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Home Ashley grief Holidays Popular Posts Preslee Letter to Fellow Grieving Parents

Letter to Fellow Grieving Parents

My Dear Sweet Friend,

There are so many things I wish I could say to you at this time of year, I wish we were able to sit down together and discuss everything in our hearts. Most of all, I wish I could lean over and give you a great big hug and let you know you aren’t alone.

It’s officially the Christmas season. We somehow survived Thanksgiving, and now its onto Christmas. Everyone expects us to be Merry and Jolly, and whether you are celebrating your first Christmas without your angel or your 10th, I know you’ll most likely have that moment at least once this Holiday season.

grieving parents at christmas

Each year that moment strikes me at different times. This year, it came on Sunday. I was sitting in an hour long class at church, enjoying a Christmas lesson, when it came. You know, that moment when you are unexpectedly hit with emotions and it just becomes too overwhelming? When that familiar ache takes over and you have to physically remind yourself to breathe? Yes, it was that moment. I started bawling and couldn’t stop. There I sat surrounded by women, most of whom have no idea I have a daughter, and I felt very alone.  Death of child at christmas

As the tears continued to fall, I told myself to think of something else, and why my brain automatically focused on the fact that her Birthday is next week, I’m not sure. I literally rolled my eyes, because I knew the tears weren’t stopping anytime soon. I contemplated walking out, but due to the fact I was sitting towards the front and next to the wall, the thought of squeezing past people while sobbing… well, I thought that would bring more unwanted attention. So I burrowed down into my chair and cried as silently as I could, wiping the mascara from my cheeks wishing I had a tissue.

Grieving parents

Ugh, its been five years, and during that moment on Sunday, it felt as intense as it was that very first year after Preslee died. Though these moments don’t come as frequent, they still come, and they still hurt. We both know most people don’t really want to hear about death and grief during such a joyous time of year, but I want to let you know you aren’t alone when that moment hits you. If I could, I would hand you an angel ornament and let you know you aren’t the only one thinking about your child. I’d mention your angel’s name and ask, “What is it that you miss the most about him/her?” And then we could talk about our children, not because we’re sad, but because our angels deserve to be talked about, just like any other child.

grieving parents
And more importantly, I would let you know that even though these moments leave you feeling extremely isolated, you aren’t alone. Each year, I have to remind myself the true reason we celebrate Christmas, it’s because our Savior was born – the person who made it possible to be reunited with our sweet angels. So even though those moments might be overwhelming, we really do have something special to celebrate.
Hang in there, we’ll make it through this, together.

Love,
Ashley
// Labels: Ashley, grief, Holidays, Popular Posts, Preslee
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8 comments:

  1. Ashley ZieglerDecember 8, 2015 at 9:25 AM

    Ashley this is beautiful and brought me to tears. I know a few people who would love to read this, and I have shared it with them. Thank you for sharing your heart, and such tender moments with us. Even though I do not have children right now, I can still feel the love of the Savior from reading this post, knowing I need to "mourn with those that mourn..." —Praying for your family this holiday season!

    xoxo

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  2. DiniDecember 8, 2015 at 11:20 AM

    That was so beautifully written. I'm so sorry for your loss. May your sweet memories of Preslee bring you joy this Christmas.

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  3. UnknownDecember 8, 2015 at 12:50 PM

    Beautiful. Thanks for sharing and for helping open the eyes of those who haven't been in your situation. Helping all of us be a little more kind to those around us. Sending love to you and your family especially during these next few hard weeks.

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  4. JessDecember 8, 2015 at 12:52 PM

    Thank you for this beautiful post. It has been 2 1/2 years since my almost 10 month old baby boy passed away. I read this through tears as I know so well that heartache and the tears that just hit hard sometimes. I love your blog and perspective. It has helped me through my journey of grief. Thank you for having the courage to share your feelings.

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  5. UnknownDecember 8, 2015 at 5:39 PM

    Beautiful post Ashley. Much love to you this holiday season.

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  6. Abby LevissDecember 10, 2015 at 1:45 PM

    Whenever I see pictures of Preslee, I think of how agonizing it is that you cannot just hold her and kiss her. It's just the worst feeling in the world. I, too, feel this way around the holidays without my Max. I always feel cautious around people about my grief. I hate bringing them down or letting my own guard down because people don't always treat me with kindness or compassion - I feel extra cautious around this time of year because I don't want to spoil the mood. It's really awful.

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  7. Mrs. MundDecember 14, 2015 at 11:44 AM

    Thank you Ashley. I have been reading your blog for awhile and have always admired your strength. I have a 4 1/2 year old girl, and a 2 1/2 year old girl. I love to watch what you are doing with your boys because our kids are so close in age. :)

    I read this post about 2 weeks ago and thought it was beautiful, but I didn't connect with it personally until this week. I had a miscarriage last week and lost a baby that I've been hoping and waiting for for awhile. We had been trying for almost a year to get pregnant and only carried the baby for 11 weeks before I lost it. It has been a difficult week, but I have been lifted up a little by reading your post here.

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    1. AshleyJanuary 5, 2016 at 8:37 PM

      Oh, I"m so sorry. My heart aches for you, I know how difficult and consuming praying for a child can be. Sending my love. XOXO

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Hi, we're the Sullengers! Life turned upside down for us in 2010 when we lost our daughter in an accidental drowning. Since then, we've documented our highs (life with all five of our kids) and our lows (struggles with grief) but amongst everthing we've experienced, we know as long as we hold on to one another we can get through anything that comes our way. Read More. . .

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