Even though it’s been three years since Preslee passed away, sometimes I find it difficult to read other Angel Mom’s blogs who are at the beginning their unexpected journey. Their posts take me back to those incredibly hard moments, allowing my emotions to resurface. But then sometimes those blogs remind me of how my trials molded me into a different person, and I remember the importance lessons I was taught.
Andrae is a fellow Angel Mom, and while reading her blog, I often feel like she’s tapped right into my journal, and we’ve shared the same experiences, just with different people and in different places. The post she is sharing today, was written last Spring, and when I read it, I was reminded of one of the more important lessons I learned that difficult first year we lived without Preslee.
My name is Andrae Kelly. I am humbled and honored that Ashley would ask me to be a guest on her blog. She has reached out to me during such a hard time in my life and helped lift me up when my struggle with grief has been so hard. I live in SLC, UT with my little family of five. I am married to a kind and loving husband, Mark. I am a mother to three beautiful children. Our first-born child, Miles, now watches over us from heaven while our second child, Vivian, keeps us running every day and our third child, Clara, came to us during a difficult time in our lives after losing our first son. Each of our children are special blessings to our family.
We lost our sweet son Miles October 15, 2012. Miles passed away from complications from a near drowning accident while at a family reunion in Park City, Utah. He was four years old and one month to the day of his accident. After two terribly long and hard days in the hospital Mark and I had to make the hardest decision of our lives; to let our son move on to his greater mission in the spirit world. Miles took his last breath in this mortal world in our arms. It was such a sacred moment we will never forget.
Losing Miles has been the hardest trial of our lives. Daily we find ourselves trying to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts and try to make sense of new life. Although we can no longer hold Miles in our arms, we feel him close and try to live our lives in a manner that would make him proud. We look forward to the day we will be a whole and complete family again; with each of our children around us embraced in love.
I've often catch a glimpse of an older lady who lives in our complex stopping and scowling at my window.
She then sometimes walks off shaking her head.
I don't know her, but I know she is a tidy lady.
So I'm sure she doesn't appreciate that it is springtime and I still have Halloween up in my window.
I'm sure she didn't like that I had a spring banner up along with the Halloween decals for Easter.
The thing is Mark and I can't seem to take these Halloween decals down.
Miles' put them up just weeks before he passed.
He would spend each day rearranging them ever so carefully.
He loved them.
He was so excited for Halloween.
If only this neighbor knew why we still have Halloween in our window during the spring.
If only she knew that during the winter I would boil water just to steam up the windows in the house to see all his little handprints that cover the window.
Handprints that I can't bring myself to clean off, even if less light comes into the house.
I love that dirty Halloween window.
I may keep it that way as long as we live here.
If only she knew all this, I'm sure she wouldn't scowl at my window anymore.
She may even love them as we do.
Through the loss of Miles we have and are learning many valuable lessons in life.
One of which is judgment.
Who am I to judge another?
I don't know their trials in life.
I don't know why they are in the situation they are in.
I don't know the cause for their actions, dress, behavior and more.
Instead I do know that there is a story behind each person.
That's what I try to say now, "that's a story" instead of something mean or judgmental about someone.
I often find myself out in public really looking at people.
Trying to read their soul I guess.
(It hasn't worked yet, and I'm not too sure I would want this power anyway.)
I look at them and wonder what trial they are up against.
What is their hardship right now?
Everyone has one. Everyone.
I even find myself looking at older women wondering if they too have lost a child.
Then I wonder, if so, how have they lived so long with the heartache?
When I do this I find myself loving people so much more.
I have more patience with them and even myself.
Marvin J. Ashton wrote " If we could look into each other's hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance and care."
Mark and I aren't perfect. It's not always easy not to judge another.
But it is something we work hard on everyday.
I don't want people to judge me when they don't know all the details of my life.
So I in turn shouldn't judge them, right?
I can't help but think what a better and loving world it would be if we all judged a little less harshly and in turn just loved one another more.
Andrae blogs at http://amkelly.blogspot.com
Other Posts in this series: