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Home Ashley grief Patrick Four Years

Four Years

Pat grabbed the cash and was ready to go. :)


Right before our wedding, a little sweet lady in the temple gave us advice.

"Never use the word divorce from here on out. It isn't worth it. If that word doesn't exist in your marriage, it will never be an option."

Statistics show that 80% of couples who lose children end up separating or in divorce. Many people shared this info with us right after we lost Preslee... to be honest it offended me, I wondered what they were getting at. But now I understand that they knew the stress that was coming and how hard it would be on our marriage.

Over the past year those words continually circulated through our heads. But from day one, we made it our goal to put the other one first. The first few months I made it my goal to serve Pat in an unexpected way everyday. (You love those you serve) Don't get me wrong, it was hard. But overcoming those challenges together made us stronger. Before the accident we used to bicker, and we definitely had our moments arguing. But last year, when we were barely getting through each day, little fights and arguments weren't worth it, it took way too much energy. Losing a child will definitely make you grow as a couple if you allow it to.

I still feel lucky to be Patrick's wife. He's been incredibly patient with me, especially those nights when he'd walk into our bedroom and find me crying on the bed while holding Preslee's blanket. He'd drop whatever he was doing and usually find a way to make me laugh before I fell asleep. I'm definitely lucky to have him in my life.

Happy anniversary babe. I love you!
// Labels: Ashley, grief, Patrick
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32 comments:

  1. Berry TauferAugust 3, 2011 at 1:49 PM

    I don't know if you set it this way, but Today Was a Fairytale was the 1st song playing when I came to your blog today! Congrats to both of you! I just celebrated my 5 year with my husband! We haven't been through anything compared to what you & Pat have, but anything over 2 years, sadly, in this time is an accomplishment! I am so happy that you two have been able to grow as a couple through this incredibly hard time, EVERYONE should learn from your guys example!
    LOL, now Love Story is playing!!
    You two are definitely meant for each other!
    Love from Idaho Falls...

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  2. caseypAugust 3, 2011 at 1:54 PM

    I came across your post last year and could feel the Lord on you and your marriage! I am beyond amazed at you and your husbands strength! I know through the Lord you will both be ok! Keep fighting the fight and most of all stay in the lord and his wants for you,Pat and mostly Ledger. Your Love for one another is soo apparent in all ways!!! May the Lord continue to bless you today and AlWAYS!!!

    Casey Weatherford

    South Carolina

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  3. Heather and SpencerAugust 3, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    Happy Anniversary!

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  4. AnonymousAugust 3, 2011 at 2:29 PM

    Today is my anniversary, too...21 years and going strong. You don't know me, but I've followed your blog since the accident (I live in Idaho Falls), and you and your hubby are my heroes. You both are stronger than you realize...and I admire y'alls courage and strength. May you continue to grow each day, and enjoy your new little bundle and each other forever and always.

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  5. LisaAugust 3, 2011 at 2:50 PM

    Happy Anniversary Pat and Ashley! I hope you guys have a great day enjoying each other and celebrating your marriage. You are an inspiration to me and I am a better mother and wife thanks to you guys!

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  6. AnonymousAugust 3, 2011 at 2:50 PM

    Happy Anniversary! I've been following since the accident as well. Your whole family is amazing. All of them. You, your husband, Preslee, and Ledger. Much love to you and your family today and everyday.

    Ashley from Tucson, AZ

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  7. tianaAugust 3, 2011 at 3:39 PM

    Happy Anniversary!! I love the picture, you are so cute. What a sweet post, I'm so glad you two have eachother.

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  8. LinsyAugust 3, 2011 at 3:59 PM

    Happy anniversary you two!!! So happy that Pat chose you... we are so greatful to have you in our family! I couldn't ask for two better sister-in-laws then you and Cara. Enjoy today and make a memory. I love you guys!

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  9. RebekahAugust 3, 2011 at 4:24 PM

    This is a totally unrelated comment. You don't know me. I live in West Jordan, Utah. I got directed to your blog from Facebook shortly after Preslee's accident. I showed it to my sister. She just had a miscarriage and had to deliver the baby yesterday. She wrote on her blog how your phrase "I can do hard things" has helped her through this trial. So thank you, even though you have no idea who I am, and I am a voyeur in your life, your blog and story have helped and made a difference in my life and so many others. You really are an inspiration and I look forward to your posts. Thank you!

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  10. the h fam.August 3, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    happy anniversary you two little love birds! glad you both have each other. you are both amazing people and examples to so many!

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  11. L!$@August 3, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    Happy Anniversary!! :D So glad that life's trials have brought you closer.

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  12. KashAugust 3, 2011 at 5:50 PM

    I hope you order some takeout and enjoy your anniversary! We love you guys and your example!

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  13. UnknownAugust 3, 2011 at 6:00 PM

    I just have to thank your for your testimony and your blog. I went to bed last night with the comforting words on I read on your blog, "I can do hard things" yesterday I had to deliver my miscarriage and I know I can handle it and there are better days to come!

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  14. NyreeAugust 3, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    This picture is just the greatest!! You guys have taught me so many lessons this past year. Thanks for another one today. I'm sure that the cute little lady's advice will come back to my mind. Thanks for sharing it. Without marriage where would families be? You guys are so darling together. Pat seems like such a fantastic guy and I'm so glad you have his strength to help you through this hard time. I'm sure he feels the same about you. Happy Anniversary you two! I hope it's absolutely fantastic!!

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  15. Kenzie - Ryan - Livee- EmmelineAugust 3, 2011 at 7:53 PM

    I love this post. You guys are so strong and such good examples. I hope you have a great day. You guys deserve every blessing you get. Ledger is adorable by the way! You make me want to be better.

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  16. AmishkaAugust 3, 2011 at 10:17 PM

    Happy Anniversary!

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  17. Lea and her MustangsAugust 3, 2011 at 10:35 PM

    Happy Anniversary. I am blessed you made it through such a terrible time and let it draw you closer. It did us when we lost each of the two children we have lost. And we have made it 53 1/2 years. Bless you big bunches and what a sweet baby boy you have.

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  18. Elk DressesAugust 3, 2011 at 11:39 PM

    Happy Anniversary. You inspire me.

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  19. RosalieAugust 4, 2011 at 7:29 AM

    Wahoo! Happy Anniversary you guys! That is awesome! Thank you for that quote from the sweet sister in the Temple. Being divorced and remarried that means alot to me. I made plenty of mistakes in my first marriage and I learned a ton. Going into my second (which I know has a higher divorce rate than the first) I vowed to do things differently, ALOT of things different. I know how hard marriage can be and I know that Satan is ALWAYS at the ready to destroy us if we let him!

    Thank you for your strength and for sharing your thoughts! You guys are awesome and always in our prayers!

    Again, Happy Anniversary you two!

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  20. AnonymousAugust 4, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    Happy Anniversay... My Husband and I are celebrating our 5 year Anniversary today as well!! Congrats to the both of you. My friend led me to your blog when the accident first happend and I have been following it ever since, you are truly a strong and inspirational person. My son just turned three in May and I couldn't imagine what you had went through. Your story has truly touched my heart and your family will continue to be in my prayers throughout this amazing new journey you are about to go through.

    Continued Prayers from California..
    Lisa

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  21. Tamatha BanksAugust 4, 2011 at 9:19 AM

    Happy Anniversary Pat and Ashley. I am so happy to know that through this experience you have been able to draw closer to one another and feel of the love the Lord has for both of you. The advice you received was smart and something that we could all do well to remember. I have been married 12 years now and it is something that we have never said or even considered. You HAVE done hard things, so together you can do anything!!!

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  22. KacieAugust 4, 2011 at 9:46 AM

    Happy Anniversary! I can only imagine how hard it would be! It's hard without a huge trial in your life. I'm glad you guys have kept going strong and have fought the odds to be in that 20% who do make it! Always thinking of you guys!

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  23. UnknownAugust 4, 2011 at 12:16 PM

    wow those are beautiful words...congratulations!

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  24. AnonymousAugust 4, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    I am not sure what I felt I need to write, but I wanted to tell you, your love and devotion and strength and everything is beautiful. and this post made me cry with all kinds of emotion. happy 4th anniversary!

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  25. Kristin and JayAugust 4, 2011 at 4:24 PM

    I always learn something from you posts. I love it! You are an amazing person and an amazing example to me and to all that read your blog! Thank you for all the lessons you are teaching us! I was visiting from Boise last weekend and I saw you in Rexburg at that antique show thing. I looked up and it was like seeing a celebrity! =) All I wanted to do was give you a big hug for all you've been through.....but decided against being the creepy stranger that would probably scare you away....HAHA! Anyways, thanks again for being you!

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  26. BreeAugust 4, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    You have touched my heart. *hugs* I have read your blog a few times and my heart aches for you. What a wonderful mother you are!

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  27. BrittanieAugust 4, 2011 at 4:43 PM

    My husband and I spread our first child's ashes on our first anniversary. We have always said if we could make it through that, we could make it through anything. I agree though, it takes a lot of effort to serve each other through such a difficult time. Grief is such a selfish thing, and a marriage can't last through selfishness.

    I hope you two had a happy anniversary!

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  28. UnknownAugust 4, 2011 at 4:44 PM

    We lost our baby last September and I understand what you mean by the things your argued over before aren't even worth it now. My marriage has grown since we lost our daughter too. Happy Anniversary!

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  29. onlymehereAugust 5, 2011 at 6:21 AM

    The lady in the temple gave you some of the best advice I've ever heard. Having that eternal perspective keeps things in focus too. Happy anniversary to the both of you! Your little guy is certainly growing fast and is so dang cute!

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  30. AnonymousAugust 5, 2011 at 3:08 PM

    What a wonderful, uplifting post!! Thank you for your wisdom. And Happy Anniversary.:)

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  31. My 4 GoochesAugust 6, 2011 at 8:50 AM

    Happy Anniversary! That's so great and I'm really impressed with how you two have dealt with things together this past year. Even though this trial is incredibly difficult, you two have been learning things that God would have you learn, one being how to improve your marriage. The faster you learn and the stronger you are through your trials, the quicker it will pass (that's been my motivation through things).
    Congratulations guys! Preslee and Ledger are lucky little kids to have you two forever!

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  32. LesleyAugust 7, 2011 at 5:09 PM

    Thank you for sharing your blog. I am very happy and grateful that I am part of the 20%. I hope you both had a wonderful anniverary!

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Hi, we're the Sullengers! Life turned upside down for us in 2010 when we lost our daughter in an accidental drowning. Since then, we've documented our highs (life with all five of our kids) and our lows (struggles with grief) but amongst everthing we've experienced, we know as long as we hold on to one another we can get through anything that comes our way. Read More. . .

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