Tonight Pat and I attended a viewing at the same funeral home we used for Preslee's viewing. A great man in our ward passed away this week. What a wonderful family he has. I look up to his sweet wife so much. She's one of the strongest people I know.
Our tender mercy for the night was our friend Mike Walker, who stood behind us in line. He lost his daughter five years ago. When he saw us struggling he was there to encourage us. His very sweet mother was there making us laugh :)
I've been thinking a lot lately. About life and it's trials. About blessings. About people I love. And how life can change so quickly.
This quote by Robert D. Hales was left in a comment on my last post.
"Gratitude on a daily basis means we express appreciation for what we have now without qualification for what we had in the past or desire in the future."
I've been thinking a lot about this quote. I definitely haven't mastered it. It will probably take me time to learn to do so.
Have you ever visited Stephanie Nielson's blog? (Also known as Nie Nie) If you haven't, I suggest you do. She's an incredible person. The LDS church made a Mormon video on her. I had the chance to watch it before the accident. Then the other day I watched it again, this time something else jumped out at me.
There is a part where Stephanie is looking at her closet, and says, "I missed me again, I mourned for that women again. I felt that familiar sadness. Then it was followed by a beautiful spiritual confirmation that this is my new life. It is good, it is oh so good."
As I pass Preslee's room every day or attempt to make dinner and realize she's not hugging my legs or sitting in her high chair helping me test to see if what I made is edible, that familiar sadness comes into my life as well. But as Stephanie taught me, "this is my new life." And though at times it doesn't feel, "oh so good" It truly is. So tonight as I pray and write in my journal I'm going to work on what Robert D. Hales taught.
"Gratitude on a daily basis means we express appreciation for what we have now without qualification for what we had in the past or desire in the future."
What am I grateful for today?
Having my visiting teacher give me an uplifting CD at church today.
Being a primary teacher to four adorable 9 year old girls who grasped the basics of the resurrection.
Having my friend and her husband stop by to drop off a box of chicken that they canned for us and a book they made. It contains all of my blog posts and pictures from the last three years.
Opening my e-mail to find my sister-in-law has been working hard on a project for us. And still receiving comments and messages on facebook from new people everyday.
My husband, always encouraging me. Always looking out for me. He finds a new way to serve me everyday.
As I walk out the door everyday I make sure to look at my shelf on the wall.
If you look a little closer you'll see this.
My cousin's aunt gave this to me a little while ago. I make sure it's the last thing I look at before I leave. I definitely have a lot to be grateful for. Don't you think so?
Your strength is so amazing. You are so inspirational to me. I was thinking about all the things I had to do the other day (nowhere near as hard as some of the things you've had to endure) but I was reminded of your saying..."I can do hard things." Thank you for continuing to blog and may Heavenly Father bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteafter you put the quote "I can do hard things" I ran and wrote it on my white board, I need to find a better, more permanent place for it.
ReplyDeleteYou seriously blow my mind, I just said that to my husband 4 times in a row. You have the kind of wisdom and charity I can only strive for.
I am glad someone made a book for you, I was thinking about making it and sending it your way but it makes me happy that others thought the same thing
Love nie nie and you!
Think of you and your hubby often! You are always in my thoughts. Much love for you both.
ReplyDeleteAshley,
ReplyDeleteYou have sure touched my life. Thank you so much. You CAN do hard things, and while in the process you are helping other people know that they can too. Sometimes we don't know why we have to go through certain things, but I do know that hevenly Father never gives us anything he knows we can't do. I Know He must have something very special in store for you and your husband. You have inspired me!
ashely- you have seriously touched my life. i am amazed at your example of faith, love, and honesty. you inspire me to try and be better, have more faith and gratitude in my life. thank you ashley for being so open and honest and helping us all to learn from your example. you are still in our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am a daughter in law of Dennis. We were touched that you attended the viewing last night and were there to 'mourn with those that mourn'. We will look to the strength and faith you have shown as we grieve our own loss. Thanks for your awesome example.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is quickly becoming my new favorite. It always makes me feel so much gratitude for all I have been blessed with and gives me the spiritual upliftment I need for that day! You are truly changing lives for the better with this blog and with the story of you amazing, precious little girl. Thank you so much for that.
ReplyDeleteYou have touched my life so much thank you for your strength and your wisdom!!!
ReplyDeleteI would Ditto every comment that has been written. Your thoughts are always so inspiring! I'll often catch my children reading your blog, it is helping all of us to change our attitudes toward "Hard Things" in our lives. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI just want to tell you what a ROCK you are! You don't know me, but I came across your blog and feel very close to you as you share your experiences and feelings. You inspire me and have helped me to treasure the things I am blessed with every single day. All too often I find it easy to complain about the little things that I take for granted...like babies hanging on your leg while you're trying to get dinner made :) I need to be more grateful! I pray for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your life with so many, and for your sweet Preslee angel!
ReplyDeleteMuch Love, Amy
My thoughts are with you often. Your story has competely changed the way that I mother my two little girls. I am so much more grateful. I am so much more patient. I am a better mother. It is easier, now, to remember what really matters. Thank you so much for sharing your story at this most difficult and personal time of grief for you. Thank You.
ReplyDeleteYou truly are amazing and I am so thankful for your strength you have had through your trial. You have helped me become a better person and know we are thinking of you often and our in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your posts. It is one thing that I am very grateful for.
ReplyDeleteYou are so encouraging. I can be so much more grateful in my life. I've never heard that quote, and I hope to use it from now on. Thank you for the uplift.
ReplyDeleteI think your blog has become the one that I anticipate an update from the most. You have incredible posts, I am so inspired by your strength and courage, and it's helping me become a better person. Thanks Ash. I don't think I can tell you that enough.
ReplyDeleteThank you for continuing your blog. I, too, have lost a child. My son was 15, and it has already been 18 years. I can tell you that as time passes, it does get easier. You miss them everyday, but after the first year, the "firsts" (first birthday, first Christmas, first whatever) without them is gone. Then you can just miss them. I know that Preslee is in heaven watching over you and Pat, and picking out a sweet spirit to joing your famly. I know that families are forever, and you will be with Preslee in the eternities!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to know that people are still looking out for you guys. I love that quote. I also love Nie Nie's blog. I definitely need to have more gratitude in my life and am striving to get better at it each day. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteYou can do hard things. I learned that quote a long time ago and refer to it ALL the time! I think you are soo incredible and think of you every day. You are such an amazing daughter of God who loves you!!! Take care!! Soooo many people love you! (including me)
ReplyDeleteHayley
All I can say is WOW! You are totally amazing...I admire you and look up to you, and the weird thing is....We've never met. Thanks for being so inspiring and for sharing..... May today be a great day for you!
ReplyDeleteHow beautiful and profound. Keep going, Ashley. Keep doing. Keep loving. Whereever you are, Preslee's essence and spirit is there too. She loves you and her daddy. She will never forget you and you are hers forever and she is yours forever. The love never ends. Have a wonderful day today!!
ReplyDeleteI read your blog as much as I can. I can only imagine what your going through. Just keep going and know you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteAshley,
ReplyDeleteI have followed NieNie for almost 2 1/2 years now and the amount of strength she has is empowering. I think the same for you. I don't know how I would even wake up and blog each day if I were in your shoes. Isn't God's grace so amazing?!?! The strength that we are given through HIS love can not be measured. I continue to keep you in my thoughts.
Jennifer
www.nennytales.blopgspot.com
Thank you for your strength and example. I know you are touching so many people through your blog and experience. I often think of your phrase "I Can Do Hard Things", thank you for sharing that with us. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing that. You continue to be a beacon of light to so many of us who have never even met you. We hope you know that you are very loved!!! Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteOnce again, I have tears streaming down my face as I am so touched by the spirit you possess. Wow, what a special person our Heavenly Father has made you. Keep moving forward, you will be so blessed for it. And thank you for continuing to lift me each day. I want to be more like you.
ReplyDeleteAshley,
ReplyDeleteyou are AMAZING! Thanks for your strength...you truly are an INSPIRATION!! while going throuah a hard time last week I had the hymn, "Count Your Many Blessings" come into my mind and as I sung it, the comfort came and I could "count my blessings" while the "tempest tossed". thought this may help you! (although you are ALWAYS helping ME!) have a good day! love, katie sommer
You are such an amazing, strong person. I love coming to your blog because you always have such great words of wisdom. I love reading NieNie, I watched that video too. I love the gratitude quote. I am sure it is hard for many of us to master it. Thanks again for your wonderful words.
ReplyDeleteBless you and Pat-- thank you for sharing. You can do hard things-- thank you!!
ReplyDeleteAshley, you are simply, beautiful. Thank you!
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ReplyDeleteYou are such an amazing girl. I found your blog though my friend, Shannon. I am always amazed at your strength and often moved to tears and I read your words. You inspire me to be a better person. What an angel you are.
ReplyDeleteI have to say you have blessed my life. You have made me slow down and take time for my daughter. It's not like I was a bad mom but now I understand the importance of cherishing the small moments. Like last night when she crawled in my bed. I am pregnant, due any minute, so having the extra company in my bed keeps me up. But instead of automatically returning her to her bed, I sat and snuggled her for a few minutes.
ReplyDeleteIt's those moments that we will always remember.
Thank you, Ashley. I love your blog.
ReplyDeleteYou amaze me. I used your words, your testimony about service and how it is saving your life in my RS lesson Yesterday. It touched MANY hearts. I am a stranger to you, but you are in my heart.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me. In fact I came across your blog because of another blog I was reading but I wanted you to read my cousins blog. It is kimandaustin.blogspot.com, right at the top click on nightmare/miracle/blessing -kamberlie. They went through the same thing and hopefully their words can help in someway, coming from the same thing. They are AMAZING people just like you two. I marvel at both of your strength. I don't know you but you and your husband will be in our prayers
ReplyDeleteI don't think I will ever be able to read your blog without shedding tears. The strength of your testimony amazes me. The Spirit pours through your words and I can guarantee you, is changing lives. The things you will (and already have) accomplish are great and many. Thank you for what you write and share.
ReplyDeleteYou have touched my life in so many ways. I look at your blog everyday to see if you have written something. I always want to know how you are doing and feeling that day. I'm a long ways from you. I live in Ohio, but I think about you everyday. Everytime I see a young mother and her little girl, I think about you and your pain. When I hold my daughter, I think about you and what you are going through. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I think you are a wonderful and strong person though. You are amazing. I don't know you but I care so deeply for you. My thoughts and prayers are always with you. I wish you many blessings because you deserve every one of them.
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Jenni
What a neat quote-- thx for sharing it. I am a follower of both your blogs' and "nienie" blog-- you 2 are my favorite. I lvoe getting your updates. You are such a strong woman and I admirey ou for your s trength. May heavenly Father bless you and your husband.
ReplyDeleteWe are strangers, but I feel our spirits are not. Your posts seem to "center" me and remind me to shake off all of the fluff in life and focus. Thank you for sharing your journey. I draw a lot of strength from it!
ReplyDeleteHi Ash,
ReplyDeleteI just want to tell you how much I love you and pat. I am reading your blog crying again. I am so proud of you and your strenght. You are amazing. I am so grateful for you in my life and the example you are to me and to make me a better person. Love, mm xoxoxox
Ashley,
ReplyDeleteI think of you and Pat often, also of your families. I hope time will continue to heal your hearts. I enjoy your sweet thoughts a whole bunch!
Kellie
You are amazing! I love NieNie too! I love that video and watch it often to remember what is important to me in my life and what I am thankful for. We all have an oh so good life!
ReplyDeleteYou are so amazing and such an inspiration. Thanks for continuing to share with us.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I look forward to reading your posts everyday and I am always inspired and in awe at how amazing you are. I can't even imagine the pain you must feel at your loss but thank heavens for the knowledge of the gospel and eternal families. I know the Lord is blessing you for all the lives you are touching through your amazing testimony as well.
ReplyDeleteI am always so inspired when I look into your life. You are truly beautiful. I know that little Preslee must look around up there and say..."Yep...she's MY mom...!" What a great quote. I think of you daily and when I need to do something...I often tell myself..."I can do hard things." I miss my Jack tremendously, but I know deep down that I'll have him again. Who knows...maybe our little ones found each other up there! :) Smile...you have a gorgeous smile!
ReplyDeleteLoves,
tiffany rich
you're the best Ash. So glad that I can read your blog. The things you posted have inspired changes in my life that were needed..and it makes me so proud and appreciative of the little girl I ran laps with!! You inspire me. Thanks for touching so many people, we think of you and pray for you still :) love ya
ReplyDeleteI have to echo the sentiment already expressed that your blog is one I look forward to reading and check frequently for updates. Your writing is uplifiting, spiritual, deep but also very, very real. You are an amazing person, and finding this little corner of the internet where you share your heart has enriched my life.
ReplyDeleteI continue to be grateful that I can across your blog and for your example...thank you for your amazing example.
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ReplyDeleteI just wanted to tell you Thank You. Please keep posting on your blog. You help me to remember what is important, and to enjoy our time now. You really amaze me, I feel like I know you and your family through your blog. I really look up to you and appreciate your posts.
ReplyDeleteYOu are an incredible person. You are nie nie, just YOU! I bet she didn't have your perspective this quick. I know you have horrible days, but your outlook is wonderful and You will be blessed!
ReplyDeleteAshley!
ReplyDeleteYou have taught me so much. Thank you! Thank You! We are praying for you.
My heart always aches for you. Sending love your way. I hope that I could have an ounce of strength that you have.
ReplyDeleteIts amazing to me how you seem to as they say "pull up your boot strings" and press forward with faith knowing that you can do "hard things". We lost a grandbaby two years ago and sometimes it still hurts and I'm sure it still hurts for you but we are so greatful for the gospel and know that those special little ones are being taken care of and we have to be the ones that work hard every day to be together with them again forever!!! Just want you to know that hold strong to those precious memories and that special someone that loves you more and more with every passing day(that eternal companion of yours) you are a specail couple
ReplyDeleteSidd- I still think about you all the time. I want to see you again because I feel for you so much. For me personally, you have helped me become a much more patient mother to Wyatt. I never ignore him anymore when I have homework to do on the couch, I always drop what I'm doing if he wants me and I'll just sit and play with him and smile at him... and then I think of you. I think of not having Wyatt all of a sudden and I feel an instant hollow emptiness inside and it makes my face turn pale. I'm sure this is a feeling that comes over you on a daily basis because of how much it hurts to think about your sweet angel. I cringe when I think about you crying to yourself on your bed, in the kitchen, in her room, etc... I cringe because I know that is exactly what I would do if I was in your situation. I know how it must hurt and when I think of you I want to just hug you and cry with you. You are one strong mom. I think Preslee knew you would be able to handle this. I look up to you more now than I ever have before. Even though we don't see each other very often, I'm so grateful we are friends and I want you to know that I love you as a dear friend. If there is anything I can do, I hope you know I would be there.
ReplyDeleteKeep smiling :)
Love, Andy
I read a quote tonight by Gordon B. Hinckley that made me think of you: "Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain."
ReplyDeleteThank you for your faith. You inspire me and so many others.
I hope you don't mind, but I did a little shout out to you on my blog today. It's amazing and comforting to me that our individual heartaches can serve to bless the lives of so many others. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteLove you Ashley and thank you again for continually being such an inspiration of hope, love, faith, grattitude, and truth. You are so beautiful and wonderful!!!
ReplyDeleteI have read your blog everyday since the accident happened, i have seen you grow and share your beautiful testimony with others, and strengthen all of us, and i have also read so many of your comments, mostly the same thing about love and gratitude to you and your patrick and i have wondered if it were me what would i want to hear? what would i write? And i have to be very honest and say i would want to hear...wow that is super sucky and i can't believe that such an amazing person has to deal with such loss! i know it sounds terrible but i do feel that way, you are amazing and i do find it terrible that you have had to go through such a devastating trial. I too have dealt with tragedy in my life no words ever made it better except being on my knees talking with my Heavenly Father, i hope and pray that with time your pain will be less. Good luck with school and everything you choose to do with your life today and in the future.
ReplyDeleteThank you so so much!!! I feel so overwhelmed with the love of our Savior when I read your blog. It always seems that you have written exactly what I need at that exact moment. Today I needed to remember that He knows what I need in my life and my future life more than I ever will. I need to stop sitting back and wishing things will work out one way or another. I need to just do the best I can and be grateful for NOW and the amazing blessings I have. Gratitude is so powerful! Thanks again for your tesstimony and sharing it with complete strangers. Thanks for being so in tune with the spirit and being such a powerful tool in God's hands! Thanks to little Preslee-for teaching me so much, even in spirit!
ReplyDeleteAshley, your blog is just as inspirational as Stephanies blog. Thank you for sharing such special things. I came across this quote and thought you might like it:
ReplyDelete"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
-Gordon B. Hinckley
"Life is to be enjoyed, not endured"
You have a gift of grasping the beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. By doing that you help others realize the beauty of the world around us even when we are faced with some of lifes biggest trials. We all are better people because of you. Thank you!
Ashley -
ReplyDeleteYou are an incredible lady. Thank you for your faith. We pray for you a lot. Know that you are loved and cared for by so many who haven't met you but who have been forever changed by you. May our Father in Heaven bless you for your faith in Him.
I've been frequenting your blog so much lately. Your quiet faith is incredible and you inspire me. I will be checking back often!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are exceptional.
ReplyDeleteYou are such an example to me! Thank you. And thanks for that quote on gratitude.
ReplyDeleteChrissy Olsen
Mesa, AZ
You continually amaze me! My daughter is having brain surgery on Oct. 13 (my mom told you about her when she visited you guys in the hospital) and I am so scared of something going wrong and loosing her. I think about you and how much strength you have shown and I don't know if I could do that. If I can show half of that, just through surgery, I will be amazed! You are very blessed!
ReplyDeleteYou probably get so many comments you can't read them all....I saw stephanie Neilson's video yesterday in the break between conference sessions...and she.is.amazing. I was crying through most of it, but especially at the closet one....I googled "my new life" hoping to find her blog..and did. I am so grateful to the internet and to those women ~like you and her~ who share your deepest moments. I am not there yet...even 6 years later. Working on it...but it is still very very hard. Take care..you can find me at menarethattheymighthavejoy.blogspot.com if you wish.
ReplyDeletei don't even know if you'll read this comment after how many you get each post...
ReplyDeletejust thought an old friend would stop by and say hello. hope all is well. i'm glad you are such a strong example... love you.
Wow. I don't have the words. Melissa French's mom told me about your blog and I've sat here and read and read every free moment I've gotten today. I've cried a lot and laughed and felt the Spirit. I want to thank you for sharing your story. It was heartbreaking to read about you ordering extra olives at Subway and finding Preslee's binkie in the closet. And I really needed your post about sitting back and enjoying the little moments (and more videos and journaling about my kids). It was the "Hurried Child" post. I just put it on my list to pick up at the library. I'm very guilty of making things too busy for my kids. And I love your "I can do hard things" quote. It'll be my new motto, too. I am so sorry for your unimaginable loss, but so grateful for the example you've given me today in your willingness to share your ups and downs. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. Because of your words, I'm going to cherish my husband and kids a little bit more today and squeeze them a little tigher(and hopefully from now on). You and Pat are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteSimply put, you are such a beautiful daughter of God. Thank you for being such a good example.
ReplyDelete