Last year I had a difficult time deciding if we should send you to kindergarten. You are young for your age, and can be pretty emotional at times. I knew you would be fine academically, but I was worried because you are so tender-hearted. 
This past winter, you were difficult. I was at a loss knowing how to help you. I checked in with your teacher to make sure you were acting okay in class, where she shared a few instances where you cried silent tears, but reassured me you were one of the friendliest kids in the class, and doing just fine. (Looks like you inherited my love for talking :), I was adamant to help you become less emotional, and a little more tough.
After trying different things, I finally fell to my knees and prayed for guidance, when the direct thought came to mind, “Why are you trying to change his strength? Be patient, guide him in methods to handle his emotions, but don’t take his gift away.”
I sat there on my knees for a long time contemplating what I had just learned. Strength? Gift? Here I was with tunnel vision, failing to see what you’ve been blessed with. And as I sat there, and thought about who you were, it became so obvious. I instantly felt horrible for trying to change that about you.
How many other kids wake up early and want to help take care of their baby sister? Every single morning! You’re love for Oaklee is unreal and people have been commenting on it lately. You will literally drop anything to help her, and have created such a sweet connection between the two of you.
How many other kids come home upset, because a classmate was crying? After learning her mom had moved to a different house, you asked your dad if you could go to the store to buy her something to help her feel happy again.
How many other kids recognize within seconds when their mom and dad are struggling with grief. You came this way, and it’s truly a gift. You’ve always known that words aren’t always the most helpful during those hard moments, and usually respond with a big bear hug, letting us know you love us.
Ledger, I’m sorry I was slow to recognize your gift. To my surprise, as soon as I quit fighting you on it, you began to flourish. I know there will be times it will be difficult to control the many different emotions coursing through your little body, but I have no doubt if we keep at it, you’ll learn how to do it. I realize, that tender heart of yours, will help you accomplish big things in life. This world can always use a lot more love, and that’s exactly what you have to offer.
Love you buddy, thanks for being patient with me as I try my best to help you and your siblings navigate through this crazy world. You guys teach me far more than I will ever teach you, and for that, I am grateful.
Love,
Mom
Such a heartfelt, deep and emotional post, Ashley! I admire you so much. You are a mentor to many young mothers and, as a grandmother myself, I, too, learn from you each tine you share! God bless you.
ReplyDeleteWow! You are an amazing mother. What an amazing thing to be able to recognize Ledger's gift. You are an inspiration to me. I have been reading your blog for several years, and I just love you and your testimony. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this perspective. I also have an emotional five year old in kindergarten wondering if that was the best thing. But maybe I need to look at her gifts and see if I'm getting in the way. Thank you so much for your sweet posts. I have loved watching your family grow. Thanks for sharing. Sherri in Orem.
ReplyDeleteLove this post.
ReplyDeleteI loved this, Thank you! ♥
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet...kind...caring...adorable...amazing little guy you have.
ReplyDeleteThe World needs more Ledger's.
xo
As someone who has struggled with being overly sensitive in a not so sensitive world, I applaud you for recognizing, and in turn, helping your son recognize what a precious gift it is.
ReplyDeleteI have been told all my life that I am too sensitive. The irony is, your son will hurt for people who would never think of offering him a hand up when needed, and while it's heartbreaking,I wouldn't change it for the world.
I can't help but imagine Jesus too was tender hearted.
Oh I love this so much! Ledger is just so sweet. He's growing up so fast too!
ReplyDeleteI had a therapist tell me something very similar one time. That it isn't a bad thing to feel as deeply as I do. That it isn't a weakness to love SO MUCH and SO HARD. It may be different from others but I shouldn't be ashamed for it.
I can't imagine being in your position as a mom. I know my mom really struggled (and still does) and has spent many many many nights on her knees but she still loves me. She still talks to me. She does her best with what she has and to me, that's enough. :)
The Lord always knows what we need. I'm sure Ledger was sent to comfort you and Pat in ways only he could after losing sweet Preslee. I never cease to be amazed at how the Savior sends us what we need when we don't even know we need it. You are amazing in every way.
ReplyDeleteI love reading this. I myself am an extra emotional person, a sensitive soul. I was blessed to have a mom who understood this and raised me with the compassion and guidance I needed. Having this "gift" has led me to do many wonderful things in my life that always seem to have the purpose of helping those that need a little extra love. I recommend that you read "The Challenging Child – Understanding, Raising and Enjoying the Five “Difficult” Types of Children" and look at the chapter on The Sensitive Child.
ReplyDeleteHe sounds like a sweet boy. And those freckles!! Gah!
ReplyDeleteThis was pretty touching and amazing to come across. My older son who will be 5 in July is the same way. Very emotional and I struggle knowing how to help him. I have contemplated sending him to Kindergarten this Fall for the same reasons! I just want him to be successful so badly. Thank you for sharing about Ledger, I hadn't even thought about looking at it that way!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!
ReplyDelete