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Home Ashley Free Printables grief Her Family Patrick Preslee The accident Good Timber + Free Printable

Good Timber + Free Printable

The room felt chilly, and looked different with the early morning sunlight streaming through the window. It now seemed bright, small, and bare. The cold dark floors were anything but inviting, and the constant beeping gave me anxiety. But I was only focused on one thing in that room, and it was my daughter, laying in a hospital bed.

drowning

The sweet nurse quietly but quickly pulled up a chair which allowed me to sit next to Preslee. As I held her hand, I replayed yesterdays events in my mind, still trying to make sense of how we ended up here. Twenty-two hours ago, Preslee and I were picking Patrick up because his car broke down on the highway. Nineteen hours before, the three of us were driving to Sam’s Club. Seventeen hours before, Preslee climbed out of her crib for the very first time. Fifteen hours before, Pat and I were walking out of the movie theatre when we received the devastating phone call which told us to rush to the hospital, where we would learn our daughter had drowned in a canal. From that point on, everything was a complete blur, filled with images of doctors, tears, family, prayers, sending Preslee off on the life flight plane, flying in a stranger’s private plane to SLC, UT, spending hours in the waiting room, and now finally being allowed to be with my daughter. As I sat and stared at my little girl, I knew whatever the outcome might be, life was going to be different.

Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted as my mom walked in, and took a seat on the other side of the hospital bed. I filled her in on Preslee’s status, and then broke down. With tears running down my face, I asked her,“Why us? Why Preslee? What did we do to deserve this? We’ve done everything that has been asked of us. What were we being punished for?”

drowning 
(Preslee and my mom)

Three and a half years later, I’ve heard others ask the same question, “Why us?” as they too, experienced difficult trials. The more I study, and the more I watch good people struggle, the more I understand this phrase to be true-

Good Timber_2 5x7 printable (“Good Timber”, by Douglas Malloch)

It seems when people learn we lost our daughter, many of them tend to share the trials they’ve been forced to endure. Its been humbling and eye opening. I’ve listened and been amazed as they share how they drove their roots deep down into the earth, and they stood tall, and in the end, became stronger trees. I’ve learned that trials often make the most beautiful kind of people, they develop talents and qualities this world often tends to lack.
James E. Faust taught:

“The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength.” 
That cruel, hard, pain which Elder Faust speaks about has been present in my life, especially thinking back to that cold hospital room, to the moment we realized we were going to have to say goodbye, when we watched our only child take her last breath, battling depression, and even now, during those moments my heart literally aches to have a five year old little girl helping me with her brothers, I too know this pain. But with time, I’ve learned how to answer the question I asked my mom three years ago,
“Why us?”

Because the Lord had plans, and saw something I didn’t. (And still does when I doubt) Like President Faust taught, my prideful self needed to be softened, reshaped, and be given the opportunity to become something stronger. I may only be a small tree, who withstood the first storm, but I’ve learned from others to thrust my own roots down deep, anchor them in soil.

Good timber

And when my roots were anchored, I found:
Hope – which helped me put one foot in front of the other, and eventually brought happiness back into my life.

Love -  grief taught me to love much more deeply, with that comes compassion.
Faith – in the gospel of Jesus Christ, that this life isn’t the end.
But the number one thing losing Preslee taught me, is I don’t have to withstand the storm alone. When grief becomes consuming and detrimental, and it feels like I can’t withstand the wind anymore, I’ve learned I don’t have to fight the high speed winds by myself, I can trust in my savior, Jesus Christ to be the one next to me, shielding the wind at my most desperate times.

I just have to be the one who seeks Him out.
Whether you are battling the biggest trial of your life, or it is yet to come, remember good timber does not grow with ease. When you want to scream, “Why me?” Remember, God knows your potential, and he’s pushing you to become something beautiful, and usually something to bless someone else’s life. I know I couldn’t have gotten through the past three and a half years without those who already survived their storms.

If I could give one piece of advice to someone who is struggling, or those who have yet to face significant trials in their own lives, it would be to dig deep, and anchor your roots in the gospel of Jesus Christ and His teachings. If I've learned one thing during this storm, it’s that you never know when the wind is going to blow, or how hard it will hit.

Free Printable created by:
Miss Audrey Sue
// Labels: Ashley, Free Printables, grief, Her Family, Patrick, Preslee, The accident
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13 comments:

  1. JessieApril 7, 2014 at 7:34 AM

    What an absolutely beautiful post! You are a giant oak.

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  2. UnknownApril 7, 2014 at 10:11 AM

    Thank you. My husband and I are going through a trial right now... we are trying to exercise patience and trust in the Lord but it is hard. Really need to read this today. <3

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  3. PrettyLuckyMamaApril 7, 2014 at 10:43 AM

    I can't say it enough but dear little Preslee has been a true blessing to everyone that comes across your story. I found your blog about a year ago and reading about your journey has truly been a blessing for me. Because of your Preslee I have learned to never take anything for granted especially my own baby girl. Thank you for sharing your journey and I hope you know that it has truly made a difference in many peoples lives.

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  4. Auntie EMApril 7, 2014 at 11:49 AM

    Profound and beautiful words and thoughts. It is amazing that our worst days, our worst trials can bring us to a place where we can be polished, groomed, changed and made into a new person....if only we will allow it to happen. You are a wonderful example of that change that can happen in our lives. You and your darling husband have traveled a road that most of us don't have to but you never waivered from the path of righteousness and faith. We must look to that anchor that will last through every storm....and He will always be there to help us and hold onto us through our trials. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Thank you for sharing a little piece of your life with us...it helps me to want to be a better person.

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  5. Uncomplicated ParentingApril 7, 2014 at 1:12 PM

    Thank you for being so willing to share your story and your faith. I have loved your blog. My first child, a little girl named Madelyn, was stillborn just a couple weeks before her due date almost a year ago. It has been a hard year going through the grieving process, but it helps so much to see someone on the other side and to have your example. Thank you!

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  6. Katie statenApril 7, 2014 at 10:32 PM

    Thank you!

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  7. Matt and PennyApril 7, 2014 at 11:00 PM

    I read an article in the April Ensign about perseverance and this one sentence reminded me of your post today and I felt the need to share it. " It has been said that strong men and women are like kites-they only rise higher when the winds of opposition come against them." I find strength in my trials knowing something good will come if I persevere. You are a perfect example of this. You have blessed many sharing your trials and showing faith and perseverance and I thank you.

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  8. Kennedy KlanApril 9, 2014 at 6:37 PM

    Ashley, this is such a beautiful post, so well written and has so much love and tears.... I wish you still had your little girl, but I know she is close to you always. What amazing parents you and Pat are, and I am so grateful for the gospel promises we have and that you will raise Preslee and enjoy her again. :) Hugs to you

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  9. RachApril 10, 2014 at 1:44 PM

    Thanks Ash, that was so good to read. While I was reading a quote came to my mind and you've probably heard it before but I wanted to share it anyway- it's one of my favs!
    “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

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  10. BritneyApril 16, 2014 at 10:42 PM

    This is exactly what I needed to read tonight, Ashley! You are such an amazing person and such a good example to me. Thank you!

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  11. KaylaApril 26, 2014 at 2:52 PM

    One of my very favorite of your posts- I will be sharing this with some wonderful people who are struggling through strong winds.

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  12. KaylaApril 26, 2014 at 2:53 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!!!

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  13. LynetteJune 22, 2014 at 9:01 PM

    This is so beautifully put! These have been my exact thoughts and feelings as I have gone through my own loss this past year. It is crazy to see how much stronger I have become than I ever thought I could be. Heavenly Father definitely has a plan for each of us.

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Hi, we're the Sullengers! Life turned upside down for us in 2010 when we lost our daughter in an accidental drowning. Since then, we've documented our highs (life with all five of our kids) and our lows (struggles with grief) but amongst everthing we've experienced, we know as long as we hold on to one another we can get through anything that comes our way. Read More. . .

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