to work through. Great job though.

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  4. Jackie KollJune 25, 2012 at 12:57 PM

    I was just sorting through my boys clothes today to bless a friend with - I had 6 tubs .now I have three. Yep - I could only part with 1/2 the stuff - the rest I loved too much. I totally think that for you to keep everything is 100% ok. I kinda wish I hadn't offered my stuff to my friend once I went through it . . .

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  5. Janessa @ Treasure Hunting MommyJune 25, 2012 at 12:58 PM

    Awh, Ledger is such a handsome manly version of Presley. What a tender mercy to have those precious pictures of both of them playing in the frog pool. You're strength is so touching. I hope you recognize the blessing that YOU are to those two precious babies and Pat. I hope you are blessed with another girl and oh how awesome it will be that she gets to use her big sisters "stuff"... what every little sister likes to do! :) Hugs.

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  6. JeNnAJune 25, 2012 at 1:04 PM

    Preslee and Ledger look a lot alike! I absolutely love the pictures! I sure miss ya!

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  7. The Williams FamilyJune 25, 2012 at 8:53 PM

    You are so strong!

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  8. MindeeJune 25, 2012 at 10:04 PM

    those pictures make my heart sad, then i think of the amazing plan that hevenly father has, and how he has it all figured out even before we know it! im so grateful for that..sure makes you feel more at peace inside.im glad ledger loves it too, he looks like he's having a ball! i hope you have a girl in the future too, you guys make the mose adorable babies!!

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  9. LinsyJune 25, 2012 at 11:19 PM

    I took one glance at that picture and bawled my eyes out. I miss her do much, I can't imagine your pain. What a blessing to have these pictures to reminisce on. We love you guys!

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  10. The SullengersJune 25, 2012 at 11:42 PM

    I remember you telling me that story about how she would blow on the air to cool it down. Bittersweet memories are hard but happy! I hope you guys have a girl too!

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  11. BeverlyJune 26, 2012 at 5:42 AM

    You're amazingly strong and such a wonderful mother. Preslee and Ledger are two lucky little ones. I hope you have another little girl too. I love keeping up with Ledger through the blog. He's so cute.

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  12. AnonymousJune 26, 2012 at 8:15 AM

    Ashley, you are an incredibly brave and strong (and pretty) mummy. You are doing all the right things for Ledger to grow up not in Preslee's shadow, but in her glow. Lucky (and sweet) little boy.
    V. from Paris, France

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  13. KellyJune 26, 2012 at 1:20 PM

    I can't imagine what you are going through and how tough it must be. I hope you see the joy in Ledger's face and know his sister is looking down on him watching him have a blast!

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  14. Kaeli & KyleJune 27, 2012 at 10:16 AM

    Ashley, you are amazing. I can't imagine doing the things you do. Little Preslee is so cute, and so is Ledger. Im glad he is able to help you feel better about using her things. He will feel a strong connection with her. And so will a little girl when you get one. Preslee will be telling her how lucky she is so get parents like you guys!!

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Hi, we're the Sullengers! Life turned upside down for us in 2010 when we lost our daughter in an accidental drowning. Since then, we've documented our highs (life with all five of our kids) and our lows (struggles with grief) but amongst everthing we've experienced, we know as long as we hold on to one another we can get through anything that comes our way. Read More. . .

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