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Home grief Inspiration Habits

Habits

They say it takes 6 weeks to break a habit.

As a mom, I created many habits. I tried really hard to have Preslee on a consistent schedule. Wake up between 7-8 AM, say hi to Pog, eat breakfast, I would shower while she watched her beloved Sesame Street, and then I would put her in the tub. These became our habits, we did it everyday. We had so many other habits, lunch time, play time, nap and bed time. The list could go on and on.

Now that it's been 12 weeks, I've been able to break a few habits. I no longer walk to the other side of the car to get Preslee out of her car seat. I no longer plan my day around nap time. I no longer sneak into her room at night to make sure she's warm enough and give her a kiss. This doesn't mean all the habits we created together have been broken, but a few have.

As I've thought about habits, it's made me think of what habits am I creating today?

I've thought a lot about why an 18 month old little girl would be called home and a 22 year old [me] is still here. I feel very strongly she had a specific mission in which she completed very quickly. Many people have told me her work here on earth was finished. As I kept hearing this phrase over and over again, I knew there was something I was supposed to learn from it. It took twelve weeks for it to "click" in my head. The key word is work. If Preslee's work was finished, than what's my work? What am I supposed to accomplish while I'm here on earth?

As I climb into bed each night I've started reviewing my actions during the day. What was my work for the day? What was I supposed to accomplish?

All these different ideas have been swimming around in my head for quite some time. Then as I listened to conference last Sunday it seemed that many of the speakers answered my question. They taught how to seek the Holy Ghost.They explained I need to read my scriptures, pray, do the basic things I've been taught from a young age. The things that should already be habits in my life. These simple actions invite the spirit. And once he arrives, I'll be told what my work is for that day. I'll be prompted to do His work, which becomes my work as I become an instrument for Him. Just like many of you have been in our life.

It seems like I keep getting these "Aha" moments. I'm beginning to understand what my role is here on earth. Where I'm supposed to direct my life. Once again it all points to service.

Someone who I've admired my entire life gave me this quote, she told me it hangs on her bathroom mirror.

The Savior said, "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it, but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it" (Luke 9:24)

Commenting on this scripture, President Hinckley said, "It seems to me that [the Savior] is saying to each of us that unless we lose ourselves in the service of others our lives are largely lived to no real purpose...He who lives and dies, while he who forgets himself in the service of others grows and blossoms in this life and in eternity" (BYU Speeches of the Year, 1977, p. 43).

So tonight, I hung the same quote up on our mirror. I think if my little girl understood her purpose here, then certainly I can understand mine. I'm striving to make new habits-ones that will lead me in the right direction-ultimately to them.

Drawing by Julie Lochridge
// Labels: grief, Inspiration
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52 comments:

  1. Melissa FrenchOctober 9, 2010 at 2:42 PM

    This must be the picture you mentioned to me. It's so amazing! Just think where you'll be in the next 6 weeks. One day at a time :)

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  2. CherriOctober 9, 2010 at 2:43 PM

    Way to point the way again. We all learn a lot from our experiences, but you seem to have a gift to express them so that others learn too. Thanks.

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  3. TarynOctober 9, 2010 at 2:46 PM

    I am the crazy girl you met last night at winger's(: I told my husband it felt like I just ran into a celebrity when I saw you. We just really look up to you and your family(: Anyways, thanks so much for all your beautiful words. I've been through a lot and you bring me lots of comfort. Your family will always been our prayers. Thanks again for sharing.

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  4. ShaynaOctober 9, 2010 at 2:54 PM

    That picture is beautiful! Wow! Great post Ashley :) I, too, am working on making a habit of the small things. Prayer is easy for me, but scripture reading...not so much :) I'm getting there.

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  5. MJOctober 9, 2010 at 2:57 PM

    Ashley, you never cease to amaze me. Thank you for your inspiring thoughts. I have been on the same wave of thinking since conference and you put it so beautifully. I LOVE that picture! It made me cry and cry. You are such a blessing! I still pray for you guys daily and think of you all the time. I know you are doing a pretty great work just by what you are doing each day. :)

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  6. AnonymousOctober 9, 2010 at 3:20 PM

    Wow what an amazing picture. Touched my heart for sure! How comforting that must be for you to get a glimpse at the happiness your daughter must be experiencing in the arms of our Savior.

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  7. Jeff & Ashlee Olsen & FamilyOctober 9, 2010 at 3:27 PM

    Thanks for sharing this. Sometimes we forget to go back to the basics and really focus on what we've been told for years. I just got called as the Primary President in my ward and I love being in there, being able to hear all of those basic things we're taught over and over again makes me remember that's what it's all about. Thanks for sharing this.

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  8. lindseyOctober 9, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Ashley.
    I think you're such an amazing mother. I look forward to reading your posts, and gaining strength from the way you see life. You inspire me.
    As I read over your post today-- I just kept thinking...

    "How you are allowing the Savior to work through you".

    We can hear his voice-because of your words.
    We can feel his love-because of your sweetness {and goodness}.
    We can see his light-because of the light that radiates from you.
    We can learn of him-because you are so optimism and strong...and have an eternal perspective {and strong testimony}.

    I think in a sense you are completing Preslee's work--as well as doing your own...because of your willingness to express what you learn. ...And what you know. ...And how you feel.
    I'm sure there are so many people who can relate to you--who have lost someone they love--and who may need direction. {or who may not have lost a child--but still need direction and inspiration}.

    Thanks again for sharing your story and life with me. You have a gift for expressing how you feel. You say everything so beautifully.
    Hang in there.

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  9. RosalieOctober 9, 2010 at 5:20 PM

    What a GREAT way to look at life! What a GREAT AHA moment too! Thank you for sharing, you are so right! Service is the only way to truly love our Savior! Doing His work is amazing and fun and hard, but so worth it!

    What a beautiful picture too! The smile on both of their faces is beautiful! HE has ahold of your beautiful angel and HE is watching over her for you! What a GREAT feeling!

    Have a GREAT rest of your weekend and a wonderful week! Good luck with your students!

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  10. Heather and SpencerOctober 9, 2010 at 5:27 PM

    This picture is beautiful!!! Your little family continues to be an amazing example for so many...including me!

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  11. TiffanyOctober 9, 2010 at 6:26 PM

    You are amazing and have grown so much. I look forward to reading your posts because they are so inspiring.

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  12. Grandma HoneyOctober 9, 2010 at 7:37 PM

    You are learning, dear Ashley, at age 22, what the rest of us are taking a lifetime to learn.

    Your precious Preslee will always be with you.

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  13. Miss CrysOctober 9, 2010 at 8:10 PM

    Ashley, I admire you so very much! You are such a beautiful person to me. I want to meet you and hug you so tight. I want to let go of a little bit of my "work" and finish the work I have for you. Oh dear, my life has been so hectic and hard....I will get around to it...and Preslee will always be central in your life, so the gift will always be of import. I love you!

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  14. URFAVE 5+A FewOctober 9, 2010 at 8:39 PM

    Wow this post just really touched me! Thank you for reminding me of what it is that I am really supposed to be doing. I appreciate your wisdom and insight. Please take care and know that even though you've never met me you and your sweet family are in our prayers!

    Love,
    JoLynn Ellsworth


    P.S. That picture is beautiful and it looks just like your little girl and what I'm sure the Savior looks like. Beautiful!

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  15. CandaceOctober 9, 2010 at 8:51 PM

    Ashley, you are amazing. I love reading your blog, it is so uplifting. Your sweet Preslee has brought joy to so many people's lives, including mine. Thank you so much for sharing your journey and wonderful insight with all of us. You and your family are in my prayers daily.

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  16. sistersueOctober 9, 2010 at 9:16 PM

    Thank you so much for your thoughts. I totally agree and will look for my "work" each day also. And I LOVE the picture! Who's the artist?

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  17. GramieKOctober 9, 2010 at 9:16 PM

    Dear Ashley, You are such a precious inspiration. I am a 61 year old grandma, yet I am learning so much from you. I am humbled by your faith and the fact that you are so open to the spirit teaching you. Thank you for writing your learning and growing experiences - you are helping more people than you can imagine! P.S. I am so, so glad that you and Pat were able to take such a great vacation!

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  18. Sarah BOctober 9, 2010 at 9:20 PM

    I love the thought of having the spirit in my life enough that I can be told what He would have me do or who to serve. That is for sure the happiest and most fulfilling way to live. Your blog always centers me and reminds me to focus on whats really important. I think the posts you're sharing are more than just a story on a blog. It is truly a tapestry of testimony. It's so beautiful. Thanks!

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  19. Lindsay ChipmanOctober 9, 2010 at 9:40 PM

    I know you don't know me but My 3 month old passed away 3 weeks ago and the first thing a friend sent to me was your blog address. It is amazing to read in your words a lot of my thoughts or even answers to some of my questions. I hope that I can remember to keep the gospel in my life as i go through this time. Thank you for being such an example.

    Lindsay Chipman

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  20. TiffanyOctober 9, 2010 at 10:05 PM

    What an incredible picture! Your words go straight to my heart every time Ashley. I can't express how you've changed my life. I hope I can find my purpose and build the right habits as well.

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  21. Hi I'm Lindsey!October 9, 2010 at 10:18 PM

    Thank you for your post! I have been working on those habits in my life lately. It's crazy how things so simple can be so difficult to make into habits...but SO important! Your post gave me a new perspective on making it a habit.

    That picture makes my eyes weepy. What a great picture! I love her big smile as she's in the arms of the Savior. What a doll.

    You are continually in our prayers.

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  22. Our FamilyOctober 9, 2010 at 11:08 PM

    Ashley,
    You have done it again...uplifted and inspired so many. I think you have been doing HIS work the last 12 weeks without maybe knowing it. Your words are inspiring and help me everytime I read them! Who did that picture?...that is beautiful! You are a beautiful writer! Thanks for sharing your thoughts again!

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  23. AlisonOctober 9, 2010 at 11:22 PM

    I think you are right about fulfilling the daily habits that we have been taught since children. But I also think your blog (at least for now) is part of your "work." I mentioned in a previous comment that I lost my Bridger because he was stillborn and I look to your blog often as a source of inspiration. You are a very good writer and have a way of looking at things that I probably wouldn't on my own. I just wanted to tell you that and say thanks for all you do (and write!)

    :)

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  24. TifaniOctober 10, 2010 at 12:16 AM

    It has always amazed me the love that our Heavenly Father has for us, to put us on this earth knowing we will experience heartache and grief but all the while giving us angels and sisters to help give us the strenghth we need to help get eachother through the tough times! I am thankful for my father in Heaven and for u Ashley and all that u teach me!!!!! U r amazing

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  25. Brynn P.October 10, 2010 at 8:37 AM

    I love that you are willing to share everything with us. I have been so uplifted through all of your posts. You're an example to so many of us.
    -Brynn

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  26. HarperOctober 10, 2010 at 11:37 AM

    Thank you for your post, Ashley. And thank you for posting that picture. It is beautiful.

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  27. JeNnAOctober 10, 2010 at 1:30 PM

    Julie is amazing isn't she?
    I too have often wondered, and still very much do, what my purpose is. Am I doing enough. I love your words. They help me everytime that i read your blog. I leave your blog each time I read it, with that much more understanding and more to think about! Thanks ash! I sure miss ya! I think about you everyday. I truly am glad that you are finding more answers to those things that you wonder about!
    Love,
    Jenna

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  28. MaryOctober 10, 2010 at 3:40 PM

    Hi Ashley, I'm sure you've gotten used to hearing from lots of people that you've never heard of before but I wanted to write you really quick. I've followed your story right from the beginning, in fact, the night that Preslee was taken to Salt Lake, my sister Sara was there at the hospital. Anyways, since then I've read as you've mourned your beautiful daughter and I've read your "Aha" moments. You and your husband are wise beyond your years. You're experiences have strengthened my testimony and I'm grateful to you for sharing them. I pray for your family often, I hope that you're able to find the "work" you're seeking!

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  29. MarisaOctober 10, 2010 at 5:50 PM

    Well, i have officially made it a habbit to read your blog. For being 22 years old you sure have great wisdom. I have 4 children am 35 and feel that I am learning so much from you. I continue to reflect on my life and my work and what I can do to help others based on your inspiration. Thanks for posting such insightful and spirit filled posts. I look forward to them all the time. I could never understand what it must be like for you. But, thank you for letting us all see a little part of heaven.

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  30. onlymehereOctober 10, 2010 at 7:01 PM

    May God bless you as you struggle through this trial. I just read a quote in Elder Robert D. Hales new book "Return" that came to mind as I saw your post. It's on page 30 and is as follows: "Sometimes unrealized dreams or prayers not answered in the way we hoped are blessings in disguise that fulfill eternal purposes in our lives." Please don't take this as meaning that I think losing Preslee was a blessing by any means, but maybe in some way it fulfills an eternal purpose in both of your lives and in the life of your husband. I hope one day to understand such things myself.
    Cindy

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  31. HubersOctober 10, 2010 at 8:29 PM

    I love reading your messages, they inspire me to hold my babies a little more closer, and be a better example and leader to them. As I read your post tonight- I started to think of ways to better my habits, and change my lifestyle to allow a greater Spirit in to my life. Not that I don't have the Holy Ghost, but I know that I can allow Him in more frequently. Thank you for your inspiring words. What a wonderful gal you are..

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  32. Lisa SOctober 10, 2010 at 9:29 PM

    You couldn't start your work till Preslee had finished her's. Your pre-existence relationship with her must have been very special. Thank you for sharing your feelings and your journey.

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  33. AnonymousOctober 10, 2010 at 9:32 PM

    I've read many of your posts but haven't commented. I weep reading about your sweet daughter. Just wanted you to know my prayers are with you.

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  34. Garrett & JaynaOctober 10, 2010 at 9:42 PM

    Ashley - I was introduced to your blog a couple of weeks ago and can't stop thinking about your story. Looking back on your older posts, you can really see how far you've come. Thank you for sharing your good times and the bad. It really helps to put things into perspective, what we truly are here for, and that we are families forever. My husband and I have a 15 month old daughter who we also call monkey, that hit me hard. Could I be as strong as you? You are such a great example. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your experience!

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  35. Hi I'm Lindsey!October 10, 2010 at 11:04 PM

    I was watching a video on youtube. It's one of my favorites, that I watch often. This time though, the end made me think of you and Pat. It's on youtube and it's called "Advice from Elder Busche". I think you'll enjoy it.

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  36. LoraOctober 11, 2010 at 9:07 AM

    That picture made me cry.

    Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings with all of us out here in cyber space. I don't think you will ever really understand what an impact you are making with each post.

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  37. AngelaOctober 11, 2010 at 10:31 AM

    I agree with many others that have left comments - you are doing His work in part by sharing your story and the inspiration that you are receiving with the world through Preslee's story. You truly are an amazing mother, and are inspiring so many - I know you are inspiring me to be better! In so many ways! Keep up the great work.

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  38. LisaOctober 11, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    Ashley,
    The impact you and little Preslee have on the world around you is incredible. The words you put on your blog, and the story of Preslee's sweet life, make the Gospel seem so simple and pure. Preslee's story has caused me to make simple changes in my own life. I think of you, and I know that because of what has happened you have changed your life so that you can be sure to be reunited with Preslee in the next life. And it has made me think, I have no excuse not to do the same thing even though I am not in the same situation. Thank you for your words Ashley. They are so inspired. We all know you are doing the work you are supposed to be.

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  39. CatherineOctober 11, 2010 at 1:11 PM

    Ashley, I just read about the loss of your sweet little girl. We haven't really talked since graduation almost five years ago, but I want you to know that I am truly sorry. I really admire your faith and strength in this trying time. We were never close friends, but for what it's worth, I'm here for you. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  40. AnonymousOctober 11, 2010 at 9:20 PM

    Ashley, I ran across this quote and was automatically reminded of your faith as a mother over the last few months.

    “During my professional career as a doctor of medicine, I was occasionally asked why I chose to do that difficult work. I responded with my opinion that the highest and noblest work in this life is that of a mother. Since that option was not available to me, I thought that caring for the sick might come close. I tried to care for my patients as compassionately and competently as Mother cared for me.

    Many years ago the First Presidency issued a statement that has had a profound and lasting influence upon me. “Motherhood,” they wrote, “is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.
    -Russell M. Nelson

    Thank you for showing all of us how beautiful motherhood really is. :)

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  41. My 4 GoochesOctober 11, 2010 at 9:26 PM

    Beautiful picture! It gave me goosebumps. What a treasure! That's got to bring you so much comfort every time you look at it. Wow!

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  42. MelissaOctober 11, 2010 at 11:54 PM

    I have been reading your blog for a while and as I sat in church this weekend, the message was about what our purpose is in life. As soon as I read this scripture I thought of you:

    Eph 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

    I believe God wants us to love one another and do good works so that others can see His light through us. Sometimes we spend time searching for our purpose, when it's as simple as loving one another.

    Your daughter has already touched so many in her short life. You are an amazing person and just being able to share openly about your experience has helped others:)

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  43. UnknownOctober 12, 2010 at 7:37 AM

    Over the weekend I received the LDSlife standard journal insert, directing me to your site. My parents live in Rigby & we had heard what had happened. I'm so sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine losing a child, much as you thought you would never have to endure. What amazing parents you are to raise such an inspiration to many. You will be blessed!

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  44. AnonymousOctober 12, 2010 at 12:26 PM

    You don't know me... I saw your blog through the friend of a friend. I've never posted a comment before on anyone's blog, but I feel prompted to post one on yours.

    You awe and amaze me. How impressed I am with you, as a woman, as a mother and as a daughter of our Heavenly Father. Oh how my heart aches for your loss, and yet we've watched you pick yourself up, lean on the Lord, and try to move forward. It's been humbling and inspiring to watch.

    I too have often wondered what my mission is here on Earth. I know it goes hand in hand with the talents and spirtual gifts we've been given. I don't know what your mission is, that's between you and the Lord. Maybe it was to shepherd your sweet little spirit through the process of getting a body. Maybe it was to test you and your committment to the Lord. Maybe it was to show the rest of us, how to survive the worst horror we can imagine, with grace and dignity and love.

    Whatever it is, you have touched my life. You have reminded me about the kind of person I want to be, you have reminded me how much I need to put my complete trust in the Lord, and you have reminded me to cherish every moment I have on this Earth with the ones that I love.

    So thank you. You may not know what your "work to do" is, but I have a funny feeling you are already doing it, and you just don't know it. I for one am grateful for it.

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  45. the VirginsOctober 12, 2010 at 1:37 PM

    Ash that picture is so sweet and just perfect! I bet that is so comforting to be able to look at everyday. You are so amazing and impress me everytime I read your blog...Thank you!

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  46. ShaleceOctober 12, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    I feel constantly prompted to check your blog. You are an amazing girl with an amazing ability to express yourself. I feel like I am becoming a better person and growing with you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, and your determination to be a better person. It strengthens and encourages all who read your blog. One day your blog could be printed as an inspirational book :) Lots of love,
    Shalece Beyler

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  47. MegOctober 12, 2010 at 4:21 PM

    I love this post. I've been following your blog for a while and really admire you for being strong and finding great meaning in your sweet girls life and your own life. I can relate to this in a way... I spent last year battling cancer. Now that I am back to living my life again I've thought about this a lot... what am I suppose to be doing with this life I have? I've been given a second chance, and I want to make it count! It's all about service, it's all about serving our Heavenly Father's children. I think I'm going to hang that quote too. Thank you for that.

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  48. Ashley ZieglerOctober 13, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    Amazing post Ashley! Thank you so much! I needed to hear that! :) I loved the picture at the end! I had a really close friend pass away about a year ago and they drew a picture of my dear friend and our Beloved Savior like the one drawn for you. I completely felt the Spirit from reading your post. The Lord truly loves us and is watching over us.

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  49. Jamie Sefcik || Hello Little ScoutOctober 13, 2010 at 5:15 PM

    Such a wonderful point! Its hard to not get caught up in the world when we really need to be focusing on what we are needing to accomplish here on earth. I can't even imagine how hard these past months have been for you and your family... you are such an inspiration to so many people. You are in our prayers!!!

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  50. j,d and little bOctober 14, 2010 at 1:48 AM

    I have been following your blog too, and when I saw the picture I immediately burst into tears. It is so beautiful, and your littl girl looks so happy. You posts are truly inspiring, thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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  51. 9 Crazy Carters in the CoopOctober 15, 2010 at 10:42 PM

    Ashley
    Your words are so tender and change my heart every time I read them. I cry and morn for you and Pat all the time but then I smile because I know you have it figured out. Your knowledge of the gospel plan is inspiring. I believe with all my heart you are already doing His work. You are changing the hearts of His people. Thank you so much for sharing and for consistently teaching me and my family to be better to try harder. We love you both so much and look forward to the day when we will get to see your little family complete again in Heaven! Thanks for giving us the hope, we all have hard things to do and you are the perfect example to follow.
    Love Always and Forever
    The Carter's

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  52. Deidra SmithOctober 19, 2010 at 9:26 PM

    I just read a quote from a talk given by Elder Oaks the other day and I thought it fit in perfectly with your thinking about what work you needed to do. It said "Conversion is not a matter of choosing what we like and ignoring the rest, but of whole-minded acceptance . . .When we have performed this act of faith, . . .all the difficulties are resolved by it. When we have laid down at Christ's feet all our scholarship, all our learning, all the tools of our trades, we discover that we may pick them all up again, clean them, adjust them, and use them for the Church in the name of Christ and in the light of his countenance. We do not need to discard them. All we need to to do is use them from the faith wich now possesses us. And we find that we can.
    It sounds like you are trying hard to learn how to use the tools and learning you have obtained to do His work. I admire you for your insights.

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Hi, we're the Sullengers! Life turned upside down for us in 2010 when we lost our daughter in an accidental drowning. Since then, we've documented our highs (life with all five of our kids) and our lows (struggles with grief) but amongst everthing we've experienced, we know as long as we hold on to one another we can get through anything that comes our way. Read More. . .

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