Sometimes I wonder how often our boys interact with their older sister.
A few weeks ago, Ledger learned to say Preslee’s name while we were at the cemetery. Pat wasn’t there, so I taped it for him. Since then, I can’t believe how much Ledger mentions Preslee’s name to us.
For example, just this past week, the babies were sleeping, and Ledger and I were in my bedroom. Ledge was on my bed playing the iPad, and I was hanging up clothes, neither one of us were talking. A thought about Preslee randomly entered my head, and shortly after, Ledger, with a big grin on his face exclaimed, “Preslee!” I asked, “Who?” He said, “Pres!” I didn’t say anything back, but he continued to stare at me with a big grin on his face, and seemed very excited. I went back to hanging up clothes and periodically glanced over at him when he suddenly stated, “All gone.” Just like that he went back to playing the iPad and didn’t bring her name up again.
It made me wonder…
(Preslee, March 2010)
Lately, there have been nights when Ledger has been in bed and we hear him talking a little differently than usual. One night I was about to go in to tell him to go to sleep, when the thought came to mind, “Let him be.” I turned on the video monitor, and it seemed like he was having a conversation. He stared at one spot the entire time, jabbered, then paused as if listening, and then jabbered some more. This continued for quite awhile. Every time he does this I continue to wonder…
(Ledger, Sept. 2013)
It’s no secret when I became pregnant with Ledger I feared that he would never know who his sister was. To my amazement, I received e-mails and had many conversations with people who all shared their experiences with losing an older sibling. Each one stated that their relationship with their sibling continued after their death. I heard many miraculous stories, which all testified that death isn’t the end. I drastically hope one day our boys will have at least one experience of their own to remember.
(Ledger, July 2012)
When Patrick and I get to the other side, I know we will both be amazed at how often Preslee was here with us. I think we all will be amazed at how much help we received from the other side.
But until I reach that point, I will continue to wonder.