tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post1705097246759117139..comments2023-12-11T03:16:39.973-07:00Comments on The Sullengers: What to Say (and Not Say) to Someone at a ViewingAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17807238490395570269noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-75359988363326455032014-08-17T19:42:46.459-06:002014-08-17T19:42:46.459-06:00I've had a front row seat to the do not list w...I've had a front row seat to the do not list when my teenage brother passed away from cancer.<br />Do not do: say things like "at least you knew he was going to die." Or "give me a call if you need something." I did not have the emotional energy to organize would-be-helpers and try to figure out how people could help. If someone wants to be helpful be specific on what Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07086859305672988294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-10431387773363930152014-06-08T23:37:08.690-06:002014-06-08T23:37:08.690-06:00I came back to re-read this post tonight because, ...I came back to re-read this post tonight because, unfortunately, I'm going to be attending the funeral of my childhood friend's son. He was only 5 years old and I want to show him my support but I also don't want to say something stupid. Thanks so much for all of your wonderful insights.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11048675870041587173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-28678746693599004532014-06-03T10:02:19.371-06:002014-06-03T10:02:19.371-06:00http://www.gofundme.com/flyhighaidenjace
Dearest ...http://www.gofundme.com/flyhighaidenjace<br /><br />Dearest Ashley- I have followed your blog for several years after stumbling upon it while I was trying to find comfort after my 7 month old passed away. I don't usually post , just read. Thank you for the wisdom and faith you share with others. Just recently in a small town in ohio a 2 year old passed away. I just wanted to share, his Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01312124574293719578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-41556237549287152852014-05-31T17:14:56.507-06:002014-05-31T17:14:56.507-06:00Thank you so much for sharing this! I appreciate i...Thank you so much for sharing this! I appreciate it!Camilla Kellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01955844318220644005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-27218119777195100962014-05-25T13:04:47.223-06:002014-05-25T13:04:47.223-06:00My parents lost a child and I was sharing this pos...My parents lost a child and I was sharing this post with her and she wanted me to add her 2 cents. She has 8 children and several people said to her, "well at least you have 7 other children!" No one replaces the child, spouse, parent etc. that passes from us. I love your blog. Thank you for sharing!ourbanksaccounthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17162077858781881764noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-59529464509517411962014-05-24T10:46:47.698-06:002014-05-24T10:46:47.698-06:00That was a very eye opening and informative post. ...That was a very eye opening and informative post. I have learned after being to many many funerals in my 56 yrs, for old people (my husbands grandmother 105) to children as young as my cousins son at 20 months to say very little,except "I am so very sorry". I remember like it was yesterday 28 yrs ago when my friend (next door neighbors) 18 yr old son died in a tragic jeep accident 4 Dina Ochshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04230730450408831366noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-60734235286328426562014-05-24T08:27:17.217-06:002014-05-24T08:27:17.217-06:00I've never commented on your blog before- I wa...I've never commented on your blog before- I was attending BYU-I when I heard about your little girl. Your blog is inspirational, I love keeping up with it. Anyways, I lost my dad a week before my high school graduation to a drowning (he had a seizure in our hot tub while alone). I agree that seeing others cry was a comfort to me. My dad was a scout leader for years, and to see those boys cry Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01525379849520784592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-25066408420270535832014-05-22T22:00:08.179-06:002014-05-22T22:00:08.179-06:00Ashley, Thank you so much for sharing this! I shar...Ashley, Thank you so much for sharing this! I shared it on our non-profits Facebook page. Great advice. I don't think people realize how exhausting the viewing/ funeral really is. Our 9 month old, Ellie, died suddenly from a bacterial bloodstream infection. We were in the hospital for less than a day. That alone is exhausting. I understand that everyone wants a chance to comfort the grieving,Tiffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00136730311790093702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-77856893051538721222014-05-22T19:23:03.723-06:002014-05-22T19:23:03.723-06:00I had more than one person say "at least he d...I had more than one person say "at least he died so young, before you had a chance to really get attached." Are you kidding me?! That wasn't helpful. Then I had a few say " I'm so sorry, this just totally sucks." That actually did help some because it certainly did suckAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05327574737954838250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-38265941824061083832014-05-22T13:41:03.641-06:002014-05-22T13:41:03.641-06:00I just lost my mom suddenly a few months ago. I t...<br />I just lost my mom suddenly a few months ago. I think I finally figured out why the family doesn't cry at the viewings. I had been living the tragedy since it happened and as I would experience the "firsts" of everything I cried and my emotions overtook me. As the "firsts" happened I was crying, (seeing the body for the first time, preparing the body, seeing the Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07287177123031158699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-42717082759039714622014-05-22T12:53:08.114-06:002014-05-22T12:53:08.114-06:00We don't really do viewings in Scotland but lo...We don't really do viewings in Scotland but lots of these thing applied to my son's funeral. He died suddenly at the age of five in December 2011. We were told we were so strong and people tried to make small talk in the line up. What touched me more than anything else were the friends from school who I hadn't seen for years and especially the big emotional stunted Scotsmen who were Fionahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13399925686679550250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-63021132107631320502014-05-21T21:16:37.812-06:002014-05-21T21:16:37.812-06:00I lost my daughter after a car accident at 37 week...I lost my daughter after a car accident at 37 weeks pregnant almost 7 months ago. I am experiencing those type comments as well. "You can try again in a few months" and "she just wasn't meant to be" and "oh at least it happened now instead of in 5 or 10 years" are the ones I hear most often. I know the people mean well, but oh it stings straight to the core. EvenKrystihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15917767755556463165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-22755772813336927142014-05-21T20:20:05.959-06:002014-05-21T20:20:05.959-06:00At my Mom's viewing I had someone tell me she ...At my Mom's viewing I had someone tell me she looked terrible....she went on to say, because it's not her and she isn't talking....and that she expected her to sit up and talk. I'm sure the person did not mean it as it sounded, but it sounded awful. I also had someone stop me in the hall at church and ask if this had been hard--I wanted to say "do you just want me to break Staci Lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05151960397124729087noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-75005441214505033072014-05-21T20:19:33.034-06:002014-05-21T20:19:33.034-06:00Thanks so much for sharing. I agree with everythi...Thanks so much for sharing. I agree with everything you said. I especially love when you said, "When in doubt about attending the viewing, go." Thirteen years and three years after my brothers' passing, I can remember who came and who didn't. We received such wonderful support from so many that it made me become more aware of supporting others in their times of need. <br />Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16732540504177015985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-12492017736045105942014-05-21T20:18:53.293-06:002014-05-21T20:18:53.293-06:00Thanks so much for sharing. I agree with everythi...Thanks so much for sharing. I agree with everything you said. I especially love when you said, "When in doubt about attending the viewing, go." Thirteen years and three years after my brothers' passing, I can remember who came and who didn't. We received such wonderful support from so many that it made me become more aware of supporting others in their times of need. <br />Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16732540504177015985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-45285711450475766612014-05-21T19:56:29.229-06:002014-05-21T19:56:29.229-06:00The one I don't like is "I don't know...The one I don't like is "I don't know how you do it, I could not live without my child". Ok, I must be an inferior mother because I continue to live.steviehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00138211978091029250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-37327591092862814492014-05-21T19:06:06.161-06:002014-05-21T19:06:06.161-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.Berry Tauferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06042711738564755845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-35888784617724318272014-05-21T18:50:30.743-06:002014-05-21T18:50:30.743-06:00I loved everything about this post!! My grandma pa...I loved everything about this post!! My grandma passed away a little over 7 months ago. She was like a mom to me & the sting is still there. 1 thing I began to resent hearing was "... She's in a better place..." I know that to be true & I know I will see her again some day, but hearing it didn't feel good for me. Even though she is no longer hurting here & probaby inBerry Tauferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06042711738564755845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-8661301140113515862014-05-21T18:01:10.142-06:002014-05-21T18:01:10.142-06:00Thank you Ashley. I love reading your blog and am ...Thank you Ashley. I love reading your blog and am surprised at how often I think of you and your family. The only viewings I have ever really experienced were for distant friends and great grandparents, so I know it could and will be different someday. happyharthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06934304485943786807noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-7364565046644001722014-05-21T13:59:10.710-06:002014-05-21T13:59:10.710-06:00Sometimes words are not needed....like Stephanie s...Sometimes words are not needed....like Stephanie said, hugs for me felt so warm and helpful when my husband passed away. No matter who we've lost, we will never ever know how you feel because only you and Pat lost your precious daughter. She was your daughter and no one else's. Same with me....I know how many people love and miss my husband but he was only MY husband and no one else'Auntie EMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12817854093078111017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-43025432567578993372014-05-21T12:04:53.884-06:002014-05-21T12:04:53.884-06:00I don't know you, but I found your blog a coup...I don't know you, but I found your blog a couple of months before your article came out in the Ensign. I wanted to tell you that I think you are amazing! Your family's story is heart-wrenching, and yet you have so much poise and kindness when sharing about it. <br /><br />I am a mother and truly cannot imagine losing one of them. What struck me was your previous reply that says, "Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03214844770244222552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-37618561609864133442014-05-21T11:47:28.299-06:002014-05-21T11:47:28.299-06:00Love your post! It's so hard to know what to ...Love your post! It's so hard to know what to say, my typical response is crying and saying sorry.<br /><br />And while I have not experienced the type of grief you have gone through, I have to say that it always bothers me when someone tells a family member of the deceased that "God must have needed them more on the other side". When my 47 year old uncle passed away of brain Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09589603570113802810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-12886338772576448312014-05-21T11:31:37.006-06:002014-05-21T11:31:37.006-06:00I lost my son at 46 hours old. What I could not.. ...I lost my son at 46 hours old. What I could not.. and 20 years later still can not stand is when people say "At least you lost him before you bonded" or similar comments to that. I bonded with him the moment I discovered I was carrying him. I would of treasured just one more second with him. And the worse is "You are young, you can have more children". Sadly I was never ableThe Robnett Zoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01195248211646188277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-23013246473997968922014-05-21T11:24:50.888-06:002014-05-21T11:24:50.888-06:00Ashley, I think you should add that one on there. ...Ashley, I think you should add that one on there. I hope I've never said it, but I can see why people would think that would be helpful when it really isn't. I don't think your response to that is being too sensitive at all. It would be a good one for others to be aware of too. Tiffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17108381320543910955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382136325822253148.post-9469808515692258322014-05-21T11:20:23.452-06:002014-05-21T11:20:23.452-06:00This is an awesome post Ashley! I'm sure I'...This is an awesome post Ashley! I'm sure I've been the person saying the wrong thing and I'm glad to know what I can do better next time. So glad you took the time to share this advice!Tiffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17108381320543910955noreply@blogger.com