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Home Death-Child Death-Spouse Disabilities friends grief Guest Post {Guest Post} Lisa King

{Guest Post} Lisa King

After losing Preslee, many other 'angel mom's' (Mother's who have lost children) made an effort to reach out to me. Over the past two years, I've tried to do the same, and have developed relationships with many different ladies. Nearly a year ago, a reader shared a link to Lisa King's Story, and since then, Lisa and I have become friends- friends via internet, because Lisa lives in Australia. (I only wish I could make a trip to Australia to meet her) Nevertheless, Lisa's courage to continue forward not only without her son Noah, but without her husband Aaron is truly inspiring. As I watch her picture updates on Instagram, I can't help but notice the incredible example she is setting for her boys, and many others like me.

Lisa continually inspires me, and therefore I wanted to introduce her to all of you. 
I've asked Lisa to share her experience with grief...

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I have heard the term ‘angel Mum’ many times over the last ten years. I knew for ten years that my son Noah would pass away young and that I would be known as an ‘angel Mum’.  Noah was born with a condition called hydrancephaly which meant he was missing most of his cortex (brain).

Even though we knew that he would one day pass away, we were not at all prepared to say goodbye to him just over twelve months ago. We thought that he was going to surprise the doctors once again by pulling through his latest illness. Instead we had to make the heart breaking decision to turn off his life support as his body was shutting down, and he let us know that it was time. We were blessed with six years longer than the doctors predicted, but ten years was not at all long enough with him.
I believe that I should’ve been known as an ‘angel Mum’ even before Noah passed away because we really were blessed to be the parents to an angel on earth. We were blessed to have such a perfect spirit in our family. He was adored by his three brothers - Jalen who is thirteen, Harri who is eight and Kobe who is four, and my husband Aaron and I.

I thought that knowing that he would pass away one day would prepare me a little for what it would be like when he did pass away. In some ways it did, but in many ways I had no idea how grief can affect someone physically as well as emotionally.
Less than four months after Noah passed away my husband Aaron had a massive heart attack and passed away right in front of me. It's still hard to believe that it has happened even as I type this.

So now I'm known as an angel Mum as well as a widow. I think that the term 'angel wife' sounds much nicer than ‘widow’.  In some ways having Noah pass away before Aaron prepared me for what was to come with grieving, but the hardest thing to even try to explain to others is how I grieve for them both at once.  Grieving for them both at the same time is almost impossible and I feel like my brain has kind of shut itself off from feeling so much pain at once, because it would be too much to bear.

Before Noah passed away I imagined that grief would be me lying in bed sobbing all day, but it’s been nothing like that. Instead I've learnt that life unfortunately doesn’t stop when someone passes away. My other boys need me more than ever, I need to go to work, we need to do all the things that necessary to just function every day.


Each and every day is hard to continue on without Noah and Aaron, but as hard as it is, I have made choices to help me to get through the days, weeks, and months without them.

When someone passes away every day is hard, but certain days are harder than others -  birthdays (of those who passed away as well as our own birthdays that we have to now celebrate without them), Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, the date each month that means it’s another month gone by since they passed away, and especially weekends because it was when we would all be together as a family.

After Aaron passed away I decided that although these days would be extra hard, we would do everything that we could as a family to make them as happy as possible. Sitting around the house on those days would be the worst thing we could do, so instead we have decided to go away if possible, and plan to do some fun things.

Needless to say this year we have been away more than ever!  It doesn’t necessarily stop us feeling sad, but we now have a lot of really happy memories from the hardest year of our lives.

We released balloons in the snow on the top of a mountain on Noah’s birthday, we went away on a very special holiday Kobe’s birthday, we went away and stayed in a very special hotel over the weekend of the twelve month anniversary since Noah passed away, and for Christmas we plan on celebrating it somewhere different with my extended family, because doing what we would normally do as a family will just be too hard.
Even though it’s getting close to the twelve month anniversary since Aaron passed away, it is not at all any easier. The shock is wearing off and reality is sinking in which means it’s harder now than ever before. On days when it’s really hard I often think I could just curl up in a ball and stay in bed, but my boys need me and I have faith that one day things won’t be as hard.

On those days I have a good cry, but then we go out and try to do something fun together.  It’s not that we are trying to avoid the feelings that we are experiencing, but I have learnt that getting out and doing something different and fun, makes the days bearable.

Some days getting out and doing something fun together is the last thing that I want to do, but when we make the effort to do it, we always end up having fun and are so glad that we did it because it gives us some respite from the sadness that we constantly feel.

I hope in years to come that my boys will not only remember this as the hardest year(s) of their lives, but will also have a lot of happy memories as we try to create a new normal together. 


You can read Lisa's blog here.
// Labels: Death-Child, Death-Spouse, Disabilities, friends, grief, Guest Post
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35 comments:

  1. UnknownNovember 21, 2012 at 7:25 AM

    Such an amazing woman, wife & mom. Very strong & courageous family to keep going I know her kids will look back and be proud they have such a strong & loving mom.

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    1. The KingsNovember 25, 2012 at 2:43 AM

      Thank you so much Marie. xx

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  2. Kimba November 21, 2012 at 8:34 AM

    You never fail to bring me to tears. I follow your blog because I feel the spirit so strongly as you share such personal experiences. There have been countless times when I have read what you've posted for that day and I have been deeply grateful the Lord works His miracles through His children. Though I cannot relate with you and the loss of your daughter, I have truly felt the power of the spirit that you hold. I strive each day to be a better mother, wife, and friend. To cherish each day. This life is truly a gift from God and I am grateful to have a loving Heavenly Father who knows us perfectly and knows how to reach us in the perfect moments. Your words have been the source to many of those moments for me. Thank you.
    My heart continues to hold prayers for you and your family. As the year mark is coming from the passing of my uncle, who passed young and unexpected, leaving behind his wife, two married children, a son on a mission, a son at home, and the rest of us grieving for his presence again, I am reminded once again to have faith that the Lord's plan is perfect and will provide for us peace when we need most. And on that glorious day, all will be made well once again.

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    1. The KingsNovember 25, 2012 at 2:44 AM

      Thank you Kim. I'm not sure if this comment is meant for me or Ashley but thanks so much for your kind words, xxx

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    2. Kimba November 26, 2012 at 10:40 AM

      It was most definitely meant for both, sorry should have clarified! :)

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  3. Melissa Baker PhotographyNovember 21, 2012 at 8:51 AM

    WOW, no words, i've heard that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, another life lesson to the rest of us... many blessings to your family

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  4. AngieNovember 21, 2012 at 9:06 AM

    I've been following Lisa's blog since January and I marvel at her strength. Angel mom's are amazing, you have no idea how much you inspire other's to do better. Thank you so much for sharing your lives and allowing a glimpse into what a true survivor is. Many prayers and hugs...

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    1. The KingsNovember 25, 2012 at 2:45 AM

      Thank you Angie xxx

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  5. JNovember 21, 2012 at 9:42 AM

    WOW total inspirational XX

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  6. Trent and StacieNovember 21, 2012 at 11:18 AM

    Wow! You and Lisa are just amazing! I am learning so much by reading our blog. Thanks so much for sharing your life with us!

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    1. The KingsNovember 25, 2012 at 2:42 AM

      Thank you so much xxx

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  7. Auntie EMNovember 21, 2012 at 11:47 AM

    Lisa seems like an incredible mother and woman. Wow...what a heartache it must be for her to have lost a child and her husband. I think we all look to other people who can be our champions, our heroes, our go-to person...Lisa could be that for any of us...someone who has gone through incredible loss but found a way to keep going for herself and for her sons. I loved how she said "we would do everything that we could as a family to make them (the days)as happy as possible." It is very good advice for anyone who has to go through loss. Obviously, there is a period of utter hopelessness, sadness, and grief but then....life HAS to go on, for that person, for their loved ones, even for the person who they lost. I know it sounds so callous to say that the person who passed away would not want us to be sad but it is so true. For me, I found a way to be happy (well, most of the time) because my husband was so darn funny and a joy to be around. The last thing he would want for me is to cry and be sad every single day for the rest of my life. I know it is different with the loss of a child because it is about all the hopes and dreams that are dashed to pieces and only a short list of memories that are left behind but I believe even the little children are aware of their parents and loved ones and they, too, would want them to find a way to be happy again. You too are an inspiration to many people, Ashley. When I read your blog, I can easily see that the faith and love you have for your Heavenly Father and for your family has helped make it possible for you to influence others and it has made you a strong woman. Thanks for sharing about Lisa and it will help me be doubely thankful for the many things that make life good.

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    1. The KingsNovember 25, 2012 at 2:42 AM

      Thank you for your very kind words. My husband was also very funny and I know he would hate for me to be sad all the time.

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  8. Trisha LarsonNovember 21, 2012 at 11:55 AM

    Lisa...you are an angel here on Earth! God bless you and your family. I too am an angel mom and I pray every day not to be an angel wife. Once tragedy strikes it's hard to not feel vulnerable. You are doing good sweet mama. I hope that you can see that and how proud I'm sure that your family is of you for not giving up. Keep fighting through and God will bring the sunshine back :)

    Hugs,
    Trisha

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    1. The KingsNovember 25, 2012 at 2:41 AM

      That's for sure Trisha. I'm waiting for something else to happen because I now think 'why not' as I never could've imagined this would happen. Thanks for your kind words. xxxx

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  9. Chelsea NicoleNovember 21, 2012 at 7:54 PM

    Wow, super inspiring. So much that I can't even find words to express it... I strive to be like you, Lisa, and have such an amazing outlook on life. Thanks Ash for inviting her to blog talk to us :) You're awesome

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    1. The KingsNovember 25, 2012 at 2:40 AM

      Thank you Chelsea. I wish that my life was very different, but am trying to make the best of it as much as I can.

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  10. Tamatha BanksNovember 21, 2012 at 8:52 PM

    I have read her story before and it still breaks my heart every time I read it! She is also such an example of strength and perseverance in the face of adversity. I only hope to be able to face all of my trials with such clarity and grace. Thank you for continuing to show us the better path and that there really is a way through everything, through our Saviour Jesus Christ. I am humbled once again.

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  11. Tamatha BanksNovember 21, 2012 at 8:52 PM

    I have read her story before and it still breaks my heart every time I read it! She is also such an example of strength and perseverance in the face of adversity. I only hope to be able to face all of my trials with such clarity and grace. Thank you for continuing to show us the better path and that there really is a way through everything, through our Saviour Jesus Christ. I am humbled once again.

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    1. The KingsNovember 28, 2012 at 1:34 PM

      Thanks so much for your lovely comment xxx

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  12. Kennedy KlanNovember 21, 2012 at 10:01 PM

    What an Amazing post for all of us to learn from, you Angel Mom's amaze me by your incredible strength and Faith. My prayers go out to you all this time of year, god bless you and your sweet families.

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    1. The KingsNovember 28, 2012 at 1:34 PM

      Thank you. It means a lot xxx

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  13. UnknownNovember 22, 2012 at 1:09 AM

    Beautiful as always Lisa. I feel blessed to have you as a friend. Thank you Ashley for sharing Lisa's story and your own, you are both 'angels'.

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    1. The KingsNovember 25, 2012 at 2:39 AM

      Thanks Lisa. xxxx

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  14. AmyNovember 22, 2012 at 8:53 PM

    Lisa you are an amazing woman. I too hope your boys can look back and remember the good memories you created during these very dark times.

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    1. The KingsNovember 25, 2012 at 2:39 AM

      Thank you so much Amy xx

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  15. BridgetNovember 22, 2012 at 10:06 PM

    Unbelievably heart wrenching. Wow. Lisa, my prayers are with you and your family.

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  16. Simone TriffittNovember 22, 2012 at 10:37 PM

    What a privilege it is to know you Lisa. It is hard to believe the journey your life has now taken you on but to watch you do it with grace and love and selflessness for your boys, is exceptional and unique.

    I am so thankful for coming across your blog Ashley and for everything you teach me, from sharing your beautiful Preslee with us and just for being you.

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  17. The WinwardsNovember 23, 2012 at 6:51 PM

    Dear Ashley,
    I have been reading your blog for a while now and have been so inspired by you and your stories. I have now been at the UofU hospital in the ICU burn until with my 7 year old son. He was walking home from school and was involved in a terrible fire accident. He is still here with us and I am so greatful, but it is a struggle for him every day. Somedays I feel like I can't do this anymore, and why me. But then I always think back to you and the strength and courage you have. I just needed to tell you how grateful I am to you and even though we don't know each other, you have blessed my life so much. I know my little guy will make it through this. I am so proud to be his mom, but thank you again.

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  18. JennieNovember 26, 2012 at 10:44 AM

    I actually found Lisa's blog from a comment someone posted on your blog in January or February as well. Her story absolutely breaks my heart and I am astounded by the strength that she has. She and her family are some of the most beautiful people I've ever read about. I pray for these grieving families, including yours and Lisa's whenever I click over onto your blogs , because your stories hurt my soul. Totally irrelevent, but whenever I read Lisa's blog, the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls ALWAYS pops in my head. And then I bawl my eyes out.

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    1. The KingsNovember 28, 2012 at 1:33 PM

      Thank you Jennie. That song sure is a tear jerker hey?! Thanks for taking the time to come back and read my blog. It means a lot to know that people care and want to know how we are doing.

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  19. UnknownNovember 26, 2012 at 10:56 AM

    Wow!! Thank you to both of you for being so willing to share! I needed to hear that! Often times we think we are alone in our suffering but we are not! Even though I have never physically met either of you! I love you and admire your strength and courage to keep going!!

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  20. tammillNovember 26, 2012 at 11:28 PM

    Ashley...I started following Lisa's blog from when I came across your blog and shared my story with you as I was so touched by your strength and testimony after the loss of your beautiful Preslee. I wondered if I would find such strength to carry on after my 14 year old daughter, Jorden was killed in a single car accident that claimed the lives of 3 of her friends also. I was so drawn to your blog as well as Lisa's.
    It's been just over 13 months since my daughter passed away and as Lisa stated, her other children needed her. You have to keep living and its what I've had to do for my three other children as well. I can not even for one minute imagine Lisa's grief (Lisa, you and your family have been in my prayers) but I can understand when she said that Noah's passing prepared her for what was to come. There is no comparison for my grief with Lisa's but I felt the same way when she said that. My dad passed away on my birthday Dec 2010 and my daughter passed away just 9.5 months after him. His passing definitely prepared the way for me to get thru this grieving process.
    I am so grateful for both Ashley and Lisa for sharing their stories---and their testimonies. You both have been an example to me through this grieving process and I admire you both for your strength and love of the gospel. You both are amazing!!
    As we were going thru the one year anniversary and my husband was having a hard time, I said to him, just think of it this way....we are one year closer to being with Jorden. We will be together...forever...someday.

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    1. The KingsNovember 28, 2012 at 1:32 PM

      Hi Tammill. Thanks so much for your lovely comment. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. I can't imagine what that must be like to lose someone in an accident like that. Have you read 'let it go'? I just read it and loved it. I also think that as time goes on it may be harder as we miss them more, but it also means we are closer to being with then again.

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  21. UnknownJanuary 24, 2013 at 9:48 AM

    Oh, brilliant! This is such a useful post, thank you for letting us know! :) toronto escort

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Hi, we're the Sullengers! Life turned upside down for us in 2010 when we lost our daughter in an accidental drowning. Since then, we've documented our highs (life with all five of our kids) and our lows (struggles with grief) but amongst everthing we've experienced, we know as long as we hold on to one another we can get through anything that comes our way. Read More. . .

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