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Home Ashley Cannon Cruiz grief Inspiration Preslee twins Anchor in Heaven

Anchor in Heaven

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After dropping Ledger off at my parent’s house, I drove off in a hurry, hoping to make it to at least one Doctor’s appointment on time. I pulled in with one minute to spare, and found my self struggling against the all too common Rexburg wind with a baby carrier in each hand. After squeezing through the front door, I collapsed in the first available chair and let a loud sigh of relief - I had made it. I hadn’t been waiting long, when a little old man walked by, and as he placed his hands on the door, he stopped and looked back at me to ask, “Two babies?” I laughed, and replied “Yep, two.” Before I knew it he was sitting next to me, bent over, and peering into the carriers.

Him: “Boys? Girls?”

Me: “Two boys.” 

Him: “Hmmm, two boys…. How old?

Me: “10 weeks.”

The man got a sweet look in his eyes and said, “Years ago, we lost one not much older.”

I turned to look him in the eyes, and expressed my condolences, and said, “I’ve lost one too, 18 months old.”

Him: “You’ve lost one? How?”

Me: “She fell into a canal, and drowned. She was our only child at the time, and since then, we’ve had three boys.”

Him: “How long has it been?”

Me: “Three years.”

He nodded, and we sat there together in the waiting room, both of us letting our guard down, both softening.

Me: “Can I ask how you lost yours?”

Him: “SIDS. Never an explanation.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s so hard.”

Him: “Yes, yes it was.”

I began tending to the twins, when he asked, “Is your little girl buried around here?”

Me: “Yes, in Archer.”

Him: “Good. Good. I now find myself driving out to the cemetery quite often, and let me tell you, after all these years, it’s usually no longer painful, just sweet.”

We stared at each other for a moment, and while I was looking at him, I realized this sweet little old man was a tender mercy.

Me: “Just sweet?”

Him: “Yes, and after awhile you’ll find having an anchor in heaven will become a blessing. But we lost our baby on my Birthday, in October, remembering it each year makes for a hard day.” I saw the pain I know all too well return to his eyes.

I acknowledged how difficult that would be, and proceeded to explain how grateful we were the twins were born the day after Preslee’s Angelversary.

Him: “Yes, yes, I can imagine. In time, you will see that Heavenly Father didn’t have to take her, but there was a reason. You will see the good, and the blessings.”

He was in the middle of a sentence when a lady walked through the door and called, “Cannon and Cruiz.” When he realized those names belonged to the twins, he nervously jumped to his feet, and walked towards the door. As his hands reached the handle, he turned back to say, “Enjoy those two, it looks like the Lord certainly blessed you.” 

I watched him walk out the door, and then looked down at my boys.

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I couldn’t have agreed more.  

3 Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.

4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.

Just like the words I’m holding on to from that sweet man, I’ll continue to grasp on to the scripture stated above. I know at this exact moment, my natural eyes don’t allow me to see or understand all the reasons for Preslee’s death, but I realize I do know a lot more than I did three years ago, which helps ease the pain.

With hard work, I pray my knowledge increases over the decades, and someday I’ll be the one telling a young mom who is at the beginning of her difficult journey, “It’s usually no longer painful, just sweet.” 

And verse 4 is reassuring as it states “After much tribulation come the blessings.” I know that even though the pain is overwhelming, one day, I’ll be rewarded when I’m able to hold my own little anchor in heaven.

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Love you Preslee.

// Labels: Ashley, Cannon, Cruiz, grief, Inspiration, Preslee, twins
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57 comments:

  1. Momof3girlsOctober 3, 2013 at 6:21 AM

    I do believe God sent you an angel.

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  2. Auntie EMOctober 3, 2013 at 8:40 AM

    WOW Ashley....what a tender mercy that sweet man is for you. Someday all of us will see things not through our earthly eyes but through our spritual eyes why things happen the way they do. I know the Lord is mindful of you and will continue to bless your life through earthly AND heavenly angels....Preslee is one of His most precious angels.

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  3. Auntie EMOctober 3, 2013 at 8:47 AM

    I forgot another thought.....I loved his statement "you’ll find having an anchor in heaven will become a blessing." I find that to be so true....those I so dearly love who have left us (my husband for one) is my anchor in heaven. I miss him here but know that he's doing good things there. I miss my parents who both passed away within 7 months of my husband are also my anchors. Having them there helps me to want to do better here. Thanks for sharing your interaction with that lovely man and for being an inspiration to many of us. I'm amazed at your maturity and the strong faith you have at your young age. I was so dumb and naive at your age!! Thanks Ashley for your wise words.

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  4. The WinwardsOctober 3, 2013 at 8:55 AM

    You are amazing and have helped me so much. Thanks for sharing, just what I needed today.

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  5. ShaeOctober 3, 2013 at 9:01 AM

    This brought tears to my eyes. Sweet post!

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  6. carolyne bOctober 3, 2013 at 9:23 AM

    What a beautiful blessing this man was! I am sure at the moment you weren't thinking about Preslee's death. Just trying to get into a doctor appointment. But you know those moments when you are thinking about her, his words will come back to you. He didn't have to take her, but there are blessings.

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  7. UnknownOctober 3, 2013 at 9:49 AM

    Thank you for sharing that sweet story about your conversation between you and that older gentleman. What a great reminder for all of us. I lost a brother almost 7 years ago. I know it was his time-still hard, but it does get sweeter as the time passes on.

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  8. JillianOctober 3, 2013 at 10:01 AM

    Amazing. Everything about this post is amazing. YOU are amazing!

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  9. AnonymousOctober 3, 2013 at 10:19 AM

    This is the sweetest post in the world. Thank you so much for sharing! You seriously made my day.

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  10. JeNnAOctober 3, 2013 at 10:27 AM

    This was a beautiful post. And I shed tears at the wonderful tender Mercy and sweet little man that was able to talk with you for a moment! God id truly aware of us! I appreciate the knowledge and Faith of the elderly! I also appreciate your Faith and strength! You are a wonderful person Ashley! And those sweet boys are lucky to have you! Thanks for sharing the scriptures! Love ya girl!

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  11. AnonymousOctober 3, 2013 at 10:31 AM

    What a sweet moment!

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  12. The Spencer'sOctober 3, 2013 at 11:09 AM

    Wow, this is exactly what I need this month! I lost my precious baby Hudson on June 8th, 2013. He was born alive, and lived only for a short moment at 20weeks. No explanations. I know that this was no accident. Our Father in Heaven needed this sweet, valient boy on the other side. How lucky are we to have these sweet spirits who are reserving our spots in the Heavens. Thank you for sharing this. You are such a great example to me. The grieving process has not been easy, I am so lucky to have found your blog.

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    1. VickyOctober 6, 2013 at 7:31 PM

      I'm so sorry for your loss

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  13. DeborahOctober 3, 2013 at 12:03 PM

    What a beautiful story.

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  14. The ThornleysOctober 3, 2013 at 12:07 PM

    Love this! What an amazing moment, and it proves how the Lord is aware of our ever need and thought. It amazes me every day, how he shows his love for us, in the most unusual ways.

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  15. The SullengersOctober 3, 2013 at 12:12 PM

    This was just a beautiful post

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  16. UnknownOctober 3, 2013 at 12:38 PM

    so beautiful...

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  17. JessieOctober 3, 2013 at 1:00 PM

    You brought tears to my eyes! What a sweet sweet moment.

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  18. ChelsOctober 3, 2013 at 3:09 PM

    Thank you Ashley...for everything. You always seem to say what I need to hear at the moment. I agree with Auntie Em you are wise beyond your years.

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  19. KathaleenyOctober 3, 2013 at 3:10 PM

    You are the most precious person.

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  20. ZoeyOctober 3, 2013 at 3:35 PM

    Ohhh! Such a tender mercy. Thank you for sharing!

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  21. SaraOctober 3, 2013 at 4:17 PM

    That is one of my favorite scriptures! Thank you for sharing this beautiful post! It is wonderful when other people reach out and share their stories, like you have done. You really experienced a very tender mercy!

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  22. SuSuOctober 3, 2013 at 4:26 PM

    Thank you for sharing this tender mercy. It made my heart swell and my eyes spill.

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  23. glendaOctober 3, 2013 at 4:31 PM

    What a beautiful story! Sweet sweet moment indeed.

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  24. glendaOctober 3, 2013 at 4:31 PM

    What a beautiful story!
    Sweet, sweet story indeed.

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  25. AmishkaOctober 3, 2013 at 5:48 PM

    What a great experience. Thank you for sharing.

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  26. KrissyOctober 3, 2013 at 6:27 PM

    I love that thought our own anchor in heaven!

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  27. KrissyOctober 3, 2013 at 6:29 PM

    What a beautiful thought, our own anchor in heaven! Because that is exactly what our sweet baby girls are!

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  28. Ashley ZieglerOctober 3, 2013 at 6:52 PM

    wow. what a wonderful post. i really felt the spirit.

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  29. UnknownOctober 3, 2013 at 7:33 PM

    Love this! Can't wait for the just sweet. Although, the pain has almost become a friend

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  30. GwenOctober 3, 2013 at 7:54 PM

    This is one of the best posts you have ever written. Anchor in Heaven. I LOVE that. I've got one also. Bless that man's heart for sharing. Loved it !

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  31. chercardOctober 3, 2013 at 9:39 PM

    This is so beautiful. Last week we buried my sweet 2 year old nephew who drowned in a backyard hot tub. It is very painful right now and his parents grief is raw. It is so hard to watch. But in spite of the pain, the comfort in the Savior is palapable and the hope is our anchor right now.

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    1. AshleyOctober 4, 2013 at 9:47 AM

      I'm so sorry to hear about your nephew. Sending lots of love to the entire family.

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    2. chercardOctober 4, 2013 at 5:17 PM

      Thank you Ashley, love and prayers are what is carrying us through.

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  32. UnknownOctober 3, 2013 at 10:46 PM

    When Miles passed I remember someone told me that right now we are jealous of mother's who have their children here, but one day those mother's will be jealous that we have someone waiting for us in heaven and that we will get to raise them in the millennium. I have always appreciated that comment. Anchor in Heaven, perfectly said.

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  33. ReenieOctober 4, 2013 at 8:45 AM

    WOW!!! I don't even know what to say...... but that was beautiful.

    xo

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  34. ReenieOctober 4, 2013 at 8:46 AM

    Oh goodness.... I'm so sorry Cheryl.

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    1. chercardOctober 4, 2013 at 5:17 PM

      Thank you Reenie.

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  35. BeverlyOctober 4, 2013 at 9:49 AM

    How incredibly sweet and beautiful! How lucky the two of you met. I love the idea of an anchor in heaven. What a peaceful thought. Made me cry, but I guess they are good tears. I pray your blessings continue!

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  36. AngelaOctober 4, 2013 at 7:57 PM

    I miscarried before my twins were born. I always think about the child in Heaven watching over them and now 2 girls. Thanks for sharing this story.

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  37. AngelaOctober 4, 2013 at 7:58 PM

    I miscarried before my twin boys were born. I always think about that child in Heaven watching over them and now 2 girls. Thanks for sharing this story!

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  38. UnknownOctober 5, 2013 at 8:45 AM

    What a sweet story. What a gorgeous little girl. And handsome little boys ! I admire you, i've got only one little boy who is 1 and sometimes it seems i'm going crazy :) Hugs from France !

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  39. TracyOctober 5, 2013 at 12:51 PM

    In tears!! Already emotional with it being conference weekend but this was such a wonderful post!

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  40. UnknownOctober 6, 2013 at 11:23 AM

    How is it that no matter how many things you write, they can still bring such a spirit into my room and I feel my Savior's love through your words! Love you Ashley! Thank you for being willing to share all of your tender mercies!

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  41. JanaeOctober 6, 2013 at 5:51 PM

    Wow, what a beautiful experience! And such a wise man. I love the thought of an anchor in heaven. So sweet! <3

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  42. EmOctober 6, 2013 at 10:24 PM

    New here and stopping in but want to say hello and while I've yearned for heaven so much more with my daughter there I've never quite thought of her as an anchor in heaven. But those words are true. An anchor in heaven is absolutely right. Thanks!

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  43. Missy FOctober 7, 2013 at 9:38 AM

    tears & goosebumps, what an amazing story...My prayers are with you and the sweet man you met.

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  44. JessOctober 7, 2013 at 1:58 PM

    I have read your blog for a long time, but never posted a comment. I have been so touched by your sweet Preslee's story and your faith and strength. Little did I know that I would have to go through a similar and difficult trial. 5 months ago our almost 10 month old baby boy passed away very unexpectedly after a short sickness. As I have continued to read your blog it has brought me such strength. This particular post was exactly what I needed to hear. I miss my baby every moment of every day, but I'm so grateful for the hope I have in Heavenly Father's plan. I will now think of my sweet boy as our family's anchor in heaven. Thank you for your example!

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  45. UnknownOctober 8, 2013 at 9:54 PM

    I LOVE these tender mercy stories that show how truly mindful our Heavenly Father is of us! Priceless!

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  46. SheilaOctober 8, 2013 at 11:15 PM

    I found your blog when you shortly after the passing of Preslee. I have been away from it for a long time--how thrilled I am to see the addition of your beautiful twins! This is such a beautiful post. It is certainly not a coincidence that you met that sweet man. I have not experienced anywhere near the kind of loss that you have in your life, but your words really give me strength and comfort to know that I can deal with anything that may lie ahead for me. Your family is beautiful and I really commend you for keeping your testimony strong and being willing to share it with others. Thanks so much.
    ~Sheila in Alaska

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  47. A Mother's LoveOctober 9, 2013 at 10:39 AM

    Wow- boy did this post speak to me. Our son's birthday is Monday, the 14th. He would have been 11. He too died of SIDS. On my birthday, as well. I've been struggling with his birthday this year, more than normal and I'm not sure why. I've been praying about it and today read this post. Pretty ironic (totally God!) He would direct me to your blog and you would have this post days before Grayson's birthday. This sweet gentleman's story is so much like our's. God is so good. This helped me be able to face Monday a little easier. Thank you, Jesus and God bless your beautiful family.

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  48. A Mother's LoveOctober 9, 2013 at 10:45 AM

    P.S...Sorry if I left you two comments, I didn't think the first time I tried to leave one worked.
    God bless!

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  49. lindseyOctober 9, 2013 at 5:08 PM

    just playing catch up and you already got me crying!! love you ash!

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  50. LesleyOctober 9, 2013 at 7:43 PM

    What a tender post, and a tender mercy. Recently it was my daughters 22nd "angelversary" (I call it "Ashleigh's Day"). Although the raw pain is gone I have never forgotten, and I am so grateful and blessed for the sweet memories of my "anchor" who is a daily reminder to me and my family of where we want to be and who we want to be with. Thanks for sharing this. Although it has been many years for me (as well as the man you wrote about)... it is always so nice to be able to talk about my daughter.

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  51. AnonymousOctober 10, 2013 at 2:44 PM

    Thank you for sharing. Your story, and the old man's gave me hope. I cried a good cry, which was needed. I lost my third daughter to SIDS last October. As her angelversary approaches, I feel like I cannot help but despair.

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  52. AnonymousOctober 10, 2013 at 2:47 PM

    I keep trying to leave a message. Sorry if this duplicates.

    I cried reading this. I lost my third daughter to SIDS last October. I am trying hard not to despair.

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  53. Adventures Of A Dairy Farmer's Family.October 21, 2013 at 8:32 PM

    Ashley I'm getting all caught up on your blog and this post brought me to tears! Your faith is amazing and you are such a great example!! I love what that man said because it is so true!! You are always on my mind and I love turning to your blog when I am having a difficult time because you increase my faith!! You are an amazing mother and person!!

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Hi, we're the Sullengers! Life turned upside down for us in 2010 when we lost our daughter in an accidental drowning. Since then, we've documented our highs (life with all five of our kids) and our lows (struggles with grief) but amongst everthing we've experienced, we know as long as we hold on to one another we can get through anything that comes our way. Read More. . .

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