Today marks seven years since we said goodbye to our sweet little girl. My arms ache to hold her, and what I wouldn’t do to be able to look at her, just for a moment.
Each year the overwhelming emotions return, and as hard as I try, I can’t help but review the last 24 hours we had with her in my mind. This year, my grief seems a little confusing, as it seems to be tangled with Preslee and the loss of my Grandma Siddoway.
We attended my Grandma’s funeral on the 12th, which made Pat and I a little emotional having it on the same week as Preslee’s Angelversary. My Grandma was buried next to Preslee in the Sutton Cemetery, and after placing a rose on her casket, I stepped off to the side, and took a look around. I couldn’t help but notice all the changes that have taken place in the past seven years.
Our family has grown in so many ways, cousins have married, 16 babies have been born, (including four of our own) and what stuck out to me the most was the toddlers who attended Preslee’s funeral, are now eight years old, which stung a quite bit.
I’ve learned patience and empathy. Experienced love and pain, all of which have taught me unforgettable lessons. I think the biggest area of growth stems from realizing I have an anchor in heaven waiting for me, cheering and rooting me on. Losing Preslee has given me an eternal perspective and influences many of the decisions I make on a daily basis. I was reminded of the important things to focus on as I was listening to my dad and uncle talk about my Grandma during her funeral.
(My Grandma Siddoway is in the blue.)
Though it’s Preslee’s Angelversary, my grief is without a doubt a tangled mess with the memories of two people. Each year on this day, I find myself praying, asking for someone to give Preslee a hug for me, because it’s what I long for the most. Today l realized that it’s the first time I know with certainty that my prayer will be answered, because there’s no doubt in my mind, my Grandma will be the one to do it.
What a bittersweet gift to be given.
Here’s to one year closer to seeing them both.
Omg I love this! As I reflect on the death of my sweet friend this week it's been so difficult knowing her husband and 3 small children will be without their mama! It brings me comfort knowing that her sweet babies will have their mama lookin down on them throughout their lives but also the selfish part of me wishes she was still here to hold them tight! She was only 30 and had been sick just 2 weeks when she passed! We are all so heart broken!
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