We Can Do Hard Things: Addiction - Lenaya Andersen

Sisters: Larissa Cherpeski and Lenaya Andersen.

Lenaya began experimenting with drugs when she was very young (nine years old) which began a sixteen year struggle battling drug addiction and bulimia. Though she was raised LDS, she quickly abandoned her faith and instead fought the debilitating lifestyle she brought upon herself and her loved ones. Through the love of her family, her relationship with God, and her faith in the Atonement, she has been sober now for almost nine years. (Incredible!) She wrote The Pathways Home along with her sister, Larissa, to offer insights from dual perspectives about the hardships, the heartache, and the eventual return to her family and Savior. Through her trials, she offers hope for others waging war in the difficult world of addiction.

(Lenaya just after relapsing)

Q: What was the most helpful thing people said to you during your sixteen year struggle with addiction?

A: "Gosh, I feel like there are so many things people have said that have helped, but overwhelmingly my dad never missed an opportunity to tell me how proud of me he was.  He once said, “Lenaya, you are so capable.” I don’t know why, but that adjective has always stuck with me. Through years of addiction I remember that specific word coming back to me repeatedly."  

"Another helpful statement came from my mom when she simply stated, “This must be so hard for you.” Again, there is no real reason why this was important, but I can remember thinking for the first time that the demons I was fighting were valid and real. I was grateful that she could acknowledge that.  And ironically when all my family members finally quit trying to force me; to control me; and simply stated that they loved me and would not play private investigator anymore. For me, that was pivotal because once I felt my agency fully and completely, I was incredibly frightened that nobody was going to save me from myself. It gave me great momentum to take the necessary steps towards rehabilitation."

"I remember literally hating my appearance in the photo above.
I saw myself as being hugely fat and vowed to get skinnier."

Q:  Were there any specific acts of kindness that made an impact in your life?

A: "One of my young women leaders wrote me a letter every single day when I was in my first rehab.  Mostly they were little quotes or scriptures or little messages.  They always came on blue stationary with blue envelopes.  Even now it makes me tear up to think of the dedication that took. I wish every person struggling with addiction had someone like her committed to reaching out in such extraordinary ways." 

"Many people in my church congregation reached out to me in letters and phone calls. Friends would check in on me from time to time saying, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” They typically didn’t stay long, but there were months, even years, when they were my only contact with the real world."  

 "My sister always offered me a place to stay, never gave up on trying to talk to me, even when most people would have long since abandoned me.  My family showed me unconditional love which made ALL the difference. They showed me that I could trust them to love me whether I was an addict or not." 

"Probably the most helpful acts were the countless prayers on my behalf.  Surely when my loved ones could not reach me, my Heavenly Father alone could.  Also, their continuous prayers helped me, though subconsciously, to understand that people still had hope even at times I thought all hope was lost."

Q: Do you have any advice for people who find themselves in a similar situation as you or your family found did?

A: "When people ask me for advice about how to deal with wayward children, drug addicted siblings, or promiscuous teens, I’ll be honest, I‘m often at a loss.  It’s hard to know how to help because we are all so unique. I do find that insecurities, low self-esteem, and being predisposed to infatuation with popularity all lead to self-destructive tendencies.  Building children up by allowing them to see accomplishments is useful.  Helping children recognize their value beyond their appearance is important, though not fool-proof.  More than anything else, I encourage people to LOVE their friends and family who might be struggling with any type of addiction.  Let them know that they are loved.  And NEVER give up hope.  If I have learned anything through my trials so far, it is that the Atonement is big enough for ALL of us. You are never too far down. You are never past the point of saving.  I understand how frustrating it can be to watch loved ones relapse, but I’ve also come to know that relapse is virtually inevitable, and for me, those years of sobriety were crucial to my eventual success at maintaining sobriety.  The phrase “love the sinner, not the sin” is always relevant to addicts.  Often people confuse the person  with their addiction.  It makes sense because; even as the addict I had a hard time separating my identity as a drug addict with my identity as a child of God.  It was difficult to determine where one began and the other ended. Surely that is challenging for loved ones to decipher as well.  Listen to the promptings of the spirit. Try to be non-judgmental.  If addicts can trust you, then when they are ready to really make a change, they will have someone to turn to."

Website: ThePathwaysHome.blogspot.com

Image design by: Miss Audrey Sue

The Pathways Home: Having literally no experience with drugs, I found this book to be incredibly intriguing as Lenaya gives an honest look into her life while she struggled with drug addiction and bulimia. I thoroughly enjoyed the set up of the book as the two sisters alternate writing the chapters to give the reader a view into not only Lenaya’s life, but also her family and how they tried to help her the best way they could. If you are looking for any insight into the world of a drug addict or bulimic, I highly recommend this book. I simply can’t say enough good about it. 

You can find their book here: 

The Pathways Home: A Memoir of Sisters on Both Sides of Addiction