WE CAN DO HARD THINGS-(Whittlee hamblin)

On the day that Whittlee Hamblin’s husband, Stewart, was given a clean bill of health from a brain tumor he was diagnosed with last year, she was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. This news came as nothing short of a shock to their systems. Having a young family, their oldest daughter is 5 and their twin daughters are 4, they never anticipated facing these heavy health related trials at this stage in their lives. They thought they were on the up and up with their health until a hard mass was found in Whittlee’s abdomen. She now halfway through her chemotherapy treatments and says she feels so much better since being treated.

Whittlee shared, “We don’t always understand why we are called to go through certain trials in life. However, I have learned that God’s plan is the best plan! When I put my faith in His timing I feel more peace in my life. When I trust that the trials I face are happening for my good, that they are rigged in my favor, I find evidence of this truth. I can see how perfectly God has orchestrated my life to be exactly the way it is. I can also see how these trials are blessing the lives of my family members and those in my community.”

Whittlee and her family are an inspiration to anyone who crosses their paths, and we are thrilled that she was willing share with us some of the things that are and are not helpful for her and her sweet family as they make their way through this trial.

What are some things that people say to you that you find helpful?

The most uplifting words shared with us through this experience have been “we love you and we are praying for you”. No other phrase has brought as much peace to our hearts as this simple expression of love and as those who surround us pray on behalf of our family.

Were there certain things that have been said to you or your family during this time that have been hurtful?

I firmly believe that the words people share are neutral and that the thoughts I have about the words that are shared are my responsibility. Put simply, I can choose to be hurt by words or I can choose to think that people are genuinely trying to help in some way. What hasn’t been helpful are stories of other people that have passed away from the same type of cancer that I have. I focus so much on living and keeping a positive attitude that these stories of death can pull me down quickly if I let them.

Can you tell us about some acts of service that have meant a lot to your family?

Absolutely! Here are some things people in our community have done that have majorly helped us:

· Sent a text message along the lines of “Hey, I’m headed to Walmart, Target, or Costco. Do you need anything while I’m out?” This specific text lets me think about what I’ve forgotten to purchase for my family and allows my friends to help in a specific way.

· A family in our church congregation has taken on the liberty of mowing our lawn every other weekend so my husband has more time with my family.

· 4 different friends trade off helping me with laundry each week. They’ll pick up two loads of laundry each Monday and return the clean, folded clothes the next day. This is so helpful!

· Another friend with more means has paid for a cleaning service to deep clean our home every other week. This is so generous and helpful. My husband and I can keep our home picked up and tidy during the week. But it’s so helpful to have someone come to deep clean the bathrooms and kitchen!

· I have a friend who will send me humorous memes via text a couple times a week. These make me laugh and help me see humor in my life!

Were there any actions from others that have been hurtful to you or your family?

Yes! When I was first diagnosed with colon cancer, well-meaning friends would often drop in out of the blue to say “hi”. During that time, I was in immense physical pain and wasn’t always up for visits. So these unannounced pop-in visits were very draining even though the intention behind them was good. We learned our lesson and made a sign for our front door. This sign indicated that we were having family time. It gave people notice that we would love a visit, but to text us first so we made sure it was a good time for our family. This helped tremendously!

A huge thank you goes out to Whittlee! We wish her all the best as she continues to fight. If you would like to follow Whittlee and the Hamblin family on their continued journey, here is where you can find her online.

Instagram handles: @whittlee & @inspriredhomepodcast @hamblingroupinteriors

Facebook pages: Whittlee Hamblin & Whittlee’s Warrirors

Website: whittlee.hamblin.cc

Gift Ideas

• Greeting Card
• “I Can Do Hard Things” Ring
• Custom “Do Not Deserve” Sign
• House Cleaning Gift Certificate
  
  

We CAN DO HARD THINGS-(LINSEY JACKSON)

When Linsey Jackson was only 25 years old, her father passed away from cancer. Due to personal reasons, her and her family moved in with her parents right as her father began treatment. Despite having to watch their grandpa go through cancer treatment, her family (and especially her children) brought a happiness to the home that he needed. He loved all 4 of his grandsons so much and seeing them always made his day!

Throughout his treatment for cancer, Linsey witnessed innumerable acts of service and love given to him and all of her family.  She learned invaluable lessons about connecting with those you love and making the time you have with them count. Through listening to her father talk about his life experiences, she was able to connect with him like she never had before and had many sacred experiences with him. She said, “It’s so hard to find the blessings in the darkest parts of our life, but if we just look for them, they are there. You will see them! It’s not always easy, but if you can just be a good friend to those in pain, you will help lighten their load in ways you may not understand.”

We are so thankful that Linsey is willing to share with us her experience of how others supported her and her family while her father went through cancer treatment. 

What were some things that people said that were helpful when your father was going through cancer treatment?

We received so many words of encouragement during my father's treatment. I remember a friend coming to me at one point and saying, "I know that you are just being strong for your family, but just know that I am always a phone call away when you need to talk for a minute." She smiled at me and walked away. I'll never forget that, because it showed me that others were paying attention to me. It felt great to know it was okay for me to have feelings about this experience too, even though I wasn't as vocal about it.

People generally have good intentions, but was there anything that people said that hurt? 

I believe people have good intentions but sometimes I was shocked at things people would say. "Hopefully he doesn't have to suffer long, it was actually better when my parent passed away quickly," was the most hurtful one to hear; it felt like they were just giving up on my dad and it angered and hurt me! People would also ask if I thought my mother would get remarried. My dad was still alive when this question was asked! I'll never understand that one.

Are there any specific acts of service that were particularly helpful while your father underwent his cancer treatments?

Neighbors and friends would bring treats and meals, along with movies for him to watch and books for him to read. Family and friends would come over to just sit with him and keep him company. He loved it all so much. It was amazing to see the love and service from others towards my dad. I believe that helped his focus not be solely on his treatment and he was able to enjoy himself! We did have some who would come and leave a note or treat on our doorstep and that was perfect. We knew they were thinking of our family, but didn't have to stress over trying to accommodate so many visitors at once.

Were there any actions from others that were hurtful to you or your family?

I think one of the hardest things to handle, was having so many opinions from people we didn't really know, on different treatments he should be trying instead of what his doctor recommended. At some point my parents had to make the decision to just keep to their doctor’s instruction because the thought that they were missing another life-saving treatment was emotionally and physically draining, when, in reality, they were already doing the best and only option they could for him.

We thank Linsey again for her insight and helpful suggestions! 

Gift Ideas:

• Amazon gift card for books
• Movie night care package
• Hand painted Christmas ornament

We Can Do Hard Things–(LeAnne Lavender)

Meet LeAnne Lavender. (Yes, that is her real name, and she says it’s a major upgrade from her maiden name!) She met Mr. Lavender in 2010 and married him 3 years later. Their first two years of marriage included Derek graduating from law school, moving into their 410 square foot garage while they worked on their fixer-upper home and hosting bonfires and game nights.

Everything changed for them on the morning of June 15th, 2014. The usual text from Derek to LeAnne, letting her know he had made it safely to work on his motorcycle (he'd been riding for years, but LeAnne requested the daily text) was replaced by a phone call from a man named David, telling her that Derek had been in a terrible accident and that she needed to get herself to the hospital. Although Derek had on a full faced helmet and all the gear, he still managed to break 7 bones, his spine, and collapse his lung.

Through God’s grace, Derek’s mind was spared, but throughout his month-long ICU stay, and 4 month stay in a rehabilitation facility, the reality of Derek not being able to walk again sunk in. As a complete T6 spinal cord patient, Derek and LeAnne’s lives were forever changed as they learned to navigate this new world of him being paralyzed and without feeling from his armpits down.

We are so grateful that LeAnne is willing to share with us some thoughts on what was helpful during her husband’s hospital stay and how to help support someone whose spouse has suffered a major injury or illness.

With all you have endured - what have been the most helpful words? What have people said that have given you peace, hope and encouragement to help you?

Day two into this whole journey, my mom pulled me aside and told me a story about her mom. You see, my grandma was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer when she was 35. Early into chemo, she told my mom the Bible story of Moses and the Israelites. If you go back and read Exodus 16, you will see that God literally provided food for them each day, the exact amount they needed. They couldn’t store it because it would go bad. It was such a powerful reminder to me that God gives us exactly the strength we need to get through each day.

I know most people mean well, but they don't always say the most helpful things. Is there anything people say to you that continually hurts?

For us, the big one is, “Wow, you are so great to stay by him,” or “My wife would have left me by now.” Obviously, intentions are good and I am certain all the folks that comment on our marriage are truly meaning it as a compliment. But how would you feel if someone said your spouse was this incredible person for staying by your side. It would make you feel like your spouse was doing you some type of favor or got trapped into helping you. Yes, we both miss the marriage we had before the accident. There were obviously major pluses to not being paralyzed, but Derek is still Derek. We still have a great time together and have been finding ways to adapt our old hobbies to our new lifestyle.

What are some things that people did for you that were the most helpful when your husband was in the hospital and rehabilitation facility?

A big takeaway for me was how to put together a decent care package! For your next care package, consider including a few of these things: hospitals are always freezing, so throw in a snuggly blanket that they can toss out when they leave the hospital, a warm sweatshirt, or socks with little paddings on the feet.

An inspirational book about prayer, suffering, etc. is eventually helpful but when you’re going through a traumatic experience, we found it easier to escape into a fictional scenario. We read about a dozen books during our 5 months in the hospital and loved when care packages came with a new novel.

Gift Cards are also very welcomed. Any gas cards we received, we handed off to our families which made it a little easier for them to visit us.

Anything else you would like to share with us?

Life is certainly more difficult now but no less beautiful. Everything just takes a little more time and a little more thought. For instance, Derek doesn't just run to the store to grab something. The process of getting in and out of the car is more time consuming that either of us would like. We also are very aware of the weather. If it is supposed to rain or snow, we basically stay home because we only have one cushion for the wheelchair and no one wants to sit on a wet cushion all day! It’s just all these little random things that we never thought of or had to think of that now makes up our daily life.

On the flip side, we honestly are doing much better than either of us thought possible. Derek is back to work full time, he drives and is independent except when it comes to the laundry, dishes, and making the bed.

Gift Ideas

• Gift Cards
• Comfortable blanket
• Anti-slip socks 
• Warm sweatshirt 
• Visa gift card for gas or food or drink at the hospital

To learn more about LeAnne and Derek’s life after his injury, visit the links below.

• Website
• Instagram
• Facebook

We Can Do Hard Things: Tessie Friedli

Meet Dakota and his mom, Tessie.

Dakota was born healthy and active. When he was 2 years and 3 months old, a fence panel fell on top of him which left him unable to breathe. No one was next to him when it happened and due to the lack of oxygen, he couldn't breathe or cry for help. By the time he was found, they estimate it took about 20 minutes, he was left with an anoxic brain injury. In an instant he went from a healthy, busy, talkative, active 2 year old boy, to a boy that could no longer walk, talk, eat, or even breathe on his own. He should have passed away, but miraculously, he chose to live. Dakota has progressed over the last 5 years since his accident, but he is still very limited by his body. He cannot use any part of his body as he would like and his only form of communication is through his facial expressions and eyes. He has a g-tube for feedings and a trach for breathing and suctioning. We are so blessed to have Dakota in our lives.

Q: You and your husband experienced so much that first year, what did you find most helpful during your stay at the hospital?

A: “Some of the best things that were done for us were gift baskets that were either dropped off or mailed. Baskets with snacks, blankets, thank you cards, journal, chapstick, tissue, slippers, comfy clothes, etc were SOOOO helpful because we were literally living at the hospital for 6 weeks. Those little tokens were so helpful and made being in a hospital a tiny but more bearable. Our son's nursery class in church sent him coloring pages from all the kids and teachers which we were able to put up in the hospital room to feel it with cheer. TONS of Toy Story toys were either brought by or mailed because that was Dakota's FAVORITE thing! It was comforting having little reminders of things he loved around him although we realized he had no idea they were there. Our parents and siblings printed off poster size pictures of Dakota that we hung all around the room. This was probably my MOST favorite thing because it allowed the nurses and doctors who were working on him to get a glimpse of who this little boy underneath all the hoses really was, what he looked like, what he loved, and how much he was loved.”

 (Dakota, before his accident) 

Q: After spending six weeks in the hospital, what was most helpful after returning home?

A: “The first few months home were extremely overwhelming to say the least. Dakota was very unstable and needed around the clock care. We hardly slept and we were literally in survival mode. Nothing at all was the same as it once was. Our days were filled with tons of meds, g-tube feedings, therapy, suctioning, mourning, and adjusting. It was a very hard time for my husband and I. We still weren't ready to face the world—our  friends and neighbors who wanted to see us and Dakota. Luckily for us our friends and family understood and were patient with us as we focused on adjusting to our new life. Instead of stopping by, they would text thoughtful messages, leave notes at our door or send them in the mail to let us know they were there for us. (Some people might love a visit, everyone is different.) Our parents were the most helpful during this difficult and dark time. They came up weekly to let us get out and go on a date, which gave us a much needed break. We needed that time alone and together and away from all the chaos. That was literally our saving grace.”

“We also had amazing church members that brought us meals for not just a few days or weeks, but literally a few months! I realize that was probably a difficult task for all of them and how much they sacrificed for us...but those meals were lifesaving. The last thing on my mind or that I even had time for was wondering what to make for dinner. Their kindness and compassion in bringing us those meals gave me a little bit more strength and energy to get through the day. We had random friends and neighbors outside pulling our weeds. The help with those mundane, time consuming tasks was THE BEST thing that anyone could have done for us!! The kind notes, messages, and money that came in the mail also continued...not just for days, weeks, or months but for a couple years, although they got fewer and fewer. I think so often people forget about someone's struggle after the newness and freshness of it all fades away...but it was those lingering notes of kind and encouraging words that gave us the strength to keep going and allowed us to see and feel that our Heavenly Father was still aware of us...sending his earthly angels to continue to strengthen and encourage us to not give up.”



Q: What are helpful things that people do now, five years later?

A:  “Dakota has progressed into a happy, sweet, INCREDIBLE little boy who radiates a little piece of heaven everywhere he goes. It took a couple years to be able to accept this new Dakota, trust in God's plan for Him, and move forward with faith, hope, and PURE happiness! I no longer look at this trial with devastation and heartache as I once did although my heart still misses that 2 year old boy I once knew. I have been able to see and feel through the grace of God what a blessing this trial has been for me, my family, and ALL those that know Dakota. I now can say with complete certainty that Dakota chose this plan to be a light for all the world to see. His eyes sparkle with a light only heaven can give. He has done more good in his short 7 years then most can do in a lifetime. Saying all of this...it doesn't take away that my daily load is still heavy. He still needs help to do everything! I still have times where I feel overwhelmed or just tired. Luckily for us we have amazing parents who step in and babysit for Dakota since only those who are trained with a trach can watch him. He goes to school and it melts my heart to see the kindness and friendship from the kids at his school. I think as a parent if you can teach your children how special and amazing the kids with special needs are it will make them more comfortable around them and will in turn allow them to be kind and loving towards them. That means the very most to parents of special needs kid. I will never forget when a mom from Dakota's preschool called to see if Dakota could have a playdate. She had no idea that Dakota had any special needs. Her kid just loved him and wanted to play with him!”

 
Website: http://zachandtessie.blogspot.com/
Tessie has also guest posted {here}

Gift Idea: 

Tessie mentioned dinner being delivered for months. Here’s a fun twist. I purchased the ingredients to make spaghetti, printed the adorable free printable designed by Miss Audrey Sue, and threw it all together in an adorable colander. (You can download the printable below)  After purchasing everything, I literally put the basket together in less than 10 minutes, including a note on the backside of the printable. This is a great alternative to delivering dinner when just wanting to drop by unexpectedly. Therefore if they already have dinner planned, they can use it for another night.

Basket includes:

• Colander (Found {here}, or a smilar one from Amazon {here})
• Spaghetti sauce
• Spaghetti
• 1 bag of salad
• Ranch dressing
• Parmesan cheese
• Cookie mix
• French bread (not pictured)
• Free printable (sign up below)
• optional: meat to add to the spaghetti sauce.

Note: We thought we would make it easier and deliver the free printable right to your inbox. Don't worry, we won't sell or give your e-mail address to anyone. If this is your first time subscribing, watch and make sure our e-mail isn't delivered to your junk folder :)

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We Can Do Hard Things - Together

Not long after losing Preslee, our family took on the mantra- I Can Do Hard Things. Over the past five years, we’ve repeated the phrase time and time again. The neat thing is, after reading many different e-mails, so have many of you.

 

Losing Preslee changed our lives in so many different ways, but so has this blog. We’ve been uplifted time and time again. From the sweet and encouraging comments that were left during Preslee’s hospital stay, to the love and support we were shown during the funeral we will be forever grateful to those who reached out to our family.

Over the past few years, I’ve learned from so many of you that God hears our prayers and His answers usually come from ordinary people who choose to listen to His promptings. There have been many times I’ve thanked my Heavenly Father that we don’t live in a world where we have to experience trials by ourselves.

Now, five years after losing our daughter, I continue to receive a surprising amount of e-mails asking for ideas on how to help others struggling with different trials. I’ve learned most people want to help, they just don’t know the best way to go about it. Not long ago, an idea came, and it hit hard. I suddenly had different images of the blog swarming around in my head, and I haven’t been able to shake them. With a lot of prayer, and direct guidance from above, I’m excited to introduce a new segment on my blog, one that makes my heart incredibly happy.

If you scroll up to the top of the page, and look just below the header, you’ll notice a new tab – How to Help. If you click on it, you’ll find a new page titled, We Can Do Hard Things. On that page is an index filled with different trials, such as - Death, Addiction, Infertility, Illness, and many more. If you click on “Death-Child,” you’ll be able to see posts already listed. The purpose of the index is to share ideas on how to help others going through these trials, along with printables, and resources to help make serving easy. I’m hoping these posts will help readers learn what is most helpful to do and say to those who find themselves in the midst of a difficult trial.

 

After weeks of brainstorming a name for this segment, I settled on – We can do hard things because I find  the phrase has two meanings:

1. I know it’s possible to accomplish hard things, especially when we receive help from others.
2. Sometimes serving is…hard. Let’s be honest, there are times we don’t have a clue where to start when wanting to help someone, and showing up on their door step can be nerve wracking. It can be extremely intimidating when we don’t fully understand what someone is going through, but all we know is we want to help.

This is why the blog has been a little quiet over the past month or two. I’ve been hard at work, reading, researching, and corresponding with individuals who have experienced the trials found within the index. I am incredibly excited to begin introducing these posts and hope they will be able to help those searching for ways to serve.

My heart is bursting.
I feel this might be a way for our little family to pass on the kindness that has been shown to us.
I can’t wait to share what I’ve learned from so many incredible people.

Stay tuned (later this week) for the first post in this series… helping families that have been blessed with a child with special needs.

F2TF 5K – TEAM PRESLEE!

Shortly after losing Preslee, I came to know Ann Smith. Her son Tyler had recently been diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer. We instantly became friends, and I watched as their entire family stood behind Tyler who fought for his life. My heart broke for the Smith family when they announced Tyler had passed away in 2012.

Months later, Ann teamed up with Becky, who runs Anything for a Friend, an online community fundraiser, and they announced the first F2TF (Fight 2 the Finish) 5k, where proceeds would be donated to helping others with life - threatening illnesses.

We weren’t able to attend last year due to having twins, but this year I sent an e-mail around asking family and friends if any would be interested in putting a team together. We needed at least 25 people to create our own team, (Team Preslee). I wasn’t sure if we would have enough interested, due to the fact the race was in Ogden, UT and most of us live in Idaho, 3 1/2 hours away. But I was thrilled when nearly 70 people committed! Seriously, can you believe it? 70 people! We’ve been blessed with such amazing people in our life.

Thank you to all those who traveled to be apart of this with us.

I’ve ran a few races, and this one is different.

Some of my favorite aspects of the race were…

The different teams (35 this year!) Runners don’t have to be a part of any specific team to be involved, but if there are at least 25 people, a team can be created. There will be a specific shirt made for that team, and each team runs for somebody special, with that person’s name on the back. We ran for Preslee.

(Four out of the 35 teams!)

• The balloon release, each team was handed balloons, ours were pink (for Team Preslee) and green (for Team Tyler) and each team let their balloons off at the same time before the race.
• The “Trail of Hope.” Along the course, each team has a poster with who they are running for. As we ran and looked at every poster, I couldn’t help but wonder what each person had been through.
• The feeling there. It’s hard to describe the atmosphere, but it was incredibly hopeful. There was a neat feeling there. As team captain, I went to grab the balloons. I couldn’t help but talk to some of the other captains waiting in line. When learning what they had been through, I became super emotional (along with many others) it was reminder that everyone goes through trials, but we’re all in this together.
• 
• Meeting so many people. I was able to meet people I’ve been in contact with through the blog over the past few years. Many were Angel Mom’s who I loved talking to, these women just seem to understand.
• Necklaces. Preslee didn’t go anywhere without her necklaces, so it only seemed fitting that I passed out necklaces along with the shirts for each girl.

Enjoy the fun pictures, my heart literally bursts every time I look at them.
We love you all!

                            

On our drive home, Pat asked me what my favorite part about our weekend was. My response - how many times I heard Preslee’s name. It was mentioned during planning, months before, and so many times during race day. I loved being able to read her name on every black t-shirt that I spotted amongst 1500 people. I loved the fact that people saw her sweet little face on a poster, and that we were asked who she was.
I left with an extremely full heart.

This was different than any other race I’ve been a part of, and I loved it. I loved that they were able to raise so much money for such an incredible cause. (Click here to learn more about what they do with the proceeds.) If you live anywhere near UT, I highly suggest looking to be a part of next years F2TF 5K. We’ve had so many family members ask that we do it again :)